


The Best Laid Plans

by Emms



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: And angst, Angst, Did I Mention Angst?, M/M, More angst, also Louis is sort of a douchebag, so is Zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-23 18:46:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 51,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/625408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emms/pseuds/Emms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles is England’s answer to Justin Bieber. He has taken the country by storm and everybody loves him.</p><p>However, there is one band that absolutely cannot stand his success, and that band is One Direction, who only years before was the biggest, newest, best thing to happen to the music industry.</p><p>When Harry Styles publicly admits to having a crush on One Direction member Louis Tomlinson, the band makes a plan:</p><p>Use Harry’s fame to get back into business.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Plan

**Author's Note:**

> I've posted this story literally everywhere but here. So I decided that since it's done, I should probably post it here too. 
> 
> Also, I just want to say a huge thanks to my friend, Canni, because I probably wouldn't have finished it without her.

Louis Tomlinson sighed as he closed the magazine. They had done a small interview just last week, the first one in a few weeks. He had expected it to be at least on page five but no, they’d been downgraded even further and were now on page seventeen. Not only that but it was like they weren’t even a big deal, like this interview was just an unimportant filler they squeezed in right before deadline. 

Louis Tomlinson was one fourth of the boyband One Direction, and only two years ago they had been extremely successful, touring all over the world. Louis didn’t know what had happened, none of them really did, but all of a sudden, their sales went down. New artists and bands appeared, the hype died down and they became less and less important. They had thought that as soon as their new album got out, the fans would return and support them just like they did before but unfortunately that wasn’t how it went down. 

See, a year ago they released their third (and as it looked right now, last) album – and not only that, but they released it at the same time as the then 17-year old pop singer, Harry Styles, released his debut album. The timing couldn’t have been worse. Harry was suddenly all the country was talking about and honestly, the band was now 100% blaming him for their failed attempt to get back into the industry.

“Fucking Styles,” Louis mumbled as he stared at the teen’s face on the cover of the magazine. ‘ _Harry in love?_ ’ the headline on the magazine said. 

Who fucking cares, Louis thought and huffed, tossing the magazine to the side.

“What did he do?” Zayn, who had just walked into the living room, asked before immediately spotting the magazine with Harry’s face on it. “Oh.”

“I just don’t understand. Compared to us, he’s not even remotely talented.” 

Louis knew that he sounded very self-absorbed but he knew that Zayn felt the same way. They were all tired of this guy getting all the attention. Sure there were other bands and artists who also got the attention, but Harry Styles… How could you even begin to describe Harry Styles?

Harry was England’s answer to Justin Bieber. He had completely swooped in and stolen the attention of every young girl and all the media in Europe – and with his upcoming world tour, it surely wouldn’t be long until the entire fucking world was under his spell.

Louis knew many celebrities couldn’t stand him and his obsessive fans. It was Justin Bieber all over again, only ten times as crazy.

And he wasn’t even that attractive. His brown curls were all over the place and sometimes when he was on TV, Louis began to wonder if the boy had ever been introduced to something called ‘a haircut’. His smile was alright, it was actually kind of cute and Louis could definitely see why it was a part of his apparent charm. But as soon as you saw his smile, your eyes would immediately go to his nostrils. And that was most definitely the most unattractive thing about Harry Styles, Louis thought. His big-ass nostrils.

“I know. It blows,” Zayn replied and dumped down on Louis’ couch, turning on the television.

“It sure does,” Louis said and sighed, picking up the magazine again. 

After quickly finding out what page the Harry Styles interview was on, he found it, read it and sighed again. If only the guy would get himself a girlfriend, then the mass hysteria would probably die down a bit. The article was as stupid as half the other articles written about him – Harry had been seen with some girl who they had then discovered to be his cousin or something like that.

Oh yes, Louis couldn’t stand him but he made damn sure to be updated on his opponent.

“Holy fuck, Lou, are you seeing this?” 

Louis snapped out of his train of thought and turned his head towards Zayn who had the most amazed look on his face. 

“The TV, you wanker, not me. Listen!”

Louis turned to look at the television where they were showing footage from a red carpet to some show (that One Direction hadn’t been invited to, go figure) that Harry Styles had attended earlier this evening, and apparently it was quite shocking because when Louis tuned in, he could hear the female interviewer stutter:

“ _So- So you’re…you’re bisexual?_ ” Harry smiled at the comment and then shrugged, making Louis raise an eyebrow.

“ _I guess. I don’t really care about gender,_ ” he stated, still smiling.

Zayn let out a happy laugh and clapped his hands together once as Harry said that.

“Oh God, he just ruined it. He completely ruined it. The media will have his head.” Zayn said, obviously being very amused by this. 

Louis didn’t respond and just waved his hands in an attempt to make Zayn shut up.

“ _Uhm..oh...Well, eh._ ” Louis almost felt bad for the woman who had obviously completely forgotten everything she was going to say. 

“ _Okay, last question for you, Harry – you’re single but is there anyone you’re interested in? Demi Lovato was here just a few minutes ago, and she seemed very keen to get to know you…_ ” she hinted after finding her voice again.

Harry chuckled lowly and looked down for a moment. He had obviously caught on – the fact that Demi Lovato had expressed a slight interest in Harry had filled the media the past week, and it seemed that everyone – except for maybe Harry’s fans – were interested in having the two of them couple up. Harry was 18, Demi was 19, and they were both famous worldwide, so obviously they were a perfect match in the eyes of the media. Either that or they just wanted something to gossip about.

“ _Yeah, I guess I’ve got a crush on someone,_ ” Harry replied smoothly and the woman didn’t waste a second to ask him who it was. “ _Well.. I think Louis Tomlinson, you know, from One Direction, is quite fit._ ”

There was silence in the living room.

“ _Louis Tomlinson?_ ” the woman asked and Louis was almost offended by how weird she seemed to think it was. “ _Is he interested in you?_ ”

“ _I don’t know,_ ” Harry said honestly. 

The interview went on for another minute, and when it was done, both boys just kept staring at the screen. None of them said anything but Louis was sure that Zayn was thinking the same thing as him – what the hell just happened?

There was silence until they heard the front door open and seconds later, Niall, the Irish member of One Direction, was standing in Louis’ living room.

“Harry Styles has got a crush on you!” Niall burst out and pointed to Louis who nodded as if to say ‘yeah, I know’ and gestured to the television. 

Niall glanced at the television and then walked to the couch. The second he sat down, all three boys burst out talking – ‘do you think he’s serious?’, ‘what the hell?’, ‘maybe he was kidding’, ‘I doubt his managers will like that’, ‘I can’t believe he likes you, not that you’re not likable, he’s just, you know’ – and kept talking nonsense until Niall said:

“What if…What if you dated him?” The question got him two confused looks from the other boys. Before they got to say anything and ridicule him for the comment, he continued, “I’m serious. Remember Justin Bieber-“

“How could we not? You talk about him all the time,” Zayn said and rolled his eyes, cutting Niall off. 

Niall sent him an annoyed glance and then continued.

“When Justin Bieber started dating Selena Gomez, her fame shot through the roof. She has become way more famous since they went public.”

“So?” Louis asked, not getting where he was going with this. How did Selena Gomez have anything to do with him and Harry Styles’ crush?

“Come on, are you that stupid?” Niall raised an eyebrow and went on. “You date Harry and we’ll gain fame again.” 

Louis let out a loud laugh as Niall said that and after a while, he stopped when he realized that Zayn wasn’t laughing with him. Instead, Zayn looked like he was thinking it over.

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” he stated and Niall smiled proudly. Louis shook his head.

“No way. I’m not doing that. Fuck no.” 

Louis kept shaking his head until Niall spoke again.

“Come on, Louis. Just date him for a few months – and make sure you go public but that shouldn’t be a problem now that the media is probably going to try to set you up. Date him for a few months and… Actually, date him until the Brits. Showing up with him at the Brits will definitely do us good. It’s two months, Louis. You can dump him after the Brits. It’ll be over before you know it. For the band?”

Louis sighed. Fuck, there was no way around this, was there? The band was slowly failing and _something_ had to be done about it, right? Harry Styles had presented them with the perfect opportunity.

“Alright. But don’t tell Liam about this. You know how he feels about things like that. Just make him think we’re really dating,” he said and knew that Liam would probably tear off his head if he ever found out.

Zayn nodded in agreement.

So it was settled –

Louis was sacrificing himself for the band by asking Harry Styles out on a date.


	2. The Date

Louis spent all the following morning trying to find a good way to get Harry’s number before finally calling up a friend from Sugarscape. She was bound to have Harry’s number – after all, she had interviewed him countless times. Louis wasn’t actually sure if he should refer to her as his friend. An acquaintance was probably a better word to use. He’d run into her while partying several times and she had interviewed him enough times for his number to be safely placed in her phone. 

Even though they’d spoken quite a few times before, he still knew that once he got around to asking for Harry’s number, she wouldn’t be able to resist running an article about it. It was too big of a scoop to let pass.

Of course Louis could’ve easily gotten the number off someone else but he figured that since they wanted the band to gain fame, this was the best way to go.

“ _Jane speaking,_ ” Louis smiled as he heard her voice in the other end of the line. 

“Hi Jane. It’s Louis,” he said and swore he heard her sigh.

The last time they’d spoken, she’d seemed annoyed with him. Well, that had probably been his own fault since he’d been asking if she was interested in an interview too many times.

“ _Hi Louis. Look, I’m sorry, but my boss isn’t interested-_ “

He knew where she was going so he immediately cut her off.

“Do you have Harry Styles’ number?” 

She was quiet for about five seconds, and he could practically hear her opening her mouth to say something before changing her mind a few times.

“ _Uhm…No, I don’t,_ ” Jane replied and Louis barely got say anything before she quickly added: “ _But my boss does! Hold on.._ ” 

From that, Louis could conclude that she had also heard of how Styles had outed himself on television. But then again, who hadn’t?

After a minute or two, she got back to the phone and read the number to him. He thanked her quickly before hanging up, feeling really pleased with himself. He had the phone number, now all he had to do was to call him up and ask him out which, really, shouldn’t be too difficult.

*

Even with the number in his possession, it took Louis another day before he finally called him up.

“Remember what you’re going to say?” Zayn asked and Louis nodded once. 

Zayn raised an eyebrow and obviously wanted Louis to tell him what they had spent the last ten minutes going over.

“I got it, Zayn, don’t worry. I’ll tell him I saw his interview and that I’ve always admired him from afar but didn’t want to make a fool of myself and so on.” 

Zayn flashed him a smile, and Louis typed Harry’s number into his phone.

“You have got to go, though. I can’t seduce him if you’re in the room,” Louis added and sent Zayn a smirk.

“Get him, tiger,” Zayn grinned before jogging out of the room and soon after, Louis heard the front door close. 

Of course he knew what to say – it wasn’t the first time he had asked a guy out after all, but Zayn had still felt like he needed some coaching. It hadn’t been needed, really, but the boys had had fun with pretend phone calls for about twenty minutes.

Louis looked down at his phone for a moment, his thumb hovering over the ‘call’ button as though he was rethinking it before he finally pressed it and put it to his ear. The ringtone was torture. Couldn’t Harry just pick up his phone now so he could get this over with? Louis wasn’t going to admit it to anyone but he was definitely nervous. If he made one wrong move, he could ruin it for the entire band.

“ _Hello?_ ” Louis barely registered what the hell Harry had said because of his damn mumble. 

That was another thing Louis disliked about him – how he always mumbled in interviews. You could never hear a damn thing he said.

“Uh, hi. It’s Harry, right?” Louis truthfully didn’t know why he asked that because from the mumble when Harry picked up, he knew that it was most definitely him.

“ _Depends on who’s calling,_ ” Harry responded, and Louis chuckled. 

Of course Harry wouldn’t just say it was him – what if it was some fan? Louis had experienced that enough times to know that just blatantly admitting who he was was a bad thing.

“Right, sorry, it’s Louis.” He felt like slapping himself as soon as he had said that. How was Harry supposed to know who ‘Louis’ was? He added, “Louis Tomlinson.”

Harry didn’t say anything for a while and Louis began to feel sort of awkward, so he continued: “I saw your interview.”

“ _Oh. Uhm…_ ” Harry said and Louis felt the embarrassment creep up on him. 

Maybe Harry had just been trying to get the media off his back when he said that. Maybe he thought that Louis wouldn’t feel the same way – well, duh, in the eyes of the media, Louis was straight and not the least bit bisexual. Even with that in mind, Louis kept talking.

“I’ve been admiring you from afar for a while now…” 

He felt like a fool. What were they thinking? In what universe did they think that this plan was actually going to work out? Foolish and pathetic – that’s what this was.

“ _You have?_ ” Harry asked, and Louis closed his eyes. Might as well go all the way, he thought.

“Yeah. I think you’re really…what’s the word…fit, too,” he said and waited for Harry’s response.

“ _Really?_ ” 

It took everything in Louis’ power not to hang up right away. Harry sounded so genuinely surprised, and he obviously hadn’t expected Louis to contact him.

“Yes. I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a long time but I didn’t know that you were, you know, open to boys so I didn’t want to make a fool of myself,” he confessed.

“ _Wow. Uhm, okay. I didn’t…uh, I didn’t expect you to call._ ” Harry mumbled. 

That’s pretty obvious, Louis thought and rolled his eyes.

“ _So.. You think I’m fit?_ ” Harry asked, and Louis nodded before realizing that Harry wouldn’t be able to see it.

“Yeah. Look, I was just calling to hear if there was a possibility that I could take you out one of the next couple of days? On a date?” Louis asked and felt himself hold his breath as he waited for Harry’s answer. 

This was it – if Harry said no, the band probably wouldn’t survive for more than another year.

“ _Uh…Yeah, sure. I’d like that._ ” Louis had almost never felt this relieved in his life. Thank God.

“Fantastic. When and where?”

They settled the date within a couple of minutes and hung up. Louis felt a smile creep onto his face as he reassured himself that everything was going to be okay. They were going to date for a few months and then part ways. It was nothing if it meant that One Direction could start selling out tours again.

*

“What the hell are you wearing?” Niall asked as he walked into Louis’ kitchen and saw Louis leaning against the kitchen counter, arms crossed. “Are those Zayn’s clothes?”

“I styled him,” Zayn said proudly and emerged from the living room. “Get it? I styled him for his date with Styles.” 

He let out a low chuckle and Louis rolled his eyes. Zayn had repeated the same lame joke so many times over the past hour that Louis didn’t even bother to hide his annoyance anymore. Niall clearly didn’t find it funny either and was just looking at his band mate with a raised eyebrow.

“Whatever, Zayn. Lou, you can’t wear that, come on.”

And that’s why Louis ended up sitting in his car in front of Harry’s flat wearing what he always wore when out for public events because the fans had decided it was his ‘signature look’ – a tight-fitted T-shirt and braces. Niall said they made him look good, and he figured that if Niall thought so then maybe Harry would as well. After all, the goal wasn’t to make him look amazing, it was to make Harry keep dating him. Since Harry apparently liked his look already, it shouldn’t be a problem.

He honked the horn once and waited for Harry to come out. He didn’t have to wait long since Harry, who had quite obviously been waiting for him, didn’t bother to pretend like he hadn’t been sitting by the window with his coat on waiting Louis’ car to turn up. He was by the car faster than Louis expected. 

He didn’t really mind Harry’s eagerness, though. The more smitten he was, the better.

"Hello," Harry said as he got into the car.

"Hi," Louis replied and considered his options for a few moments. A few compliments wouldn't hurt, right? "You look good."

Harry buckled his seatbelt and then looked up at him with a happy smile. 

"Thanks. You too."

They didn't talk much on the way to the restaurant and it was a bit awkward. How had Louis not seen this coming? They'd talked to each other _one time_ , how did he even think that this wasn't going to be awkward? He wanted to say something, he really did, but he couldn’t think of anything, and Harry didn’t really give him much to work with, so they both kept quiet.

It wasn’t until they got to the table and Harry hung his jacket over the back of his chair that Louis really got to look at him. Sure, he knew every inch of Harry already – even his penis, if you were to believe that it had truly been Harry in the nude picture that had leaked earlier this year – but seeing him up close was much, much different. He was definitely more attractive without all the airbrushing, Louis thought admittedly, but his curls still needed a trim and his nostrils were still eye-catchers.

“Have you been here before?” Louis asked as they got their menus, and Harry shrugged.

“Once or twice,” he replied and kept staring down at the menu. 

Wow, he _really_ wasn’t giving Louis much to work with. Louis looked down at his menu and bit his lip for a moment. Never having been there before, he didn’t even know what half of these dishes were and he would look like an idiot if he ordered something that turned out to be something he disliked.

“Is there something here you can recommend?” 

Harry looked like he considered it for a moment and then glanced up at Louis from behind his big menu.

“The salmon is really good,” he mumbled and Louis nodded.

“Great. I’ll have that,” Louis said.

Twenty minutes passed and they didn’t talk much while waiting for their food, and if Louis hadn’t already been sure that Harry had just said his name to get the press off his back, he was definitely sure now. In that time, Louis had figured it all out – Harry didn’t reject his invitation because he was afraid Louis would rat him out to the press. That had to be the real reason. 

Basically, none of them really wanted to be here. That much was obvious.

“I’m sorry,” Harry said all of a sudden, making Louis look away from the apparently very interesting couple in the back of the restaurant that he had been observing for about ten minutes.

“For what?” Louis asked. 

Was he going to admit that he wasn’t into him now? It seemed likely.

“For not talking. I’m normally not like this. I’m just really nervous,” Harry confessed and let out a low chuckle.

Louis was taken aback by that statement. He hadn’t even considered that Harry might be nervous and instead he had been too busy thinking that Harry had a hidden agenda as well.

“There’s no reason to be nervous, Harry,” Louis smiled. 

Harry chuckled again.

“I’ve had a crush on you for so long; there is plenty of reason to be nervous. I didn’t think something like this would ever happen,” he said and Louis raised an eyebrow in surprise.

“You have?” 

Of course he knew that Harry thought he was fit and all that, but he didn’t even consider the possibility that he had had a crush on him for longer than just a little while.

“Yeah…It’s…I’ve sorta had a thing for you since JLS threw some celebration party,” Harry admitted. 

Thinking back, Louis remembered that JLS had thrown a celebration party after winning some huge award, one that Louis couldn’t even recall anymore – but that was almost a year ago. Louis couldn’t remember much from the party but he knew that he hadn’t seen Harry there.

“That party? But I didn’t see you there...”

“You did. We talked. It wasn’t for long, though. My sister used to really like your band-“ used to, great, Louis thought, “- so I knew who you were. It’s okay if you don’t remember.” 

Louis tried to remember something, anything, that could have been related to Harry from that night but came up with nothing. Well, he and Zayn had gotten pissed within the first hour, so that might’ve been the reason.

“Oh,” was all he said.

“I never thought you’d feel the same,” Harry said and Louis quickly added ‘I do’.

“Yeah. Uhm...So tell me about yourself?” he suggested and this time it was Louis who let out a chuckle.

“What is there to say that you don’t already know?” Louis asked with a grin.

Harry shrugged at the comment and smiled, and Louis was really happy that they were actually talking now and making this date so much less awkward.

“Come on, Louis. I’m sure you’re not exactly the same as you are when you’re in public. I know I’m not.” 

True, Louis wasn’t the same as he was when in public, not exactly. Hardly any of the celebrities he knew were, so it wasn’t as though it was a big deal that he had an image – they all did. However, even with that in mind, he was a bit surprised to hear Harry admit that so easily. He couldn’t see how Harry could be any different from his public image.

“Well, of course not.” Louis paused and found that he couldn’t find anything interesting to say about himself which was ironic, considering that he was famous and had traveled the world. 

“Let’s see…I really fucking hate carrots.”

That made Harry laugh lowly and Louis smiled. Knowing that he was able to make Harry laugh made him more secure about this whole thing.

The night went on, and it wasn’t as terrible as Louis had thought it would be. They had talked for a long time and laughed, and by the time they were done with their dessert, everything about the first half hour of the date had been forgotten.

Louis drove him home and when he parked the car in front of the building Harry lived in, the thought hit him – what now? What was Harry expecting? He had no idea, so he just turned off the car and turned to look at him.

“Well, this was fun,” he said and Harry nodded in agreement, a smile still playing on his lips.

“Yeah.” Harry looked at him so expectantly and Louis had no idea what he wanted. 

Did he expect a kiss? Did he expect more conversation? Setting another date already? Louis was aware that he would have to kiss him at some point, and he figured that he might as well start now. 

Louis moved in to kiss him and noted that Harry’s eyes immediately fell shut, telling Louis that this was indeed what he had expected. Their position was awkward since both of them were still wearing their seatbelts but it didn’t seem to matter much to Harry. Even though Harry’s lips had looked chapped when Louis first looked at them, they felt very soft as they slowly moved against his own, and he was happy to find out that Harry wasn’t a bad kisser.

The kiss didn’t last long, and Harry had a sort of goofy look on his face as Louis pulled back. It was rather cute, Louis thought.

“I’ll call you,” he said with a smile, and Harry grinned widely as he got out of the car. 

As Louis drove off, he felt like this date had been a huge victory. Harry definitely liked him – the goofy smile told him that – and there was no doubt that he was going to want to do this again. Sugarscape would soon be doing an article about this, if they hadn’t already, and the band would get publicity.

This was definitely a success.


	3. The Talk

Liam Payne was an all-around good guy. 

He wasn’t a liar by nature but he could do with the occasional white lie, like ‘oh yeah, I totally remember you, random fan’ because hey, it made the poor girl happy and it made him look good.

When it came to his career, though, he was completely different from his band mates. The three of them didn’t see anything wrong with keeping their loved ones hidden and pretend to be single so the fans would keep being interested in them. Liam supposed that it was alright, as he didn’t have to do the same thing. 

That was also why, the minute he knew that Danielle, his current girlfriend, was a keeper, he went public with the relationship. He didn’t think it was fair to the fans – they were entire reason why he could live the life he wanted to, the least he could do was to let them know when that he was off limits. 

Besides, he was proud to be her boyfriend.

To Liam, it was a regular morning, he got out of bed, took a quick shower and checked his Twitter. He quickly followed a few fans and tweeted ‘hello everyone’. That was his morning routine. 

And as he looked through his timeline, he understood that there was something going on. He had no idea what but he saw countless tweets about Harry Styles. Well, not that that was anything new since the vast majority of the people he followed had taken a liking in Harry as well as the rest of England. 

But this was different. People weren’t tweeting about how hot he was, they were tweeting about Harry and Louis.

It was then, that Liam saw the world wide trending topic, 'Harry and Louis'. And he had no idea why that was trending since it had been almost a week since Harry had admitted to having a crush on Louis. Surely his fans would’ve lost interest in that by now. 

He clicked on the trending topic to look at the top tweets. The number one top tweet was a Sugarscape tweet that led him to an article titled ‘ _Harry Styles dating One Direction’s Louis Tomlinson?!_ ’ and at first it made him laugh; yeah, right.

However, as he read the article, his eyebrows began to furrow. According to Sugarscape, Louis had called them up and asked for Harry’s number. But that had to be wrong. There was just no way Louis would ever do that.

He closed his laptop and headed to Louis’ flat. It took Louis a while to open the door, probably because he hadn’t been awake until Liam knocked on the door.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Louis asked, suppressing a yawn with the back of his hand.

“Yeah but I need to talk to you.” Without asking for permission, Liam went inside. “Where’s your laptop at?”

“Uh, I think it’s in the living room,” Louis said, following Liam slowly, not really understanding why his friend couldn’t have waited just a few more hours. What was so damn important?

“Great.” 

Liam got to the laptop and opened it before Louis could even have a say in it, “the fans are going crazy at the moment.”

He quickly opened Twitter and saw that ‘Harry and Louis’ was still a trending topic and found the article soon after.

“You woke me up this early-“

“It’s past 10 am, Louis.”

“- just to tell me that the fans are going mad?” Louis asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Of course not. It’s the reason why they’re going mad I want to talk to you about, Sugarscape posted an article, see?”

Liam turned the laptop around so Louis could see what he was talking about, expecting a reaction; a laugh, an outburst of rage, anything like that, but he didn’t get that because Louis merely shrugged.

“Did you see what it said?” Liam asked and pointed to the headline of the article.

“Yes,” Louis replied.

“And…?” Liam hinted, searching for a reaction.

Liam really didn’t understand why Louis didn’t react, he’d have thought that Louis would’ve immediately tweeted something to clear up this rumor, “don’t you have anything to say?”

“Well, I didn’t know she’d run an article about it,” Louis said and shrugged again.

Liam stared at him with wide eyes without being able to fully understand what he just said.

“What?” he managed to ask.

“You heard me, I didn’t think she’d run an article about it,” Louis repeated and got up, heading for the kitchen.

Liam didn’t follow him; he was too lost in his thoughts to even get up. What did that mean? That Louis actually called her and asked for Harry’s number? That didn’t make any sense. Louis despised everything about Harry so why would he ask for his number?

“But why would you… I mean, you hate him. Why would you want his number?” Liam asked just as Louis walked back into the living room with a bowl of cereal.

“I don’t hate him,” Louis stated and caused Liam to make a surprised face.

“Oh, really? You always trash him, Lou. Every time he’s on the TV, you sneak in some mean remark about his voice, his hair or something else. You act like you hate him.” 

He didn’t believe Louis, there was no way he could say that stuff all the time and not hate him.

Personally, Liam didn’t hate him, he just disliked his success. As a person, Harry Styles seemed like an alright bloke but Liam was still hoping that everyone would stop worshipping him soon.

“Let me ask you a thing, Liam,” Louis said with a smile, “do you remember the first years of school? Do you remember the first time you liked a girl?”

“What does that have to do with anything? And no, I can’t,” Liam replied.

“Well, I can remember my first crush. I remember I wanted to talk to her really bad but I didn’t dare to, so when I finally got the chance to talk to her, I made her trip. She was so mad and I laughed. I also liked to throw stuff at her in class, I made fun of her and was really mean to her. Do you know what I mean, Liam?” Louis asked, still smiling which made Liam even more confused. 

Was Louis high? When Liam didn’t say anything, Louis just continued.

“I was pulling her pigtails, as the expression says. I was mean to her because I liked her.” With that, Liam realized what Louis point was.

He was being mean to Harry because he liked him.

“So… You’re saying… That you like Styles?” Liam asked carefully, just in case he was wrong.

“I didn’t realize it until he said he’s got a crush on me. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. So I called Jane up, got his number and asked him out.”

Liam’s eyes shot open at that statement.

“You asked him out?” He asked and Louis nodded.

“Yes, I told Niall to tell you but I guess he didn’t.”

Liam didn’t understand. He really didn’t. This made no sense, none at all. He had known Louis for five years now and he knew what Louis was like when he liked someone. He was straightforward about his feelings and he was never mean to them. This had to be bullshit.

“I don’t believe you,” Liam said and shook his head, “you’re lying.”

“I’m really not, Liam. I like Harry and I know this seems a little mad, you know, considering how I’ve talked about him before but I genuinely like him,” Louis explained. “You don’t have to believe me. Honestly, I wouldn’t believe me either. But you’ll see because I’ll definitely bring him around for you to meet him and then you’ll see.”

Liam sighed deeply, “okay.”

He didn’t believe Louis, he really didn’t, but he couldn’t find any explanation as to why Louis would be dating Harry. None. Liam desperately hoped that his friend would prove him wrong and make all of these disbelieving thoughts go away. He’d just have to wait and see.

*

Louis felt bad for lying to Liam, of course he did, but he couldn’t risk it any other way. It wasn’t because Louis didn’t trust Liam because he did; it was because he knew that Liam would never let him go through with it. Why? Because not only was he going to be lying to Harry, he was also going to be using him and manipulating him. 

Now, Louis didn’t really care that he was going to be doing those things to Harry because frankly, Harry didn’t mean anything to him. Liam, on the other hand, meant a lot to him and he couldn’t stand having Liam look at him with that disappointed gaze.

Therefore he had to keep it from him. It might be selfish but honestly, everything in this situation was extremely selfish so he figured that doing this wouldn’t hurt.

As his phone started vibrating in his pocket, he was pulled out of his thoughts. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw the band’s publicist's name, Ann, show up on the screen. He had expected this call, definitely, but he wasn’t sure he was up for pretending to like Harry right now. Liam had just left and Louis was feeling a bit, well, guilty for lying to him. He knew that there was no way around it, though, because the people and the press were going to want answers.

“Good morning, Ann, up so early?” He asked and tried to make himself sound a bit cheerful.

“ _Hi Louis. Yeah, well, some of us actually have a proper job,_ ” she responded and he could sense her smiling on the other end of the line. 

He always liked her. She was the second publicist they’d had and Louis really hoped she was there to stay. The first one was really dull and didn’t care much about them other than what was required of him.

“Ouch,” Louis said with a smile, “so is there any reason why you’re calling or did you just miss hearing my voice?”

She laughed lightly, making him smile a little.

“ _You’d like that, wouldn’t you? No, I just need to hear what exactly is going on between you and Harry Styles. I know, I know, you don’t like him, don’t go all ‘that bloody ponce and his stupid haircut’ on me again but my phone has been ringing all morning,_ ” she explained.

Louis bit his lip, hopefully she wouldn’t be as hard to convince as Liam was.

“Well… We’re dating. We’ve only been on one date but I guess you can say we’re dating,” Louis said and waited anxiously for her reaction.

“ _You’re dating Harry Styles?_ ” She asked in obvious disbelief, “ _come on Louis, this is actually serious. Sugarscape are claiming that you called them and asked for his number and I’ve got to have some sort of response to that when people call me, I don’t have time for you to fool around like this._ ”

“I’m serious, Ann. I called Jane from Sugarscape to get his number from her,” he said with a heavy sigh.

That was met with silence.

“ _You’re serious? You’re actually dating Harry Styles? I thought you hated him,_ ” she finally said.

Even though it seemed like a statement, it was definitely a question and Louis was going to have to explain himself again. And it probably wouldn’t be the last time either because the vast majority of his friends were all aware of how much he actually disliked Harry, and he’d definitely have to explain himself to them too.

“I don’t hate him, it’s complicated. Point is, I like him, he likes me and we’re dating. Isn’t that all you need to know?” He asked and found that he was a bit annoyed. 

He wasn’t going to be able to _not_ talk about Harry Styles for at least the next half year, was he? Probably not.

“ _I guess so. Well, have you talked to Harry about keeping it a secret or going public?_ ” Ann asked and Louis could hear her typing away on her keyboard in the background.

“Not really, no, but I think keeping it a secret would be pointless. I mean, Harry already declared his love for me publicly and thanks to Sugarscape, the rumors are going around. What’s the point?” Louis said and hoped that he didn’t make himself sound too eager to go public with their relationship.

“ _I see what you mean but still, I’m going to see if I can get in touch with Harry’s publicist, whoever that is, and I’ll call you later, bye._ ”

Louis barely even got to say anything before she had hung up. She was never one for wasting time saying goodbye anyways.

He sighed happily as he moved to lie down on the sofa. Hopefully Harry’s publicist would agree to it. He smiled to himself as he quickly found Harry’s number on his phone and clicked ‘send message’.

_Morning Harry :-) I was wondering if you were up for joining me for a movie tonight? – Louis_

It’s not that desperate, he thought. They only went out yesterday and normally, Louis would wait a few days before contacting them for another date but Louis didn’t feel like he had any time to waste. 

It took less than a minute after he sent the text for Harry to reply to his invite.

_Morning. Sure thing. When are you picking me up? Harry x_

Louis chuckled. He might have been desperate but it was absolutely nothing compared to how desperate and smitten Harry came off after only one date. 

Maybe this was going to be fun, after all.


	4. The Second Date

After Ann had called him back to let him know that Harry’s publicist told her Harry wanted to keep their relationship – he didn’t really know what else to call it – under wraps for now, Louis was really annoyed and didn’t really feel like seeing him in just a few hours.

He had spent a few hours just moping around his flat when Zayn and Niall decided to pay him a visit. They were both grinning widely as Louis opened the door, and he knew what they wanted to talk about.

“So how did it go?” Zayn asked as he walked past Louis.

“It went alright,” Louis replied and closed the door as soon as Niall was inside.

“Alright? I’d say it went better than alright. You’re all people are talking about today,” Niall said with a grin.

Louis led them both into the kitchen. He leaned against the kitchen counter and waited for them to start asking him about the date he had been on the night before.

“So what happened?” Zayn pulled out a chair by the table, turned it to face the two guys’ direction and sat down, awaiting the details. Niall moved to sit down on the counter and turned to look at Louis just as expectantly as Harry had the night before.

“Well… It was awkward at first but we ended up talking and having a bit of fun. It wasn’t as bad as I imagined it would be,” Louis said and Zayn raised an eyebrow and with that single movement, Louis already knew what his friend’s question was.

“Yes, Zayn, I did kiss him.”

Both of the two friends waited for a moment before realizing that Louis wasn’t going to elaborate.

“And…?” Niall was the first to ask, “was it bad?”

“No, he was alright,” Louis confessed with a shrug.

“So nothing bad happened on the date?” Niall continued and Louis shook his head, “then why are you acting like something bad happened?”

Louis knew he should be excited about this, and he probably would have been if it hadn’t been for Harry and his damn publicist holding back. There was absolutely no point in keeping the fact that they were dating out of the public eye. Everyone was already talking about it, and Harry had admitted to liking Louis, for Christ’s sake!

“I talked to Ann this morning, and she called again a few hours ago. Turns out Harry wants to keep this thing hidden for now,” he said, the disagreement almost painfully obvious.

As it turned out, Niall and Zayn weren’t even mildly surprised by this.

“Well… You’ve only been out once. Give him a week, Lou,” Zayn said with a smile.

“Besides the paparazzi are constantly following him. I’m surprised there haven’t been any photos from last night. He won’t be able to keep it hidden for that long.” Niall nodded at his own words and then continued, “So, when are you going out again?”

“In a few hours,” Louis replied and couldn’t help but chuckle at their surprised faces.

“Tonight? Already? Isn’t that a bit…” Niall paused and gestured with his hand as he apparently couldn’t find the right word. 

Luckily Zayn was there to finish his sentence.

“Desperate.”

“Not as desperate as Harry is,” Louis replied defensively without elaborating. “Come on, we don’t have long until the Brits. If I had to make Harry fall in love with me, I need to do it fast. There’s no point in talking about how in love I am in interviews if we’ve only been out a few times,” to which Zayn nodded.

“Yeah, alright. What are you going to do? Dinner again?” he asked.

“I’m taking him to the movies. His flat is fairly close to a theater, so I figured we could just walk there and maybe take a stroll afterwards. I’m hoping someone will recognize us and it’ll be all over the papers by tomorrow. That way he won’t have a choice but to admit we’re dating.” 

It sounded like a perfect plan. If only Harry would go along with it. Niall and Zayn seemed to think it was a great idea too because they had identical smirks on their faces.

“Have you picked the movie yet?” Zayn asked.

“I was thinking Titanic. It’s a bit long but it’s romantic and stuff,” Louis suggested and Zayn immediately shook his head.

“No way. You’re not wearing 3D glasses on your date, that’s just awkward, and I don’t think cheesy romance is the way to go,” Zayn said and then paused for a moment as he was clearly thinking things through. “Go see The Raven. It’s a thriller.”

“But… Wouldn’t romance work better than a thrill- oh, I see it.” Louis smirked as he realized what Zayn’s intentions were.

“Are you sure that would work, though? I mean, Harry’s not a girl,” Niall cut in.

“That’s why it’s so brilliant. Harry will figure it out immediately unless he’s an idiot, and he’ll think Louis just really wants to get close to him. Man, I’m so brilliant,” Zayn said and looked really pleased with himself.

“So your plan is to make me look like an idiot?” Louis asked and crossed his arms.

“He’ll most likely think it’s cute that you want him to snuggle up against you,” Zayn said and laughed lightly as Louis flashed him his middle finger.

“The Raven it is then,” Niall declared.

*

He felt like an idiot as he and Harry walked into the theater. Harry’s reaction when Louis had told him which movie they were going to see told him that Zayn had been right. Harry had figured out that Louis wanted to watch a thriller to get close to him. 

He didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, though.

Louis knew that going out to see a movie was risky because even though he did want their relationship to reach the public, he didn’t want to be ambushed by Harry’s crazy fans. 

Nothing happened except for a few curious stares and as soon as they got to their seats and the lights were turned off, Louis relaxed and bit his lip, wondering if he should put his arm around Harry or just leave it be for now.

He settled for the latter.

They sat there in silence as the movie went on and it wasn’t until the second time that Harry flinched from a particularly disgusting scene that Louis put his arm around him. Harry then moved in closer to Louis until there was almost no space between them and slowly moved his hand up to Louis’ hand that was loosely hanging by his upper arm. Louis expected him to take his hand but he didn’t – instead he just held onto two of Louis’ finger with two of his own. Maybe he was too shy, who knew.

The movement made Louis smile in victory. Zayn’s idea had definitely worked out.

“Wanna take a stroll around the block?” Louis offered after the movie and Harry smiled.

“Sure,” he said and they walked in silence for a little while. 

Louis didn’t feel like he needed to talk right now because the silence wasn’t awkward – they were just enjoying each other’s company and Louis was happy that he didn’t have to make the whole thing awkward by making an attempt at small talk. This little stroll was working out better than he had hoped.

As they walked down the moonlit London road, Louis made a move and slipped his hand into Harry’s. It wasn’t much but it made Harry turn his head towards him and smile for just a second.

“You know,” Harry started and broke the silence as they slowly reached his flat. “I haven’t been out like this in nearly a year.”

Louis wasn’t all that surprised by that statement. There was two possibly meanings of this sentence but he wouldn’t be surprised by either of them.

“What do you mean?” he asked and could feel Harry’s thumb starting to gently stroke the back of his hand. 

Oh, this was about to get really cheesy, wasn’t it?

“If I want to eat out without being photographed, I buy out the place or go to a place so small that the paparazzi won’t even consider looking there. If I want to go to the movies, I rent an entire theater. It’s frustrating,” Harry said and Louis felt like rolling his eyes. 

Poor, little Harry can’t handle being famous.

“I know,” he simply replied.

“And when I’m with you… I’m just… not concerned. It sounds stupid, I know,” Harry mumbled and stopped as they reached his flat. 

Louis smiled at him, even though he wanted to nod. Yeah, it was stupid. Harry chose to make an album, he chose to steal away their fans, he chose this life – Louis wasn’t about to feel sorry for him when he was living exactly the life he wanted so bad to get back.

“Not at all.”

“I had a great time tonight.” Harry said as he moved to stand in front of Louis so they could talk better.

“Me too. We didn’t talk much, though.” 

Harry just smiled and gave a little shrug as Louis said that.

“It’s alright. We’ll have other chances to talk, right?” Harry asked and Louis nodded, smiling back at him.

“Definitely,” He replied and watched Harry lick lips instinctively as they seemed to be about to part ways. 

Oh, right, a goodnight kiss.

Louis moved in to kiss him and this time Harry didn’t wait but instead met him halfway. Their lips met and Louis could feel Harry’s hand gently clutch to his shirt which almost made him chuckle.

When Louis pulled away after short while, Harry apparently didn’t feel like it was enough and moved in to kiss him again. Louis couldn’t help but smile before returning the kiss in the same soft way as before.

They ended up kissing for several minutes before Harry broke it off and let go of his shirt, smiling widely.

“I’ll see you soon,” Louis said with a smile and Harry nodded before disappearing into the building.

As Louis walked home, he knew that this date had gone even better than the first one. If it continued this way, he would be calling Harry his boyfriend by the end of the week.

*

At the end of the week, they had been out two more times and they were heading into a relationship – and fast. Niall and Zayn were getting pushy – ‘why haven’t you been photographed together yet? I thought you went to public places’ ‘have you forgotten what the point of this thing was, Lou?’, and Louis was honestly getting tired of it.

The rumors had died down after Harry’s publicist had denied that they were dating which now annoyed the three boys to no end. Liam seemed to have opened up to the idea of Louis actually liking Harry and casually threw in a question about their dates here and there, questions that Louis was happy to reply to.

It wasn’t until late Sunday afternoon, however, that Louis knew he had to do something. He didn’t use Twitter much anymore because he didn’t want to see stuff about Harry all over his timeline and it had caused a massive hoo-haa when Louis unfollowed a few hardcore ‘Stylies’ half a year back.

It was different now, though, because he felt like he needed to stay updated with what his own and Harry’s fans were talking about. And to his surprise, they weren’t talking about him and Harry today – they were talking about Harry and some girl that Louis didn’t even bother to remember the name of.

It took him less than ten minutes to get updated on the situation. Apparently a fan had spotted Harry with an unknown blonde girl at some café yesterday and all the fan girls were now losing their minds. Louis wasn’t concerned, though, because he knew that even if Harry had been at a café with a young blonde, it wouldn’t be a love interest. Harry was already too whipped to even consider dating other people; that was for sure.

Still, it annoyed him that this girl was getting all the attention and that he and the rest of One Direction were getting none, so before he knew what was happening, he sent Harry a tweet:

_@Harry_Styles miss you x_

And thanks to those eight letters, his timeline exploded.


	5. The Relationship

The following week and a half was something between a nightmare and a dream. An hour after Louis had tweeted, Ann had called him and given him strict order to delete his tweet because she had just talked to one of Harry’s publicists who was stressed out of her mind. 

Of course Louis obeyed but he couldn’t see the point in deleting it, seeing that it had already spread everywhere.

In those ten days, Louis had gained three hundred thousand followers on Twitter and it was still going up fast. Niall and Zayn were very pleased by this, even though they hadn’t gained that many followers themselves.

“ _What were you thinking?_ ” Ann had asked when she called him, and he wasn’t sure what to tell her. 

How could he explain it without giving himself away? He settled for the first reason that came to mind – jealousy.

“I wasn’t thinking,” he said admittedly, hoping she would buy it, "I got jealous and I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry.”

“ _You better be. You’ve been in this business for long enough, you should know this by now, Louis. You must know how much pressure you just put Harry and his team under,_ ” she said accusingly and indeed he did know.

Harry’s team had denied that they were dating so now they had three possibilities. They could either admit they had lied or await the reaction, they could keep it under wraps and wait for the big scandal that it would create once it got out or they could choose not to say anything at all. The last one wasn’t likely to be picked but considering some of the other things that Louis knew they had just brushed aside, this option had to be considered as well. Louis hoped that they were smart enough to pick the first option, though.

“I know, I’ll call him and apologize, don’t worry,” Louis assured her.

“ _Don’t do it again, Louis. Since you and him are dating, which I still find a bit weird by the way, you have to remember that you’re both famous. You’re not two normal teenagers, you’ve got to be responsible. No matter how much you like him, no matter how jealous you get, no matter how much he might piss you off some day – don’t talk about it in public unless you’ve talked about it with Harry and his team first._ ” Her voice was a mix between strict and caring, and Louis just closed his eyes instead of responding. 

He didn’t need her to give him a lecture. He just needed them to go public.

“ _Got it?_ ” She asked after a while, and Louis made a small noise in agreement.

“ _Good. Call him and sort this out,_ " she said and with that, she hung up. 

Louis sat still on the sofa for a while before deciding to call Harry later. He knew he should probably do it now, but if Harry was angry, he would honestly rather post-pone it.

Two hours later, he had finally gathered up the courage to call Harry up. He felt silly – why was he nervous about this? There was no reason to be nervous. But he also knew that if Harry was angry enough, he could end their relationship with the blink of an eye.

Relationship. Louis chuckled as he thought of it. Harry was technically his boyfriend, even though they hadn’t quite discussed that yet. The entire idea about Harry Styles being his boyfriend was just so surreal that he couldn’t even imagine himself saying it out loud.

As he pressed ‘call’, he felt his heart speed up. If Harry was angry, which he probably was, hopefully he could calm him down and woo him with a few flattering words. Hopefully.

“ _Hey_ ,” Harry said as he picked up, sound a bit distracted.

“Hey,” He responded and bit his lip, not really knowing how to begin, so he settled for the simplest sentence he could think of. “I’m sorry.”

“ _Me too,_ ” Harry replied, leaving Louis to keep talking. 

He couldn’t tell whether Harry was angry or sad. Maybe he was both angry and sad. Maybe he was something else. Louis couldn’t tell.

“I didn’t mean to. It was a mistake. I wasn’t thinking.” That had got to be the worst apology in the world and Louis desperately wanted to smack himself. 

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

“ _Look, Louis…_ ” Louis didn’t want to know what Harry was about to say – it was bound to be bad, and he had to prevent it.

“I got jealous,” He admitted and tried to make himself sound embarrassed which he sort of was. 

Admitting to Harry that he was jealous, even though he wasn’t, definitely wasn’t his favorite thing to do. Well, if Harry liked it, he supposed he had nothing to lose.

Harry didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and Louis thought he might be taken aback by that statement. 

“ _Why?_ ”

“My timeline on Twitter was filled with people talking about you and some girl, and I just felt like I had to say that you’re mine,” as Louis said that, he felt his cheeks heat up. 

What the hell, what was he, a fourteen year old girl? Jesus Christ. Louis didn’t blush, he didn’t, 

“ _I’m yours?_ ” 

This time it was Louis’ turn to keep quiet. Shit. Fuck, he’d have to develop a filter someday soon because just blurting out things like this was definitely not a good thing. 

“I-I didn’t…” He began and then stopped to think about his options. 

If he wanted this to turn into a relationship, he had to do something and this was a perfect opportunity. “Well.. if you want to be.”

“ _I wouldn’t mind that,_ ” Harry said, and even though Louis could easily hear how he was trying to make himself sound less eager than he was, it was still painfully obvious. 

“I wouldn’t mind that either,” Louis replied happily.

“ _Great._ ” Louis could sense Harry smiling on the other end of the line and that made him smile as well. 

The conversation continued for another twenty minutes, and Louis’ tweet or the fact that they were now in a relationship wasn’t brought up at all. They didn’t need to talk about it right now, Louis thought, it could wait a day or two. Right now he was just happy that Harry was happy because that meant that One Direction was one step closer to their rightful place in the music industry.

Sometime during the evening, the news got out that they were dating. It looked like Harry had finally agreed to making it public, and Louis, Niall and Zayn shared a celebration beer. Everyone was going mad and the Stylies had even come up with the couple name. ‘Larry Stylinson’, they called them. Now, it wasn’t as cool and memorable as Brangelina but Louis hoped the name would stick.

*

A few days later they had their first taped interview in a while. 

Louis had rehearsed a few answers with Niall beforehand, just in case he might slip. After all, it wasn’t uncommon that he rolled his eyes or made a face when talking about Harry. He needed to convince everyone that he was as whipped as Harry was. Sure, the interview wasn’t going to be all about him and Harry but there was no doubt that it was going to be brought up.

The first part of the interview was like every other interview – ‘what do you look for in a girl?’, ‘what is it like to go from performing on the X Factor stage to performing in front of millions?’ – with the exception of a small mention of the new album. 

The new album was a topic the three boys had discussed a lot as well, and Liam had partaken in a few of those conversations too. They didn’t have a lot of songs recorded for the new album yet but if they worked hard, they could be done with it a month after the Brits. It would require lots of hours in the studio but it was definitely worth it.

“So, Louis, I guess it didn’t really come as a surprise to anyone when you and Harry Styles made your relationship public. Isn’t it relieving to not have to hide?” The male interviewer asked, and Louis smiled. 

Finally.

“It is,” he replied with a happy smile, hopefully looking a little love struck. 

He didn’t need to look at Zayn and Niall to know that they were happy with this question as well. Liam, however, was keeping a straight face.

“It must’ve been difficult to keep it a secret with Harry constantly being in the spotlight. How long have you been together? Was it hard to find some privacy and keep your tracks covered??” The guy asked, and Louis shrugged his shoulders.

“Well… No, it wasn’t hard to find privacy, and I don’t think we really tried to cover up, did we?” He let out a light laugh and looked at Zayn who as if on cue shook his head. “I guess we didn’t. I don’t know… Harry makes me careless.”

It was cheesy, romantic and it would for sure satisfy the press and the fans – and maybe also Harry, if he happened to come across it. In all honesty, it was the other way around but if Harry thought that he made Louis careless too, he would probably feel flattered and maybe a bit happy that Louis was as infuriated with him as he was about Louis.

“You’re pretty crazy about him then?” He asked, even though it was a pointless question. 

He knew it and everyone else knew it too.

“I am. He’s a fantastic guy, you can’t help but like him.” 

This was going great, Louis thought. Harry’s fans would for sure see this and it would spread, and people would be talking about them even more.

“That is true. Now, I’ve heard a rumor about a collaboration with Harry…” The interviewer arched an eyebrow and Louis opened his mouth to say ‘anything is possible’ but was cut off by Liam before he could even get the chance.

A collaboration? Why hadn’t he thought about this sooner? A collaboration with Harry would be terrific. Harry’s fanbase was obviously bigger than theirs at the moment, and having Harry on a song with them for the new album would be perfect. It would make more people buy the album in order to get the song, and selling more copies of their album was definitely something their record label would love.

“I’m afraid that’s all it is, a rumor. We have no plans of collaborating with Harry, not for the new album anyways. Maybe someday we will but not now,” Liam said and caught Louis by surprise. 

He hadn’t expected Liam to join in on this question.

“So there is a chance that you’ll collaborate with Harry in the future?” The guy pressed, and Liam smiled slightly.

“There is always a possibility but as I said, not for the new album. There will be no collaborations with anyone on this album, it’s going to be all us.”

Louis was very confused. How had this turned into a talk about the new album? Hadn’t it just been about his relationship with Harry? He turned to Zayn and Niall who were both looking at Liam, matching confused expressions on their faces.

Of course Liam didn’t know anything about the true nature of his relationship with Harry, so Louis knew that he couldn’t be too angry with him, but he still wanted to know why the hell Liam had just changed the subject.

He didn’t get to ask the question, though, because as soon as they got back to their dressing room, where they were just supposed to gather their stuff so they could get home, Zayn lost it.

“What the hell did you do that for?” he asked accusingly, catching Liam by surprise.

“What?” 

Zayn looked royally pissed off, and for a second, Louis was afraid he’d say something that would give them away. Hopefully Zayn could manage to gather a bit of self control and keep it hidden. Louis would trust Zayn with his life, he honestly would, but an angry or drunk Zayn was not to be trusted with anything.

“Why did you take over Louis’ question?”

Louis glanced over at Niall who just shook his head, and he knew that they were thinking the same – attacking Liam like was completely and utterly pointless because the poor guy couldn’t help it since he had no idea that the whole idea behind his relationship with Harry was to make people talk about them.

“Why do you care? Jesus, Zayn, I was just trying to help. I don’t think Louis wants his relationship splashed on the front page of every magazine,” Liam said, sounding a bit confused. 

Louis desperately hoped that they wouldn’t involve him in the discussion because he didn’t know what to say. Of course he wanted the relationship splashed on all the front pages but he couldn’t exactly tell Liam that.

“Louis is famous, people are going to want to know about this,” Zayn reasoned with an annoyed tone.

“So, what, just because he’s famous, he _has_ to share every little detail? I don’t understand, Zayn, you guy are fine with the fact that I don’t want to talk about Danielle.”

“Guys, come on,” Niall tried but they both ignored him.

“There’s a difference between you and Danielle and Harry and Louis. Harry chose to be famous and have his every move documented, Danielle is just a dancer.” Zayn paused for a moment and seemed to be aware that his word choice hadn’t been the best. “Don’t get me wrong, I like Danielle, but she’s not famous. Harry is famous worldwide and people are going to want to know.”

“Just because people want to know doesn’t mean that they have to tell them. They’re not in a relationship for the public, they’re in a relationship for themselves. It’s a private thing.” 

Liam was starting to sound just as annoyed as Zayn and Louis tried to ignore how guilty he felt. Liam was defending him and his relationship with Harry, and he really didn’t want Liam to find out that he was defending something that wasn’t even real.

“Harry was the one to make this public in the first place. If he didn’t want people to know about it, he wouldn’t either contacted Louis or waited until they met – he wouldn’t have used the media. Louis obviously doesn’t mind talking about it either, so I don’t see why you need to meddle in their business,” Zayn said and crossed his arms. 

Liam shook his head and still looked confused as hell which was understandable. Looking at it from Liam’s point of view, Zayn had just started yelling at him out of nowhere for trying to help his friend out.

“I was just trying to help, Zayn. There is no need to get so worked up over it. I just thought Louis wanted it to be kept private, like I do with Danielle,” he explained.

Louis wanted to get away from this conversation. Better yet, he wanted Zayn to stop discussing it with Liam. He was definitely going to have a talk with him when they got back him. There was no doubt that Liam would be questioning why exactly Zayn got so angry about this.

“Well, don’t. Louis doesn’t mind talking about it, do you, Lo-“ 

Niall seemed to think it was time to tell Zayn off and cut him off;

“Just shut up, both of you. The car is waiting out front.”

Louis smiled thankfully at Niall as both boys turned to pack up the little stuff they had brought, and Niall mouthed ‘you’re welcome’ back at him.

*

It had truly been ten crazy days. Liam and Zayn had made up, and Zayn had apologized for being out of line. Liam still didn’t seem to completely understand why Zayn had flipped like he did since Zayn’s ‘I was just having a bad day’-excuse wasn’t very believable. But Liam let it slip and accepted his apology, thankfully.

Louis was in bed and was on his tenth episode of Doctor Who when his phone vibrated next to him. Quickly picking it up, a smile slowly formed on his face as he read the text that turned out to be from Harry.

_Dinner tomorrow, y/y? I’ll cook for you xx_

He didn’t hesitate to text back.

_You sure that would be safe? ;-) Wouldn’t it be safer to just order in? x_

Less than a minute later, Harry had replied.

_I’ll have you know that I’m an excellent cook. Be here around six. Miss you x_

After quickly texting back ‘miss you too x’, he let out a happy sigh. Thank God for Harry’s invite, now he didn’t even have to figure out what to make for dinner tomorrow.


	6. The Romance

Louis wasn’t having the best morning. He had dreamt of Harry for the first time and it had been the most frustrating dream he had had in a long time.

In his dream, he had been out with Harry, which was nothing unusual but Harry had been… Different. He was more outgoing and more, well, flirty and Louis wasn’t in control of the situation at all. And then all of a sudden they were back at his flat and things were getting heated and then bam, Harry broke away from the kiss and looked at him with the most devilish look Louis had ever seen.

“You think using me is a good idea, Lou?” he asked and at this point Louis knew he was dreaming but he couldn’t wake up.

“You thought I wouldn’t find out? Really?” Harry asked in an evil sounding voice that most certainly did not belong to him. 

Louis swallowed and tried to get up from the sofa but Harry pushed him back down and straddled him. He smirked and Louis wasn’t so sure what his intentions were anymore. Was he going to have his way with him or kill him? He honestly couldn’t tell.

It didn’t calm Louis down to know that this wasn’t the actual Harry, though, if anything the whole thing scared him even more – the crazy eyes, the sly, confident, dark voice, the hands on his torso that felt so damn life-like.

“You’re a fool, Louis. You’ll see.” 

And with that, he moved in to kiss Louis again, and thankfully, this time, Louis woke up; bathed in sweat, his breath being rapid.

The way Harry had looked at him, even if it wasn’t real, had scared the hell out of him, and his words along with it. What if Harry found out? They would be absolutely screwed. Yes, Harry might like him now but if he found out that his boyfriend was just using him and didn’t care about him at all, that it was all just pretend, he would without a doubt be furious and wouldn’t just let it pass. 

If that happened, God forbid, he would just have to hope that Harry wasn’t the kind of person to ruin someone’s career.

Louis sighed. Yeah, that probably wasn’t going to happen. If Harry found out, it would be the end of the band, no questions about it.

He had that aching feeling in his stomach all day and up until he drove to Harry’s flat. He felt completely unprepared for the evening, and he felt as though Harry was going to just know as soon as he saw Louis. It was ridiculous but as he rang the door phone, he felt his heart beat speed up. Fuck.

“ _Lou?_ ” Harry asked through the phone, and Louis nodded before realizing how stupid that was.

He quickly replied ‘yeah’ and the door clicked open.

As he walked up the stairway, he felt more than a little sick. His stomach was hurting and his mind was working overtime. He just wanted to go home.

He rang the doorbell and mentally prepared himself for Harry’s reaction. Would Harry be able to tell? After all, Louis knew he must’ve looked very stressed and panicked.

“Hi,” Harry said with a wide smile as he opened, and Louis released the breath he’d been holding. 

So far so good, he thought.

“I’m not done with the food yet. You can wait in the living room… or you could help. If you want to, of course,” Harry suggested with a smile and closed the door as Louis was inside.

Louis hadn’t actually been in Harry’s flat before, and he was surprised how neat the hallway looked. This was definitely not what he had expected of an eighteen-year-old boy. Nothing was out of place; the shoes were lined up perfectly under the jackets, and he even had a small table with a mirror above it. On the table was a bowl with keys which was honestly the only thing that wasn’t perfect about this hallway.

Harry had definitely cleaned the flat before he got here, that was for sure.

“I can help. I’m not a great cook, though,” Louis replied with an apologetic smile. 

Harry just shrugged and waited for Louis to hang up his jacket before walking with him into the kitchen – which surprisingly didn’t look like a mess. Whenever Louis cooked – which wasn’t often – he always made a huge mess and had to spend a lot of time cleaning it afterwards. 

Okay, Louis thought, maybe Harry was just generally a very neat person.

“Don’t worry, I won’t make you do anything difficult. It’s done soon anyway,” Harry assured him. 

Louis nodded at the words and leaned against the counter while Harry went to check on the steaks in the frying pan. It smelled wonderful.

Louis honestly wasn’t a very good cook. Everyone who knew him could testify to that. He could make simply dishes, like pasta and stuff like that, but that got really boring really quickly. He usually ordered in or crashed Liam’s apartment around dinner time along with Niall and Zayn. Zayn was an alright cook and Niall… well, Niall wasn’t a bad cook… but he was definitely creative. If he was in the mood for steak and hot dog, he’d find a way to make it work.

“Can you get the salt? It’s right next to you,” Harry asked with a smile that showed off his rather cute dimples.

“Sure,” Louis replied and handed it over. 

He was so relieved that Harry hadn’t noticed how insecure and panicked he was when he arrived. The fact that Harry knew nothing and was living happily in his little bubble made Louis relax and enjoy himself a little when he was around him. He didn’t have to work hard because Harry already liked him, and he didn’t have to fight to keep it hidden because they only ones who knew about it was him, Zayn and Niall. He was as good as safe. Well, apart from the nightmare, which he was sure wouldn’t be the last.

“It smells great,” Louis stated and Harry smiled proudly.

“I hope it tastes good as well,” he replied, before turning off the stove.

 

Ten minutes later they were sitting in front of each other at in the dining room with food on their plates ready to eat. The dining room had unsurprisingly been very organized and neat as well. It was almost impressive how clean it was. Louis would definitely have to give his flat a makeover before bringing Harry over.

“I’ve got to be honest with you, I was expecting this place to be a huge mess,” Louis admitted, even though it hadn’t really been necessary.

“You’re not the first one to say that,” Harry replied with a chuckled as he poured wine – wine! – into their glasses. “It was a huge mess the first few months I lived here. I was used to having my mum clean up after me and eventually the mess just got to me. Took me two days to get this place cleaned up.”

“Two days?” Louis arched an eyebrow and Harry nodded.

“Yeah but it was definitely worth it. It took me a while to make cleaning up after myself a routine, though.” 

Louis felt a bit silly. Here he was – a twenty-year-old sitting in front of an eighteen-year-old who seemed to have more control of his personal life than he had.

“I guess so,” he simply replied and started eating. 

Harry hadn’t been lying about being an excellent cook. Already from the first bite, Louis decided that he would have to eat here more often because he felt like he had just tasted a little piece of heaven.

“God, this is good,” he exclaimed and got another proud look from Harry.

“I’m glad you like it.” 

Louis sipped the wine before digging right back into the steak and potatoes.

“Where did you learn to cook?” He asked in between bites and Harry shrugged.

“I’ve helped my mum in the kitchen a lot, and I took a few cooking classes with some of my girl friends a couple of years ago,” he explained and Louis couldn’t help but let out a disbelieving chuckle.

“Cooking classes?”

“In my defense I got free food and a couple of hours of good company. Would you say no to that?” Harry asked and arched an eyebrow while smiling and Louis thought it over for a second.

“Probably not,” he replied and figured that it was time for a change of topic. “So… Have you done anything interesting today?”

Harry smiled and then shook his head.

“Not really. I’m kind of busy with interviews right now. Everyone wants to know how our relationship is going and stuff,” he paused for a moment and bit his lip and seemed to think something over before finally continuing. “Uhm… I was wondering…”

“Yes?”

“There’s this movie premiere next weekend. It’s going to be really big, and I got an invite and it’s plus one, so I was wondering… if you wanted to come? It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Harry said and looked down at his plate as though he was afraid of getting a no.

Of course Louis wouldn’t say no, this was a perfect opportunity for him to bring some exposure onto the band. Maybe throw in a sentence or two about the new album, keep people interested.

“Sure, that would be great.” 

The relieved smile on Harry’s face as he looked up at Louis made Louis smile as well. He was almost like a little puppy, it was sort of cute.

“Great!” Harry said happily.

 

After they had finished eating and carried the remains out in the kitchen, Louis couldn’t stop himself from asking:

“How big is this place?” 

He knew it was bigger than his apartment. Hell, just the kitchen was twice the size of his, and his dining room and living room were combined.

“It’s pretty big. Do you want a tour?” Harry offered, and Louis nodded. “Alright. Imagine going from living in a house in Holmes Chapel to living in this. It was a bit of a change.”

“I know the feeling,” Louis said as Harry led him through the dining room into the living room. 

He wasn’t surprised to see a big flat screen TV on the wall and he certainly wasn’t surprised to see a large, white corner sofa.

“Well… This is the living room,” Harry lamely stated and laughed lightly.

“It’s nice,” Louis said with a nod and looked around the room. 

It looked a bit like his, except for the enormous, very comfortable looking sofa and the fact that it was a lot bigger. If he hadn’t been sure before, he definitely was now; there was no way he was bringing Harry over until he’d given his flat a complete makeover, even if it would take him days to polish it up.

Harry quickly showed him the bathroom – well, the first one only, he didn’t think the second one, which was the smallest one, was worth showing, and they continued into the bedroom.

Louis had expected a lot of things from Harry’s bedroom. A few posters, for starters, because he was a teenage boy after all. He expected maybe a few personal things, and he expected this room to be a little bit messy. He had expected something that could tell him something about Harry’s personality because he had heard or read somewhere that a person’s bedroom reflected their personality.

The room was plain white and there was a king sized bed in the middle. There were no posters, but instead a painting from some artist Louis didn’t know. There was another flat screen TV on the wall opposite the bed, and he kept his laptop on a desk by the window, and next to the desk was a bookshelf. Quite frankly, the room told him nothing about Harry.

How was it even possibly for Harry to have such a boring room? Even Louis’ room wasn’t that boring.

“It’s… something else,” Louis said since he didn’t really want to offend Harry by flat out saying that it was plain and boring as hell.

“It’s not exactly your typical teenage room, I know, but I like it. My room at my mum’s house is a lot different,” Harry explained, probably having noticed that Louis was surprised.

“Yeah?” Louis asked and walked to the bookshelf, looking at the books. Harry liked reading, who would’ve known?

“Yeah,” Harry confirmed and scratched his neck with a slight smile, “I sort of just let most of my things stay there and only brought the things I wouldn’t be able to live without such as CDs and DVDs. I bought the rest when I moved in.”

Louis turned his head a bit to read the titles of the different books, being somewhat impressed with some of the books Harry owned.

“Twilight?” Louis asked with an amused grin as he found the Twilight Saga among the books on Harry’s shelf and turned his head towards him.

“Uhm… a gift?” Harry said lamely and let out a low embarrassed chuckle which made Louis smile.

“Alright,” Louis replied before stuffing the book properly back into the shelf and walked to stand by Harry again.

“Uh, do you wanna watch a movie?” Harry asked. 

Louis nodded with a smile and followed Harry back into the living room and immediately sat down in the corner of the corner sofa. Damn, he’d have to get himself a sofa like this.

“Are you up for Sleepless in Seattle?” 

Harry was on his knees and was bending over a little to look at the movies on the bottom shelf, and Louis couldn’t stop himself from admiring his bum. It didn’t mean anything, of course, because Louis could always appreciate a nice ass. He’d always been a bit of an ass man.

“Eh, sure,” he replied and tore his gaze away from Harry’s bum as he got up and went to put the movie on.

“I’ll be back in a second,” Harry said before walking out of the living room. 

Louis let out a sigh and closed his eyes for a second. They hadn’t been dating for long and yet Louis felt as though they had been dating for a few months. He hoped Harry felt the same way because that would mean lots of opportunities to show off their relationship.

A few minutes later, Harry re-entered the living room two bowls, one large and one small, and a two cokes and a beer under his arm. Louis was slightly impressed that he had managed to carry it all into the living room without dropping it.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted a beer or a coke,” he mumbled and sat down next to Louis, holding both the coke and the beer out in front of him so Louis could pick.

“Coke’s fine,” Louis said and sent Harry a small smile as he took the coke, and Harry put the beer back on the table.

“Have you seen the movie before?” Harry asked while moving a bit closer to Louis.

“No. I’ve heard it’s good, though.” Louis said and shook his head. 

Harry nodded and grinned before leaning a bit closer to Louis, who took the opportunity to wrap an arm around him.

“It is.” 

Harry placed the large bowl of chips on Louis’ lap and kept the small one on his own, probably so they wouldn’t have to move so much and pressed play on the movie.

As the movie went on, Harry moved closer and closer to him and when they were halfway through it, Harry had pulled his legs up on the sofa and they were pretty much resting on Louis’ lap. Harry was turned towards him and his head was resting on Louis’ shoulder. Louis didn’t mind. The fact that Harry felt comfortable enough with him to cuddle with him was a very good sign, especially since they hadn’t been dating for that long.

“You know,” Harry suddenly whispered, “it’s been years since I’ve liked anyone as much as I like you.”

A bit random, Louis thought, but again, he didn’t really mind. If Harry wanted to be mushy, then they were going to be mushy.

“And I can’t even remember the last time I hit it off with anyone as well as we do. I feel like I want to be around you all the time.” Harry confessed and Louis stroked his upper arm gently, trying to come up with something quickly.

“I feel the same way, Harry,” he said. “You just make me really happy.”

Lame and vague, Louis thought, at least it made Harry happy and that was really all that mattered. Louis couldn’t see Harry smile it but he could sense it and when Harry’s hand found its way to his stomach and started caressing it gently, Louis knew that it had made Harry happy to hear that.

As the movie finished, Harry didn’t really seem to want to move right away so they sat there for a couple of minutes in silence and watched the end credits rolled over the screen. Louis suddenly felt a set of lips on his neck and only a few second later they were gone, and Harry pulled away from him with a smile.

“Did you like it?” Harry asked and then hurriedly added, “the movie, I mean.”

Louis chuckled and nodded.

"Yeah, it was good.”

They sat there for ten seconds just watching each other with a smile before Louis finally moved in to kiss him. If Louis had to pick, this was definitely his favorite date of the dates they had been on. Despite how nervous he had been, he had had a pretty good time.

When Louis broke off after a few minutes, Harry had the same goofy grin on his face as he had had the first time he kissed him. Harry was very into him, no questions about it, and it felt so good.

“I should probably get home,” Louis said and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, okay. I’ve got an early day tomorrow anyways.” Harry was smiling widely as he got up and waited for Louis to get up as well. 

Louis grabbed Harry’s hand as they walked towards the hallway, just because he knew Harry would love it.

After putting on his shoes and jacket, he turned to Harry who still had that goofy grin on his face. They said their goodbyes, shared another couple of kisses and Louis was out in his car within two minutes.

 

When he got home, Zayn and Niall were in his living room, and Louis was sure they’d been there for a while. It wasn’t a surprise since they all had a key to and were always hanging out in each other’s apartments but right now Louis just wanted to get himself a coke and spend an hour watching bad television before going to bed.

“It’s past midnight,” Zayn noted with a smirk.

“Did you get lucky?” Niall asked and wiggled his eyebrows.

Louis rolled his eyes with a small smile. “No, I didn’t. We were just watching a movie.”

“You _still_ haven’t gotten into his pants yet?” Zayn asked in disbelief. Louis sat down next to him on the couch and shrugged.

“No,” he said and reached out to snatch the bag of crisps away from Niall.

“Hey,” Niall protested and Louis just grinned and reminded him that he was the one who had paid for them.

“Are you even trying to?” Zayn raised an eyebrow and Louis shrugged again.

“No,” he replied honestly.

“Maybe you ought to. Don’t you think Harry will find it weird if his boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with him?” 

Louis made a face as Zayn referred to him as Harry’s boyfriend. It was something he had to get used to for sure.

“We’ve only been dating a few weeks,” Louis said defensively and that statement made Niall laugh.

“Yeah, because you usually wait a month or two before sleeping with them, right?” He said sarcastically and then kept laughing lowly.

Louis knew he was right. But Harry didn’t need to know that. He didn’t need to know that Louis had slept with all his past boyfriends within a week of their first date.

“Look, Lou, I’m not saying you should just jump into bed with him the next time you see him but at least keep it in mind,” Zayn explained and buried a hand in the crisp bag, stuffing his mouth with them.

“I will, don’t worry,” Louis assured him and took a few crisps too.

“I bet he takes it,” Niall said randomly, causing both Zayn and Louis to laugh loudly. “What, I’m serious!”

“I’m sure you are, Nialler,” Zayn said with a laugh.

As they eventually stopped laughing, Louis thought it over. Harry was probably expecting them to sleep together soon – he was a guy, after all – and Louis had absolutely no idea how he would handle that. Sleeping with Harry in itself wouldn’t be a problem, it was still sex; pretending to be in love with him and acting affectionate towards him while trying to enjoy the sex as much as possible, now _that_ might be a problem. 

Oh well, he’d just have to prepare himself for that – and maybe pop a blue pill beforehand, just in case.


	7. The Premiere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I chose to write this chapter from Harry's POV because I wanted to show you all how he views their relationship. So yeah. Next chapter will be from Louis' POV, no worries.

When Friday arrived, Harry was getting excited. And nervous. A bit of both, really.

Bringing Louis to the Men In Black 3 premiere would be their first public appearance as a couple, and that was what made him both nervous and excited.

See, Harry had had a fair amount of relationships in the past but absolutely none of them had been made public. He supposed it was his own fault that this particular relationship was as public as it was. His managers had made sure to tell him exactly how stupid it had been to out himself on TV. When Louis tweeted him, Harry thought they were all going to collapse from stress.

He had handled the situation badly but he couldn’t do anything to change it now. He hadn’t foreseen that this would happen. None of it. Well, he had spent the last year hoping that one day he would be able to tell Louis how he felt and have Louis return the feelings. That was all he had ever thought it out to be – a little crush he could day dream about.

That was why he had been so dumbstruck when Louis had actually contacted him. It was surreal and he _did_ pinch himself a few times after the call had ended just to make sure that it was in fact real life.

When Louis tweeted him, Harry knew he was going to get called in for a meeting and he was right. They had sat him down and explained to him what this could possibly do to his career. They had contacted Louis’ team and ordered the tweet removed, even though Harry had failed to see the point in that.

Harry’s publicists had a plan ready the minute he got off the phone with Louis. Coming out as a couple had become inevitable and now that they had settled that they were in a relationship, there was no other way around it.

They explained to him that there was two things that could happen due to the fact that he was as world widely famous as he was; either the fans embraced it and were happy for him or the majority completely abandoned him, and in order to keep the result from being the latter, they were going to make an example out of him. They were going to make him a role model for young gay kids, even though they still wanted him to maintain that he was bisexual to make sure the girls still thought they had a chance if the relationship didn’t work out.

They were hoping to attract the LGBT community and hopefully gain more male fans as well. They already knew that Harry had a solid gay fan base, and there was no doubt that it was going to grow. Hopefully the fans he was going to gain would even out the number of fans he was going to lose because no matter how much they tried, there was going to be fans who couldn’t accept that Harry was in a relationship with a guy. Harry just hoped that they wouldn’t lose too many.

Already the day after the meeting, Harry had been scheduled for a large number of interviews, and even though some of them tried to make sure the interview wasn’t just about his new relationship, the majority of them asked the same questions over and over again, and when Harry went to bed that night, he swore that he would strange the next person that asked him how long he had known that he was bisexual.

Bisexual. Harry chuckled. He didn’t understand why people felt the need to label everything. He was perfectly secure with his sexuality without having it labeled. If he liked someone, then there was nothing else that mattered.

The reason why he was nervous for the premiere tonight was because this was the first time he would see people’s reaction with his own eyes. Of course he had seen the reactions from the people on Twitter but it would be nothing like that tonight. On the internet he didn’t take mean comments too seriously ¬– not anymore – but if someone stood in front of him and looked at him like he was a cockroach… then Harry honestly didn’t know how he was going to react.

His publicist, John, had taken it upon himself to give Harry a day to day update on how people were taking it. It had been a little more than a week since he came out properly, and things were slowly but surely dying down. The first three days had been absolutely crazy. John had told him that he was literally all everyone was talking about, and most of it had been good which made Harry incredibly relieved. According to John, people were looking forward to seeing him tonight and many were hoping that he would bring Louis along.

He looked very much forward to tonight too. Just the fact that he would be walking down the red carpet with Louis and that everyone would know they were a couple made him smile.

Harry had to admit that he was a bit confused when it came to Louis. It didn’t seem like Louis’ team had been very upset after the tweet incidence, and he couldn’t understand that. Until Louis had contacted him, he had thought him out to be completely straight because that was what he had always told the public. Coming out with a guy as his boyfriend would’ve surely had some consequences, right? But as far as he knew, Louis hadn’t even been asked about it. Perhaps he was luckier than Harry when it came to people caring about his sexuality.

Of course Harry knew that One Direction weren’t as famous as they used to be, but could that really be the reason why people didn’t care about Louis’ hidden sexuality? Harry shrugged to himself and decided that as long as Louis wasn’t getting hateful comments thrown at him, it was a good thing.

 

The clock struck six and Harry was on his way to pick Louis up. His manager had arranged a limousine for them so they could arrive in style, and Harry was now sitting in that black, small limousine, browsing through his mentions.

_Are you going with Louis tonight? Xxx_

Harry smiled to himself and quickly replied ‘yes :)’ and then his mentions went crazy, and many of them asked him to put up a picture of the two of them. He replied ‘I’ll try..’ to one of them, even though he couldn’t see the point in that since they were going to get photographed a lot on the red carpet. Oh well, whatever made the fans happy.

“Hey,” Louis said as he popped his head into the car. Harry gave a small wave and grinned at him.

“Hey.” 

He watched as Louis got in and was very pleased to see that he was wearing braces. Harry absolutely loved those braces, he really did.

The first time he had seen Louis at JLS’ celebration party, he was wearing braces and stripes. Louis had looked so incredibly attractive that Harry hadn’t been able to stop following him around. No, he wasn’t following him around like a puppy but he kept close to him, and it took Harry three drinks to gather up the courage to talk to him.

Gemma, Harry’s sister, had been a huge fan of One Direction, so of course he knew who Louis was – who didn’t? – but hadn’t paid much attention to them. But seeing Louis in real life… Harry was gone from the second he laid eyes on him.

“Looking good,” Harry complimented, and Louis flashed him a smile before moving in to kiss him hello.

“You too. I love that smoking on you. Sexy,” Louis replied as he pulled back and winked. 

Harry felt like he was going to melt.

“Thanks,” he managed to say.

The effect Louis had on him was crazy. Even the small things Louis did to show affection made him all bubbly inside. Like when Louis took his hand after they had been at the movies or when he gently stroked his upper arm last time they saw each other.

They had been dating for almost a month now, although he felt like it had been way more than that. Their relationship was moving so fast at the moment but there was nothing he could do about that. If he could, he would definitely have waited with making it public until they had been dating or in a relationship for at least a few months but that was far too late, obviously.

Nevertheless, Harry was really happy with him, and he didn’t mind if everyone else knew that too but he was just afraid that Louis might think it was too early for them to even consider talking about their relatively new relationship like that.

He hoped they were in the same place because that would make things so much easier.

“Are you excited for the movie?” Louis asked, “I am. I loved the first two. I hope it’s not going to be a big disappointment.”

“I’ve actually only seen the first one,” he admitted with a small smile and Louis arched a brow.

“Really? Well… Want a quick summary of the second movie then?” He offered, and Harry chuckled.

“Sure. I guess that would be quite useful.”

And with that, Louis began explaining the plot summary to him, and honestly, Harry didn’t really pay attention. He wondered if he would ever get used to Louis being this close to him. Watching Louis talk was definitely one of his new favorite things to do – just the way he was so into what he was saying and how his expression would change along with the story… Harry loved it.

“… And basically that’s what happens. I can’t believe you haven’t seen it,” Louis said while shaking his head, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Tell you what,” Louis continued, clapped Harry’s thigh for a moment and then let his hand stay put, “why don’t you come over and we’ll watch it? Better yet, we’ll watch both of them. And then maybe a few other movies, have a small marathon. What do you say?”

Harry couldn’t help but smile widely and nod, “I’d like that. What are we watching other than those too?”

“We’ll see. How about you pick one and I’ll pick one, and if we’re not asleep when they’re finished, we’ll watch Grease?” Louis proposed with a glint in his eyes, and it took everything in Harry’s power not to move in and kiss him right there.

“Grease?” He replied in an amused tone, and Louis pointed to him with a smirk.

“Don’t even think about saying it or I’ll tell everyone you’re a huge Twilight fan.” 

Harry laughed and shrugged.

“Alright,” he grinned and then remembered what he said on Twitter, “uh, hold up, I promised Twitter a picture of us.”

“Really?” Louis’ eyebrows were raised as though he couldn’t really believe that they actually wanted a picture of them.

“Yeah,” Harry replied, took out his phone and held it out in front of them, “smile.”

Louis didn’t smile, though, instead he turned his head and pressed his soft lips against Harry’s cheek, and Harry’s smile grew a bit before he took the picture. Louis pulled away but kept his hand on Harry’s thigh, and Harry quickly tweeted it:

_At the carpet in a few minutes!_

 

They arrived at the carpet, and Louis immediately took Harry’s hand as they stepped out of the limousine. Screams, flashes, and lots of reporters were what met them. None of it was really a surprise.

They walked hand in hand until they were standing in front of the reporters and the photographers. Harry loved being the center of attention, he did, but all of the flashes from the cameras always made him dizzy and uncomfortable. Even the flashes at concerts weren’t as bad as this. It came with the job, though, so he couldn’t do anything about it.

“Stand closer together!” One photographer yelled, and Louis took this opportunity to let go of Harry’s hand, wrap his arm around Harry’s waist and pull him close.

“Can we get a kiss?” Another photographer shouted, and Harry’s heart beat sped up a bit. 

Were they really just about to have their first public kiss? Louis squeezed Harry’s waist, and Harry turned his head to look at him.

“Should we?” Harry mumbled, and Louis shrugged with the words ‘might as well’. The kiss was short and not very passionate – not because Harry didn’t want it to be longer and better, so to speak, but it felt a bit weird kissing Louis properly with people staring and taking pictures.

As the photographers finished taking their pictures, the reporters started shouting out their questions, and unsurprisingly they were all about their relationship and Harry.

“Harry! Louis! How does it feel being open about your relationship?”

“Louis! Louis! Over here! Did you fancy Harry before you got together?”

“Louis, how does the rest of One Direction feel about your relationship?”

“Harry, are you planning on posing for Attitude?”

They did their best to answer as many questions as possibly but eventually had to move on as some other celebrity arrived.

The fans went nuts as Harry and Louis walked past them and signed autographs for them, and they got many comment and questions about, surprise, their relationship, and Harry was happy to find that none of the comments he had gotten were negative.

“I think you should get married already! Like, seriously, you’re so cute together! Larry Stylinson is literally, like, my life!” A girl told him as he signed her CD, and he just chuckled.

Larry Stylinson… He didn’t know how to feel about that name. On one hand, it was a pretty ridiculous name for them, but on the other hand, it made him feel accepted. If they cared enough about their relationship to make a couple name for them, even if it was a ridiculous one, then it could only be a good thing.

 

After the movie, Harry had to admit that it had been pretty good. Not the best movie he had seen but it was alright, which he also tweeted. Louis, however, hadn’t been particularly amused by it.

“Maybe my expectations were too high,” Louis pondered as they were back in the limousine.

“Maybe. I thought it was alright. Well, I can barely remember the first one so I guess my expectations were very, very low. Didn’t really know what to expect.”

Louis just smiled back at him and wrapped an arm around Harry’s shoulders, “I had a great time, though. Even if the movie was disappointing.”

They reached Louis’ flat, and as the limousine stopped, Harry moved in to kiss Louis and it was much, much better than the silly kiss they had shared on the red carpet. Next time they were definitely going to do it differently, Harry decided.

Simple kissing turned into full-on snogging, and as Louis’ hand began making its way up Harry’s thigh, he pulled away and smiled at Louis

“Text me about that marathon,” he said to break the silence, and Louis nodded.

“Yeah, alright. Eh…” Louis paused, bit his lip and looked like he was seriously considering saying something, and Harry was pretty sure he knew what it was about.

After a short while, Louis seemed to decided that it wasn’t quite time for that yet – either that, or he could tell by looking at Harry what the answer would be – so he just smiled, moved in to kiss him one last time and said ‘good night’ before getting out of the vehicle.

Harry felt more than just happy as the driver drove towards his flat. No one had ruined his night with mean comments, and everything had been fantastic. He sighed happily and moved to lie down on the seat, smiling widely as he closed his eyes..

Man, he loved his life so much.


	8. The Next Step

Cleaning up the flat took way longer than Louis had thought, and none of the other three boys had wanted to help him when he texted them. Liam was with Danielle, Niall was out and Zayn simply just didn’t answer. Louis caught the hint after having sent his third text to him. Harry was coming in only a few hours, and not even half of the flat was done.

He had called up Harry the day before and arranged for him to come over for the movie marathon that they had discussed in the car, and Louis felt a tiny bit unsure of himself due to two reasons – one, it was Harry’s first time seeing his flat, and he felt desperate to make sure his place looked presentable and grown-up.

And two, Harry had rejected his attempt to go further than just kissing which obviously meant that Harry wasn’t at the same place as him. He knew that he kind of sprung it on him when they were parked in front of his building and he now wished that he had dropped a few hints throughout the evening. Zayn had told him to keep it in mind, and he had kept it in mind – until they got out of the car at the premiere.

He was back on a red carpet with interviewers yelling questions at him, cameras flashing and fans screaming how much they loved him – and his boyfriend – and suddenly everything else was irrelevant. Being in the spotlight like that again, even if it was with Harry, made him realize just how much he missed it.

This plan had to work it. It just had to.

It wasn’t until he looked at the time after having finished cleaning up the living room that he realized that he wouldn’t be able to clean all of this in one day and panicked a little bit.

Although he had already told Harry that his flat wasn’t all that clean, he still didn’t want Harry to get the impression that he was a slob, even though that might be exactly what he was.

When there was half an hour until Harry would arrive, Louis ordered pizza, just so it would be here when Harry got there. Pizza. He felt like hitting himself for not coming up with anything better, but he would honestly rather that Harry had pizza and was disappointed in Louis’ lack of cooking skills, than if he was served a home-cooked meal and spent all night in the bathroom being sick.

There had of course been the possibility of Louis asking one of his friends to cook for him but the idea had quickly been debunked. If they didn’t want to help him clean, they probably weren’t up for cooking for him and Harry either.

Pizza fit better for a movie marathon anyways, Louis thought and hoped that Harry would feel the same way.

If it had been any other guy than Harry, Louis wouldn’t have doubted for a second that he was alright with pizza and coke, but Harry…

He had difficulty figuring Harry out. At first he had thought he was able to read Harry like a book, and he was when it came to how Harry would react when Louis did certain things… but not with his personality. It wasn’t until he had been at Harry’s flat that he realized Harry was actually a complete stranger to him.

Sure, he knew _Harry Styles_ the musician but the Harry that he was current boyfriend… he didn’t actually know that much about him. He knew that Harry wasn’t a typical teenage boy, seeing that he was able to keep his flat freakishly clean and that he was actually able to cook a very respectable meal and serve nice wine.

He was beginning to see what Harry had meant on their first date when he said that his personality was far from his persona.

 

When the door phone rang for the second time, Louis had just finished arranging the living room. Pizza and coke on the table, blankets and pillows on the couch. If he couldn’t provide Harry with a fancy dinner, the least he could do was to give him a proper place to sit.

Luckily, it didn’t seem like Harry was expecting Louis to serve him a home-cooked meal with expensive wine because he was dressed casually with sand colored jeans, a random band T-shirt and a thin, dark green jacket which was a lot different from their last date.

“Evening,” Harry smiled, took off his jacket and went to pull Louis into an open-mouthed kiss before he even got to greet him too.

“Hello to you too,” Louis replied when he pulled away, and Harry just grinned back at him.

“So this is the infamous bachelor pad of Louis Tomlinson?” He asked as they walked through the kitchen into the living room, and Louis shrugged and mumbled ‘I wouldn’t call it a bachelor pad’ lowly.

“Oh, come on, Lou. A year ago the tabloids were filled with girls claiming to have been here.”

It was true – many girls had claimed to have been invited back to Louis’ flat, though not even half of them even had. It had started with this one girl who Louis regretted bringing home from the moment she got into his bedroom, and after she had posted about it on her Twitter and her blog, the media picked up on it, and suddenly ten girls were claiming to have slept with him, even though he had only slept with four of them.

Louis still remembered how calm he had been – and how calm his management had been – about the girls’ confessions, even if some of them weren’t real. They knew he was bisexual, and they also knew that he brought home as many boys as girls, and their main focus had been to make sure that there would be absolutely no record of his homosexual adventures.

And after all – having girls confirm his heterosexuality was a good thing because if some guy he had slept with spilled the beans on him to the tabloids – although Louis was always careful about whom he brought home with him – he would be outnumbered by the many, many girls.

“You’re different,” Louis said, sat down on the sofa and saw how the smile on Harry’s face turned into a wide grin.

“I know.”

“I’ve got pizza, I’ve got coke and I’ve got Men In Black.” Louis clapped the cushion next to him, urging Harry to sit down.

“I was thinking… Men In Black doesn’t really interest me,” Harry confessed as he sat down, “maybe we could watch something else?”

Louis watched him for a few seconds, shrugged and then got up, “alright, Grease it is.”

“But-“

“I’d suggest Twilight but I’m afraid I don’t have that because I, for one, am not into sparkly vampires and sweaty werewolves, though Taylor Lautner is quite fit without his shirt on.” 

Louis watched as Harry blushed and decided that he looked way better with a little color on his pale cheeks. He briefly wondered if Harry was as pale all over.

He quickly found the movie, put it on and walked back to the sofa. He sat back down next to Harry and moved a hand to gently play with Harry’s soft curls.

“Don’t worry, your curls can beat his six pack any day,” he whispered directly into Harry’s ear as he moved in close to him. He placed small kisses from Harry’s ear to his jaw while still playing with his hair. Harry didn’t say anything, although Louis could hear his breath hitch as he moved down to Harry’s neck, placing something that couldn’t even be called kisses on the pale skin.

His lips were merely brushing over his neck, sort of like Harry had done on their last date – only this was not only for a second or two, no, Louis kept this going until Harry finally let out a low moan. He then promptly stopped, moved up to Harry’s ear and whispered lowly:

“Eat your pizza.”

Harry didn’t react until Louis sat back with a small smirk present on his face. He cleared his throat and leaned forward to take a slice of pizza.

“I hope you like pepperoni,” Louis commented and pressed play on the remote.

“I do,” Harry confirmed.

 

Watching Grease turned out to be a great idea. Louis, who had played Danny in a school musical, knew all of the songs and all of the lines, and surprisingly Harry did as well.

“What does Danny even see in Sandy? I’m with Rizzo on that one, she makes me want to barf,” Harry commented as Danny began his long journey of changing for Sandy, and Louis nodded in agreement.

“She’s too pure. It’s not even realistic. That’s why Rizzo is my favorite,” Harry continued, and Louis arched an eyebrow.

“Rizzo?”

“Yeah. She says what she thinks and does what she wants,” he elaborated and Louis knew that Harry was sort of right. 

Still, the love between Sandy and Danny was amazing, even if Sandy was a bit over the top and unrealistic.

“So… you know this is my favorite movie. What’s yours?” Louis asked, trying to get to know Harry just a little bit better.

“Eh… Alright, don’t laugh. I’ve got a few. Love Actually is a great movie… The Notebook is great too, their story is just so tragic and amazing. And Titanic is one of my favorites as well.” 

Even though Harry had asked him not to laugh, Louis couldn’t help the smile that found its way to his face.

“I said ‘don’t laugh’!” Harry exclaimed, his cheeks being deep red as he saw the smile on Louis’ face.

“Not laughing,” Louis said a bit defensively while still smiling widely, “so did you bring any of them?”

Harry shook his head.

“No. I brought Fight Club.”

“Well… at least it’s better than Twilight.” 

Truth be told, Louis didn’t hate Twilight but he loved the blush that crept onto Harry’s face every time he mocked him with it.

“Shut up.”

 

Louis didn’t particularly care about the movie. He had never liked Brad Pitt that much. The first time he had seen the good-looking American was in an episode of the show, Friends, where he had almost been in tears from Brad’s horrific acting.

Harry seemed very interested in the movie, even though he had probably seen the movie many times.

Louis sat leaned back on the couch with his legs pulled up, observing Harry as he was way too engaged in the movie to even notice that Louis was looking at him. Louis would most likely deny it if asked but even with his skin breaking out, his large nostrils and his wild curly hair, Harry was sort of all right looking. Sort of.

Louis could easily see why girls were lining up to be with him. His smile was charming, partly because of his dimples and most certainly not because of his slightly crooked teeth. His curls, he supposed, were a part of his charm, even if they needed a trim. His eyes… Now, Louis wasn’t a sap, not really, but even he could admit that Harry’s eyes were hypnotizing. He had first thought they were blue and had been a bit surprised to discover that they were in fact green.

Harry’s lips were honestly perfect. Pink, full, soft and Harry knew how to use them right. Louis had kissed a lot of people in his life and Harry was far from the worst.

All together, Louis found Harry to be a good-looking lad, even if he wasn’t going to admit that to anyone else.

Harry suddenly turned his head, probably having felt Louis’ stare, and caught his glance. At first Harry looked at him curiously, and when Louis slowly started stroking Harry’s inner thigh with his finger tips, it looked as though he caught on, and that was when Louis moved in to kiss him.

It started out slow with Harry’s soft lips moving gently against his, Louis’ hand once again buried in Harry’s brown curls.

Scratch what he had thought earlier, Harry was definitely one of the best kissers he had come across. He knew exactly how to deepen the kiss without making it too sloppy and wet, and he knew just where to lick to make Louis crave more.

When Harry pulled back, all Louis wanted to do was to pull him back in for another kiss but he didn’t get the chance. Harry just looked into his eyes for what seemed like an eternity, and Louis felt completely out of control. No wonder the people had labeled Harry as the ladies’ man.

It happened before Louis even got a chance to react.

Suddenly he was lying awkwardly on his back on the couch with Harry on top of him, kissing him eagerly.

Finally.

A small smile found its way to Louis’ lips before he returned the kiss just as eagerly, not wanting Harry to get the chance to have any second thoughts about it.

Eventually Louis got out of his awkward position – on his back, legs bend to the side on top of each other – and ended up on top of Harry. How they managed that without falling off the sofa was beyond him.

Shirts were thrown on the floor, the kisses got sloppier and more desperate and hips were grinding together, making low noises escape from both boys.

Louis felt like he was about to burst. He hadn’t had any action besides his own hand in the month they had been dating, and having Harry’s body pressed against his was already so much better than just jerking off by himself.

His head was buried in the crook of Harry’s neck, marking him with his lips. Harry was panting lowly and moving his hips along with Louis’, and he was desperately clinging to Louis’ back, pressing their bodies closer together.

“You’re so fucking hot, Christ,” Louis mumbled against his neck.

He hoped that they would go further than just grinding but if Harry wasn’t up for that, then Louis would just have to make his peace with that for now.

“You too,” Harry managed to say, and Louis decided that he really liked how low and seductive Harry’s voice got when he was turned on.

“You’re a bottom, right?” He asked, just to be sure.

He was fairly sure that Harry was a bottom. Sure, Harry might’ve been taller and have a bit more muscle than him but there was something about Harry that just screamed ‘I take it up the ass’ even though Louis couldn’t put a finger on what.

“Mhm, no,” Harry replied, making Louis’ eyes fly open. 

He pulled back from Harry’s neck and looked down at him.

“What?” Louis asked and bit his lip. 

Fuck. He wasn’t going to bottom for Harry. Definitely not. Louis both bottomed and topped, sure, but there was just no way he was going to let Harry top him. No way.

“I’m not a bottom. But I can be for you,” Harry said, and Louis felt his heart pound all the way up to his ears.

“You… what?”

“Just… go slow. I’ve only done it twice,” Harry said and looked so genuine and sincere, it made Louis’ stomach ache in a weird way – he wasn’t sure if it was in a good or a bad way.

Harry, who had only bottomed twice, wanted to let Louis fuck him. How was Louis supposed to feel good about that? If Louis had actually been in love with Harry, there wouldn’t have been a problem, hell, he would’ve probably felt really, really good about it.

But there was a problem, and that problem was the fact that Louis wasn’t in love with Harry.

“Uh… Are you sure?” He asked, and Harry just nodded.

“Yeah… I mean, I trust you. Last time was awful… but I trust you.”

Fuck. Louis almost wanted to tell Harry to that he could just bottom instead. Almost.

“Alright… But let’s go to the bedroom instead.” 

Harry smiled and let Louis pull him up from the sofa before following him into the bedroom.

*

Louis got up early the next morning. Harry was still sleeping peacefully next to him, and he didn’t have the heart to wake him up.

He got out of bed and went to take a shower to wash the smell of sex off him.

Last night had been great. Better than great, it had been mind-blowing, and he was pretty sure Harry thought so too.

One thing he was absolutely sure of was that it had meant a lot to Harry. The way Harry had looked up at him with a reassuring smile had told him that.

And when Harry had wanted to cuddle afterwards, Louis had obliged. He didn’t mind, really.

Louis sighed as he stepped into the shower, turned on the water and let the hot drops caress his body.

 

When Louis got out of the shower, Harry wasn’t in bed which he found a tad strange since he didn’t really know where Harry could go.

He quickly got dressed and headed into the kitchen only to find Harry by the stove and Zayn and Niall by the kitchen table with wide grins on their faces.

“Morning, Lou,” Niall greeted, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Eh, morning. What’s.. eh, what’s going on?” Louis asked, not understand why Zayn and Niall were there and why the hell Harry was cooking.

Harry let out a low chuckle and shrugged.

“I wanted to surprise you and make breakfast,” Harry began and Louis glanced over at his two friends who were still smiling annoyingly widely, “but I couldn’t find the things I needed. Luckily Zayn and Niall got here and helped me find it. I hope it’s alright.”

“Of course it’s alright,” Louis assured him with a smile and walked to stand next to him.

Having his two friends there was more than a little distracting. How was he going to pretend to be all in love with Harry when there were two people here who knew very well that he wasn’t?

“Come here.”

When Louis pulled Harry into a kiss, he decided to ignore his band mates for now and just focus on Harry because pretending to be in love with him was what mattered right now.

Zayn and Niall were going to get a detailed description of last night later, anyways.


	9. The Argument

“Spill.”

Louis couldn’t hold back a short laugh – Zayn and Niall weren’t even inside his flat yet and they already wanted details. It wasn’t a surprise. Harry had _just _left and he had barely made it into the living room before they’d been at his door again.__

__“How about you come in first?” he suggested._ _

__“Sounds like a plan,” Zayn grinned and walked past him, “you’ve got to have him over more often, his egg and bacon were the best I’ve ever had in my life.”_ _

__“You’ve got to talk him into making dinner for us,” Niall continued, and Louis shook his head as he closed the door behind them._ _

__“No way.”_ _

__“Only joking,” Zayn reassured him and winked._ _

__The three of them walked into the kitchen and sat down; Louis didn’t find the hallway a great spot to have this conversation. If they were going to put him through a third degree, he’d rather be sitting down._ _

__“So,” Zayn began, “I’m guessing it went well?”_ _

__Louis wasn’t sure how into detail they’d want him to go. Niall was straight – with the exception of Justin Bieber, Zayn usually added – and he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. To be fair, it took a lot to make Niall uncomfortable but he had to keep it in mind. Zayn, however, wasn’t one for labels – much like Harry, Louis mentally added – and Louis had never actually heard him define his sexuality. He supposed it didn’t matter much but he had always labeled Zayn as bisexual in his mind._ _

__“You could say that.”_ _

__“Come on, Lou. What happened?” Niall wiggled his eyebrows along with his question, just like he had done earlier that morning._ _

__“What do you think happened? We watched the movies and he spent the night on the sofa instead of driving home? Honestly. We slept together. Quite obviously,” Louis said and rolled his eyes._ _

__It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about it and spill all the details of how the night with Harry had been, it was just that his two friends were being idiots. They’d obviously known that he’d spent the night with Harry since they found him in the kitchen – why make him say it?_ _

__“Easy, we just wanted to make sure we got it right. Don’t bite our heads off,” Zayn said with an amused smile._ _

__“Details, Louis, that’s all we want,” Niall grinned, and Louis arched an eyebrow at that statement._ _

__“Since when are you interested in my sex life?” he asked._ _

__Alright, Louis thought, maybe he wasn’t so keen to talk about this. He didn’t have anything against talking about sex in general, they talked about sex all the time, but he felt like he owed it to Harry to keep it quiet. If Harry hadn’t been a top who was willing to bottom for him and if Harry hadn’t looked at him with those green doe eyes of his and told him he trusted him, he probably wouldn’t have thought twice about telling his two friends._ _

__“Since you started dating Styles. Spill.”_ _

__“Alright,” Louis sighed, “what do you want to know?”_ _

__Maybe he _could _tell them, he thought. What harm would it do, anyways? Harry would never find out he told them, just like he wouldn’t find out that their entire relationship was fake.___ _

____“Who’s.. eh, you know, pitching, and who’s catching?” Niall asked, shrugging._ _ _ _

____“Pitching and catching? Really?” Zayn laughed._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, you know, who’s front and who’s behind. Who’s the girl and who’s the bloke. You know,” Niall elaborated, obviously not catching onto the fact that Zayn already knew what he was talking about and was just mocking his choice of words, “he takes it, right?”_ _ _ _

____“Well…” Louis began, thinking it over. Should he just say that yeah, Harry was a bottom, or should he tell them what really happened?_ _ _ _

____Zayn interpretered his silence a bit differently._ _ _ _

____“Woah, he tops?”_ _ _ _

____“Of course not. Actually… Yes, he does. But not with me. He’s a top but he bottoms for me,” Louis explained, waiting for their reactions._ _ _ _

____“I don’t understand – if he, eh, bottomed for you, isn’t he a bottom then?” Niall asked, sounding a bit lost._ _ _ _

____“With me, he is, yes, but not in general. Before me, he’d only done it twice. He said he trusted me not to hurt him or something. Apparently the other times hadn’t been very pleasant,” Louis said and was surprised with just how bad he felt about spilling the details of his and Harry’s intimate relationship to his friends._ _ _ _

____It didn’t mean anything, of course, but it annoyed him a lot._ _ _ _

____When he had first asked Harry out, he had thought that he’d be able to go through this and not feel bad about any of it. But apparently he was human after all._ _ _ _

____It hadn’t hit him until they were on his bed and Harry was under him, a grimace on his face that clearly told Louis that he was either in pain or found it incredibly uncomfortable._ _ _ _

____“Are you alright?” Louis had asked, completely out of breath, and Harry immediately nodded, even though it was obvious that he wasn’t entirely alright._ _ _ _

____“I’m fine, keep going.”_ _ _ _

____And Louis did for a few seconds before Harry finally cracked and groaned, biting hard down on his lip._ _ _ _

____“Shit, d’you want me to pull out?” Louis asked._ _ _ _

____Lots of thoughts were running through Louis’ head; maybe he hadn’t prepared him well enough, maybe Harry was too tense, maybe they needed more lube, maybe he was going too fast, maybe, maybe, maybe. The only thing he was absolutely sure of was that he really didn’t want to stop._ _ _ _

____Harry shook his head._ _ _ _

____“No, just… Give me some time,” he replied in a small voice and Louis held still, still breathing heavily._ _ _ _

____Harry felt absolutely amazing around him, and he couldn’t wait until Harry adjusted because right now he felt like he was about to lose it any second due to the unbelievable tightness. He had to move soon or he wasn’t going to last._ _ _ _

____“Take as long as you need,” he heard himself say._ _ _ _

____“Move,” Harry murmured after a short while and Louis obeyed._ _ _ _

____A few moments later he was buried balls deep in Harry, and all he wanted to do was to move but no, he couldn’t. Not yet._ _ _ _

____“Are you okay?” he asked, “it doesn’t hurt, does it?”_ _ _ _

____Harry shook his head again, “it doesn’t _hurt _, it’s just stings and it’s… it’s uncomfortable. Please just… move.”___ _ _ _

______“You sure?” Louis couldn’t help but ask._ _ _ _ _ _

______He didn’t want Harry to decide that it was too uncomfortable or that it hurt too much halfway through because they hadn’t waited until he was completely relaxed and ready._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes. Just go slow,” Harry said, and Louis nodded slightly._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You know I will,” he replied._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry sent him a small smile and said the words that made Louis’ stomach turn;_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I know. I trust you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______That was the moment he realized that he might be in too deep, no pun intended. The way Harry was looking up at him made his stomach hurt in a somewhat painful way. Louis already knew that he trusted him but to hear it like that made his guilt kick in._ _ _ _ _ _

______And the worst part was that he couldn’t do anything but continue what he was doing._ _ _ _ _ _

______Faking affection suddenly just became a whole lot harder but he managed, and now… now he was feeling incredibly guilty about spilling all of this to his friends. He couldn’t tell them about how guilty he felt, though. _That_ , he’d have to keep for himself._ _ _ _ _ _

______The next thing he heard was Zayn’s laugh which shook him back to reality._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You really got him wrapped around your finger, don’t you?” Niall asked, his smile being impossibly wide._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I suppose so.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Really, Lou, it’s brilliant. The crazier he is about you, the better,” Zayn said before changing the subject back to the previous evening, “so how was he?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis shrugged while trying to find the words – it had been amazing, despite how guilt-ridden he had felt during the first minutes. As soon as Harry lost himself in what they were doing, Louis allowed himself to do the same._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’ve had better,” he settled for, “but it was good.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Good? So there isn’t anything controversial about him in bed at all?” Niall pressed._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well… He makes the weirdest face when he, you know, comes,” Louis confessed and chuckled as his friends started laughing, neglecting to tell them that he actually thought it was kind of cute._ _ _ _ _ _

______*_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Tell me why we’re here again?” Louis asked and suppressed a yawn as he looked around._ _ _ _ _ _

______Everyone was in their finest robes and dresses – including Harry and him – and it was all very fancy. It was one of those events where you only came because they had open bar or because you wanted to look good._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m here because I’m handing out a prize and you’re here because you offered to keep me company._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You didn’t tell me it was going to be like this,” Louis said defensively._ _ _ _ _ _

______He really didn’t want to sound like an annoying brat but when Harry had said he was going here, he made it sound like there would be a lot of popular celebrities there and that it would be on television and all sorts of stuff like that, and Louis was incredibly disappointed and irritated to find out that it was nothing like he’s imagined._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry was probably the biggest star there, followed by Louis, but people didn’t seem to care about that. They were all more interested in the prizes and the people getting them than the fact that there Harry and him were there. There were a few photographers and cameras but it was nothing huge._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You didn’t ask,” Harry replied._ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis didn’t understand why there weren’t any chairs. It was ridiculous. This would probably take a few hours and he had to stand up through all of it? Thank God for open bar, he thought._ _ _ _ _ _

______They’d been here for half an hour and Louis was already completely exhausted from just thinking of how long it would take before he was back in his soft, warm, wonderful bed._ _ _ _ _ _

______“How do you even fit in with these people?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The majority of the people here were thirty and up, and Louis really couldn’t see Harry, an eighteen-year-old pop singer, being friends with any of them._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Huh?” Harry asked, looking at him with a confused look in his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis shrugged and gestured around, “you know. They’re all old.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Old?” Harry asked and arched a brow._ _ _ _ _ _

______Maybe ‘old’ wasn’t the best word to use._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well, they’re not _your_ age,” Louis mumbled._ _ _ _ _ _

______He knew that he was slowly getting annoyed. How could he not? He didn’t really want to be here and he couldn’t just leave, even if there wasn’t really any press, because Harry would surely have a fit if he did._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re not my age either,” Harry said in an attempt to defend himself, although it was a bad argument since there was quite a huge difference between a twenty-year-old and a thirty-five-year-old._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t know everyone here, Lou. I know eleven or twelve people here. You know a few too. Alan Carr’s over there,” he explained and pointed discreetly in the direction of Alan._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Still, I don’t understand why you of all people have to be here and hand out a prize. Why didn’t they choose someone who actually looks like they belong here?” Before Louis had finished his sentence, he knew that he should’ve thought it through before saying it out loud._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry didn’t look pleased._ _ _ _ _ _

______“That was rude.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Sorry,” Louis huffed._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______Fast forward two hours and Louis was bored out of his mind. Harry had been on stage and had handed out a prize to someone Louis had never even heard of, and Louis had foolishly thought that they’d be able to leave after that._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Not yet,” Harry had said when he asked, and that had been nearly an hour ago._ _ _ _ _ _

______Apparently this event wasn’t just prizes. Harry made it clear that mingling was a part of this. He had never in his life been to anything like this, and he didn’t understand why mingling was so important. But hey, who knew, maybe he just wasn’t sophisticated enough to understand the point in wandering around among other people and drinking champagne and other stuff while discussing the new bestseller or the problems in the south._ _ _ _ _ _

______And to make things worse, Harry had disappeared from his side after ten minutes and was now engaged in deep conversation with a couple of forty-year-olds, a writer and another guy Louis didn’t know._ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis himself had been at the bar for a while now, downing countless drinks to keep himself entertained._ _ _ _ _ _

______This was not how he imagined he’d spend his day._ _ _ _ _ _

______The more he drank, the more irritated he got. How dared Harry just leave him to himself? If he had planned to just ignore him like that, why would he have brought Louis along? Sure, Louis had asked, but Harry could’ve easily said no instead of doing this, and if he remembered correctly, Harry had been more than happy that he offered to come with him._ _ _ _ _ _

______And then he goes and does this? No. It wasn’t fair._ _ _ _ _ _

______It wasn’t until Louis started making his way towards Harry that he realized that he might be a bit more than tipsy. He should’ve probably stopped and turned around the second he realized that but he didn’t._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Harry,” he said a bit too loudly as he reached him, wrapping his arms around Harry from behind, “Harry, I’m bored.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry seemed as surprised by Louis as the two men he was talking to did but Louis found that he didn’t really care. Harry was the reason why he was still here, therefore he had to make Harry want to leave._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Louis…” Harry mumbled, his voice being surprisingly low, almost as though he didn’t want the other men – or anyone else for that matter – to hear._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Can we leave, please?” he asked, holding tightly onto Harry._ _ _ _ _ _

______“No. Louis, let go.” Harry wasn’t talking anymore, he was whispering. A few people close to the two men Harry had been talking to were looking at them with curious stares, and it seemed to affect Harry a little._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Come on, Harry, you left me to myself practically all night – “_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Louis!” Harry whispered harshly, “stop.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis probably should have stopped or at least lowered his voice when he heard the anger in Harry’s voice but unfortunately he didn’t._ _ _ _ _ _

______“ – and I’m your _boyfriend_ , your _lover_. Do you think these two gentlemen just leave their wives behind while they mingle? Let’s ask them!” Louis turned his head towards the two men, “do you –“_ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry wouldn’t let him say anything else. He mumbled a quick ‘excuse me’ to the men and proceeded to drag Louis away from the scene._ _ _ _ _ _

______Before Louis knew what was happening, he was sitting in the passenger seat of his own car while Harry was driving without saying anything and was just looking straight out the window with a displeased look on his face._ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis knew he should probably apologize; he didn’t want to fight, but his eyelids suddenly felt heavier and heavier to the point where he –_ _ _ _ _ _

______*_ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis felt horrible from the moment he woke up. His head was hurting, and he had a gross taste in his mouth. How much had he even drunk? He had lost count somewhere around his seventh drink. It was all Harry’s fault, really._ _ _ _ _ _

______Speaking of Harry, where was he?_ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis couldn’t remember much from the car ride home – was this even his flat? – and from how he got into this bed; he had been pissed and tired, and the only thing he remembered was Harry’s angry face._ _ _ _ _ _

______Shit._ _ _ _ _ _

______Had Harry really been that angry? Louis hadn’t been that out of line, had he? Hopefully Harry wasn’t angry anymore because Louis didn’t really want to fight with him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Harry?” he asked as he sat up, not being surprised to see that he was in Harry’s bedroom._ _ _ _ _ _

______A bit unwillingly he got out of the soft bed and got dressed. God, if he hadn’t been a right dick to Harry yesterday, he would’ve stayed in bed for a few more hours. Harry’s bed was even more comfortable than his own. Maybe he should stay here more often. Yeah. That seemed like a good idea._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Harry?” he asked again when he got into the kitchen, finding Harry by the table, a cup of tea or coffee next to him, reading a newspaper of some sort._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I hope you’re happy,” Harry replied, not even bothering to look up, “front page news.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis froze. What?_ _ _ _ _ _

______A horrible thought came to him – did Harry know? Had their plan somehow gotten out? No. It couldn’t possibly…_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What are you talking about?” he asked a bit unsurely._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What do you think I’m talking about, Lou?” Harry snapped and closed the newspaper before turning it around and pushing it towards Louis._ _ _ _ _ _

______Harry called him Lou. Louis felt some of the tenseness go away. He wouldn’t call him by his nickname if he knew that their relationship was a scam for fame on Louis’ part. If that had been the case, ‘manipulative tosser’ would’ve been a more appropriate to use on._ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis went to the table and glanced down at the latest issue of The Sun, seeing the words ‘ _Trouble in Paradise?_ ’ plastered on the bottom of the page along with a picture of him and Harry._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh,” Louis said and realized that he sounded like he was relieved a second too late._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh? Oh? That’s all you’ve got to say?” Harry asked in disbelief._ _ _ _ _ _

______Fuck, he was still angry._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m sorry. I had too much to drink and I –“_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Why were you even drinking? Don’t you have any self-control or do you just have to get pissed whenever you get the chance?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis was taken aback by Harry’s words and tone._ _ _ _ _ _

______Although Harry didn’t seem like the type to start shouting in anger, Louis definitely wished he would because _that_ he could handle._ _ _ _ _ _

______The way Harry said it – sharp yet calm and like an adult – made him feel stupid and like a little kid being told off. And frankly, Harry’s tone pissed him off. It was just like when his parents used to tell him off; they made themselves sound superior to him and he absolutely hated it._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Of course I have self-control,” Louis replied defensively, “but I was bored. Which I told you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“So because you were bored, you decided to get pissed and make a fool of both me and yourself? I see.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Maybe I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t left me to myself.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis really didn’t want to fight, he really, really didn’t, but Harry was making it awfully hard not to._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I didn’t know you needed my full attention all the time,” he replied, rolled his eyes and got up, heading to the fridge._ _ _ _ _ _

______Louis pressed his lips together in a thin line and desperately tried not to raise his voice._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t need your full attention all the time but it would be nice if you could acknowledge my existence every once in a while,” he said and turned around so he was still facing Harry who looked like he was getting ready to make breakfast._ _ _ _ _ _

______“You were the one who wanted to come, Louis, remember that,” Harry commented and closed the fridge, heading to the stove._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I assumed you were going to be bored,” Louis said, crossing his arms._ _ _ _ _ _

______“And what did I do to give you that idea?” Harry arched an eyebrow, “If I remember correct, I told you I was going there and you immediately offered to go with me.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Part of Louis wanted to tell Harry that he only asked if he could go because he thought it was going to be on television. There was no way that he could say that, though, but man, did he want to._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I said I’m sorry, Harry, get over it,” he said instead and turned back to the table, sitting down._ _ _ _ _ _

______He studied the front page for a few minutes before he realized that his cock-up had actually made the front page of The Sun. Before Niall came up with their plan, he hadn’t been on the front page of any magazine in at least four months. No, this wasn’t the kind of headlines their PR team was looking to make but at least it was something?_ _ _ _ _ _

______Fighting with Harry wasn’t smart but making headlines, no matter good or bad, was definitely a good thing._ _ _ _ _ _

______He quickly read the article and chuckled to himself. They made it sound like he and Harry were on the edge of breaking up. According to a ‘source’, Louis had drunkenly stumbled through the crowd, grabbed Harry’s bum and shouted up the room. They went onto talking about the possibility of Louis being an alcoholic, due to the many times he had been pissed in public._ _ _ _ _ _

______Oh, how he had missed amusing articles like this._ _ _ _ _ _

______His mood had improved a lot when he reached the end of the article. With that, he got up, walked to Harry and wrapped his arms around him from behind, just like he had done the night before._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m sorry, Haz,” he mumbled directly into Harry’s ear and placed a soft kiss by his jaw while stroking the exposed skin right above his trousers with his thumbs._ _ _ _ _ _

______He couldn’t help but smile as Harry relaxed in his embrace, so he added: “I promise I won’t do it again.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s okay,” Harry said lowly and with that, Louis knew he wasn’t angry anymore._ _ _ _ _ _

______Still, he felt like he needed to do something extra to make sure he didn’t suddenly remember how Louis had embarrassed him the night before and get angry again._ _ _ _ _ _

______He made Harry turn around and didn’t waste any time before moving in to join their lips in a kiss, his hand immediate finding Harry’s hips._ _ _ _ _ _

______It didn’t last as long as Louis had wanted it to because Harry pulled away, a cute smile playing on his lips._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m not kissing you until you brush your teeth,” he stated and Louis arched an eyebrow._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh, you’re not?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“That’s right, I’m not.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______And with that, Harry removed Louis’ hands from his hips and went to the fridge to get something else, possibly milk for the scrambled eggs he was making._ _ _ _ _ _

______“We’ll see about that,” Louis grinned and followed him._ _ _ _ _ _

______Before Harry knew what was happening, he was being pressed up against the wall. Louis barely got to register Harry’s eyes growing wide before he had connected their lips once again. Harry, who had tensed up the moment his back hit the wall, slowly relaxed as he realized that his boyfriend was only planning on snogging him senseless._ _ _ _ _ _

______And this time Harry didn’t pull away._ _ _ _ _ _


	10. The Confession

Louis didn’t know why he had agreed to it. Liam had been the first one to bring it up and then both Zayn and Niall had gone along with it. Peer pressure. If Louis had had his way, there was no way this was happening.

He had been outnumbered which unfortunately meant that Harry was coming for dinner so Louis could introduce him to his friends officially.

Even if it had been their idea, none of them wanted to help him cook. He settled for a take-out. None of his visitors probably expected anything else – it was just a casual get together, anyways. To them, at least. Louis, however, was nervous although he didn’t have any reason to be. Zayn and Niall wouldn’t tell and Liam didn’t know a thing.

But what if they said or did something that put Harry off? It wasn’t uncommon for his friends to act like.. well, pigs sometimes. Boys will be boys, Louis always thought when another food fight erupted. Louis could be immature sometimes, that was no secret, but unlike his three friends, Louis knew Harry. The only knowledge they had of Harry was what they had read in the papers and what Louis had told them.

When the clock struck six, everything was ready. The food was on the table, the lads were in the living room, the flat was clean – the only thing that was missing was Harry. Louis figured that he had just enough time to make sure they behaved when Harry got there.

“Be nice. Please,” Louis pleaded, standing in front of the couch, the three lads watching him from the sofa.

“It means a lot to me. He’s my boyfriend-“ a silly grin appeared on Zayn’s face but luckily Liam didn’t see that. Louis had to remind himself to have a word with him about that, “and I want him to like you.”

“What, you’re not worried if we’re going to like him?” Niall asked.

Yes, Zayn and Niall had already met Harry but it had been brief and there had been an awkward silence during the meal, mostly because the two idiots kept smirking at Louis who already felt uncomfortable with their presence.

“No. It’s you three I’m worried about. Just… don’t be rude.”

Liam nodded. Zayn and Niall didn’t. Apparently they thought it wasn’t needed while it was their behavior Louis was worried about. He wasn’t worried about Liam – only a little, that was – because he knew he’d behave. Zayn and Niall didn’t seem to understand that one wrong comment could ruin it.

He had thought they were cool with it and able to keep it hidden but from the way they, especially Zayn, had smirked the morning they found Harry in the kitchen; he knew that they underestimated Harry. They thought he was oblivious to everything. Hell, he had at first too. Mostly because Harry hadn’t done anything to make him think that he wasn’t completely and stupidly in love with him. The Incident, as Louis had dubbed it, and its aftermath had shown him that Harry was capable of talking back.

“Zayn, Niall?” Louis asked, and they both nodded in agreement, “good.”

As if on cue, the door bell rang and Louis’ heart started beating uncomfortably fast. Merlin, why was he still nervous? He had nothing to be nervous about. Right?

“Are they here yet?” was the first thing Harry asked and Louis amusedly noted that he sounded nervous. He wasn’t the only one who was nervous, after all.

“Yes, in the living room,” he replied and kissed Harry for just a second.

“Oh. Are they-, do I-“

“Harry. You’ll be fine,” Louis assured him, taking a hold of his hand, “don’t worry.”

Knowing that Harry was probably just as nervous as he was calmed him down. He squeezed Harry’s hand gently to support his words and it seemed to take some of Harry’s nerves away. At least for a little while.

As a finishing touch, he wrapped his free hand around the back of Harry’s neck – which he’d found out Harry seemed to enjoy quite a lot – and pulled him into another kiss. He could practically feel Harry melting in his arms.

 

As it turned out, there was no reason for Louis to be nervous. The three lads were on their best behavior – even Zayn and Niall had put away their distracting smirks and were now attempting to get to know Harry better. The introduction went smoothly, possibly because Harry had already met two of them.

The only thing that was distracting Louis was Liam, simply because Louis still wasn’t sure whether Liam would see right through him if he started acting affectionate towards Harry.

If anyone knew how Louis behaved when he was madly in love with someone, it was Liam.

The first time Louis fell in love for real was during the X Factor. The boyfriends had come and gone and he always thought that the attraction he felt towards them was love which was also why he thought love was terribly overrated. People everywhere would always say that they had never felt anything like it and truth be told, even winning over Stan in a game on PlayStation felt better than that.

That was why he didn’t realize it. He had befriended a three year older crew member called Mark, and before Louis knew it, Mark was everything that was on his mind. But he didn’t realize that what he felt whenever Mark was around was actually love until Liam asked him if there was something between them

Oh yes, Liam Payne could read him like an open book and that was going to be the biggest distraction for him during dinner. He had to convince both Harry and Liam that he was indeed in love.

“I can’t believe you ordered pizza,” Liam commented as Louis handed out the boxes.

“Better pizza than food poisoning,” Niall replied, earning a few chuckles around the table. Louis shot him a glare.

“That was _one_ time.”

When a wide smile appeared on Harry’s face, Louis pointed to him and strictly told him ‘don’t ask’, resulting in laughter from his three friends.

 

As the evening flew by, Louis found it easier and easier to relax around Harry. Liam was obviously buying it which was great because now he didn’t have to watch his every step, touch and word. In fact, Liam was more than buying it. It seemed that he had a lot in common with Harry and Louis could sense a potential friendship between them. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that, though.

Louis was in the kitchen when Liam brought it up. He froze, suddenly completely unable to finish his task of putting crisps into a bowl.

“I’ve gotta say, when I first saw the headlines, I didn’t believe it at all.”

Fuck, Louis thought. He wanted to hastily walk back into the living room and tell Liam to shut his mouth but that would be too suspicious and he couldn’t do that. He’d just have to count on Zayn or Niall to change the subject.

“Really?” he heard Harry ask.

“Yeah. I thought Sugarscape had gone mad. I thought Louis had gone mad. From the way he used to talk about you, I definitely didn’t expect it.”

Shut up, shut up, shut up. This was bad. Why hadn’t Zayn or Niall changed the subject or interrupted him yet?

Louis leaned against the counter, trying to find a way to play this off as a joke and coming up with none. How could he explain to his boyfriend that he used to pick out every little flaw and criticize him with it?

“The way he used to talk about me?” Harry sounded confused.

“You know, whenever –“

“Shut up, Liam, you’re exaggerating. Don’t listen to him, Harry.” 

Louis sighed in relief when Zayn finally cut Liam off. Too late, of course, but at least he hadn’t gotten around to telling Harry about all the things he said about him.

The only thing left to do was to hope that Harry would forget it before the night was over.

*

“That went well,” Louis said as he stripped off before climbing under the covers on his bed, “they seemed to like you a lot.”

“It did. Liam’s a lot different than I imagined,” Harry commented, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it into his bag. 

Recently Harry had stayed over more often than not. Louis didn’t mind; having another person in his bed, regardless of who it was, was always better than sleeping alone.

“What you do mean?”

Harry shrugged and unzipped his trousers.

“I had him pictured as… well… Daddy Direction. That’s what you used to call him, right? I thought he was all innocent, responsible and stuff.”

Louis couldn’t help but laugh. Liam – innocent?

“What else was I supposed to think? I’d never met the guy,” he continued and got under the covers as well.

“I know, Harry. You know how it is; there’s gotta be a type for everyone. Liam just happened to be the responsible and sensible one. But to be fair, he _is_ the most responsible of the four of us,” Louis explained as he pulled Harry closer.

“And you’re the funny one, right?” Louis nodded and smiled, reaching out to run his fingertips over Harry’s pale torso.

“Zayn got the mysterious one. I don’t know what they were thinking when they decided to create that image for him. Zayn’s about as mysterious as a doorknob. Niall… He was supposed to be the shy and insecure one but… well, you’ve met him,” he chuckled.

Harry didn’t respond but simply smiled and then looked down, and for a moment, Louis thought Harry wanted to fool around – which of course he wasn’t one to say no to.

“Liam said something earlier…” Harry began and Louis felt himself tense up. Damn.

“Liam says a lot of dumb shit,” Louis said quickly.

“He thought you had gone mad when he first heard you’d called Sugarscape. Because of the way you used to talk about me.”

It was a question and Harry wanted Louis to explain.

“Alright,” Louis sighed.

If he could convince Liam that the only reason why he had badmouthed Harry was because he liked him, then he could convince Harry too. He’d just have to hope that Harry wouldn’t be too hurt to find out that his boyfriend was kind of a douche.

“I’ve said some stuff about you that weren’t very kind. But as I explained to Liam, I was only doing it because I liked you. You know, basic boy-likes-girl behavior. I’m sorry, Harry. I promise you that I meant absolutely none of it,” Louis confessed.

He saw the hurt flicker in Harry’s green eyes for just a second. A second and then it was gone. But it was all Louis needed to know.

Louis knew that Harry was a bit sensitive. When he had watched Harry’s documentary on the TV a year back, Harry showed the world that he actually took hateful comments very personal. He couldn’t blame him since he once had been that way too, though he’d never and was never planning on crying on TV because of it.

Louis supposed Harry had gotten better at handling it as he got more and more famous. Ignore the negative and focus on the positive – if you didn’t do that, you didn’t stand a chance.

“What kind of stuff did you say?” Harry asked, surprising Louis a little.

He couldn’t imagine why Harry would want to know. Reading hateful comments about yourself online was one thing, you could block that out and pretend they didn’t exist, but hearing hateful comments from your boyfriend… that had to hurt.

“It’s not important, Harry. Just know that I didn’t mean any of it. Not a single thing,” Louis assured him but Harry still didn’t seem happy.

“It’s easy for you to say that it’s not important when it’s not your boyfriend who apparently used to badmouth you. Just tell me what you said.”

He had to cheer Harry up and make him forget about it, and he knew just how to do it.

“Harry, forget about it. I was stupid, okay? Pathetic, even. Look, I’m crazy about you, Harry,” Louis began, wrapping his arm around Harry and moving even closer to him, their chests almost touching.

“You drive me absolutely mad. So what if I badmouthed you a few times, it’s nothing compared to how many times I’ve talked to the lads about how amazing you are. Because you are, Harry. You’re absolutely incredible. When you’re around, you make my entire day better. When your curls are messed up, all I want to do is to drag you with me into the nearest room and have my wicked way with you to mess them up even more,” Louis said and waited for Harry to reply. When he didn’t say anything, Louis continued:

“You make me a happier person, Harry, and it’s been years since I’ve felt like this.”

It wasn’t the best speech he had ever given but when a smile slowly formed on Harry’s lips, he knew it had worked.

A few kisses followed and Louis ended up on top of Harry. Just as Louis thought he had found the perfect way to end the evening, Harry kissed his way up to his ear and whispered:

“I love you.”


	11. The Guilt

_”I love you.” ___

__If someone had asked Louis what he’d do the first time he kissed Harry or the first time he slept with Harry, he’d have an answer ready. He’d played out the scenarios in his head a thousand times before they even went on their first date._ _

__But not once did he imagine what he’d say or do if Harry said those three words. He didn’t think it’d ever be an issue. They would only be dating for two months, after all._ _

__Moving his head up, he stared down into Harry’s eyes. It was safe to say that Louis had never felt worse._ _

__Here he was – in bed with a bloke who trusted and loved him, who had no idea that this was all just a scam for publicity. This was so inhumane that Louis couldn’t even bring himself to lie and say ‘I love you’ back._ _

__Instead, he smiled weakly and kissed him. What else could he do, honestly? Harry luckily didn’t seem to mind that Louis hadn’t replied._ _

__Later, when Harry was curled up next to him, Louis couldn’t fall asleep because his mind wouldn’t rest. Harry’s declaration of love had been so unexpected and it had opened a gate and now the thoughts didn’t seem to want to stop._ _

__The last month and a half, Louis had been so occupied trying to keep Harry oblivious and in love that he hadn’t even taken the chance to think about the break-up. The Brit Awards were only weeks away and it was hastily coming closer._ _

__He had no idea how he was going to do it. When they started going out, Louis didn’t give two shits about Harry’s feelings. He had thought that he’d be able to go to Harry and say ‘hey, we’re done’. It had been foolish to assume that he wouldn’t get invested in this. It was impossible not to._ _

__He wasn’t in love with Harry, of course not, but that didn’t mean he didn’t worry about Harry’s feelings and how he would react to the break-up._ _

__He quickly decided that he had to find some gentle way to do it. The only problem was that break-ups that leave both parts happy were rare. And this wasn’t one of those rarely cases._ _

__Louis sighed and placed a quick kiss in Harry’s hair. He closed his eyes and began counting sheep. As long as he was counting, he at least weren’t thinking about and dreading the final week of their relationship._ _

__*_ _

__“He loves me.”_ _

__Louis had texted both Zayn and Niall after Harry had left for work; something about vocal recordings. ‘Emergency, meeting at mine asap’, it read. He had exaggerated a bit and made it sound more important than it actually was but it was a Saturday and they had no interviews and they weren’t recording in the studio today, so there was no other way to get the two lads out of bed._ _

__And indeed, they had been there within fifteen minutes._ _

__“He _loves_ me,” Louis repeated, not sure if they’d caught it the first time. Niall was barely awake and Zayn looked unimpressed._ _

__“So?” Zayn asked and Louis almost slapped him._ _

__“He loves me. He doesn’t just like me, he loves me.”_ _

__Niall shrugged, “I could’ve told you that.”_ _

__This is pointless, Louis thought. Zayn and Niall didn’t understand and Louis didn’t know why he expected them to. They weren’t the ones who had spent a month and a half with Harry. They weren’t the ones who dated him, who kissed him, who slept with him. They hadn’t even spoken to him except for the morning after their first time and last night. They wouldn’t understand._ _

__“What does it matter if he loves you? It’s not like you love him,” Zayn asked, arching an eyebrow questioning._ _

__“Because I’ll be breaking up with him in, what, two weeks? It’s not fair to him,” Louis argued, even though the chances of making them understand were quite slim._ _

__“You know what’s not fair? His success. Have you forgotten why you’re doing this, Lou? Have you forgotten that we used to tour the world? That we used to be number one? Have you forgotten how our fans suddenly started worshipping that greasy-haired tosser?” Zayn asked and Louis couldn’t stop himself from shooting back:_ _

__“His hair isn’t greasy. It just looks it but it isn’t.”_ _

__“What? That wasn’t even my point. Point was – you’re doing this for the band, for us, for yourself. Not for him. He doesn’t deserve to be where he is. He’s a talentless little prick who thinks he’s God’s gift to the world.”_ _

__Louis felt more and more irritated for every word Zayn uttered._ _

__“First, he doesn’t think that. And he’s not a prick. I’m completely aware that I’m doing this for the band but that doesn’t mean I have to feel good about it. The only reason why you’re taking this so lightly is because you’re not in my shoes,” Louis replied a bit angrily._ _

__Niall didn’t join their conversation and when Louis turned his head towards him, he found him hunched over the table, fast asleep. Perhaps it had been a little too early for this conversation._ _

__“No, the reason why I’m taking this lightly is because I don’t give a shit about him. You used to feel that way too, remember? What happened, Lou?” Zayn asked and Louis let out a sigh._ _

__“I spent time with him, Zayn. I’ve done nothing but spend time with him the last month and a half,” Louis reasoned._ _

__Zayn didn’t seem particularly satisfied with that answer._ _

__“What, then? You love him?” he asked a bit mockingly._ _

__Louis immediately shook his head, “Of course not. I feel bad for him.”_ _

__“Because you’re going to break up with him? Come on, Lou, break-ups are normal. I’m sure it’s not his first.”_ _

__“Forget it, Zayn, I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Louis finally said and got up, determined for this conversation to stop before he said something stupid, “There’s still egg and bacon left on the pan, help yourself.”_ _

__Maybe Zayn was right. Maybe he was taking this too seriously. Break-ups were normal. He’d broken up with a fair amount of blokes and girls, and he’d been broken up with quite a few times too, mostly after his fame started going down instead of up. He’d experienced a few nasty break-ups but he’d always gotten through them. Harry would be able to get through this too._ _

__Still, he had a nagging feeling in the back of his head that wouldn’t rest. Whether break-ups were normal or not, he’d still have to do this as gently as possible._ _

__“I didn’t mean to attack you like that,” Zayn suddenly said, making Louis snap back to reality, “You’re right, I don’t know what it’s like. I can imagine that it must be difficult going from hating a person to having to pretend to be in love with them. You’re doing a great job, though.”_ _

__Louis smiled weakly and mumbled a short ‘thanks’. Zayn put a hand on his shoulder and grinned._ _

__“You’re still my partner in crime, right?” he asked and Louis laughed. God, that joke was old._ _

__“I always will be.”_ _

__*_ _

__The following week was one of the busiest One Direction had had in a year. The band had photo shoots, interviews and vocal recordings in the studio. Their album was slowly coming together, a release date had been set and a tour was being planned._ _

__Both Harry and Louis were very occupied that week and had only managed to squeeze two dates in, one on Wednesday night and one on Friday afternoon._ _

__During their date Wednesday night, Harry took Louis out to an expensive restaurant where they were photographed during practically their entire meal. Louis expressed that he wanted to arrive at the Brits with Harry who said that no, they couldn’t do that because Louis had to think about the band and it’d be weird if they didn’t arrive together. They met halfway and agreed that Harry was coming with them._ _

__On their date Friday afternoon, they went shopping and then for late lunch. Louis was trying on a jumper when Harry surprised both himself and Louis by joining him in the dressing room. Louis barely got to react before Harry was kissing him. This is a bad idea, Louis thought as Harry dropped to his knees and sucked him off right there._ _

__He should probably have stopped it, been the responsible and adult one. While Louis was quite known for hooking up with girls various places, only some of them true, Harry was the innocent and squeaky clean one. He couldn’t behave like that. In private, yes, in public, God no._ _

__Louis didn’t stop it, though, because what bloke in his right mind would ever say no to a blowjob?_ _

__“We’ll take this,” Louis told the cashier afterwards and handed over the jumper. She knew, Louis could tell, and so did the majority of the customers in the store._ _

__Therefore it was no surprise to him when his and Harry’s escapade was on the front page of the Sun the next day._ _

__Ann, the band’s publicist, hadn’t been happy about it but had only given Louis a small lecture. Harry told him via text that he’d gotten a proper slap on the wrist for the stunt he’d pulled. It wasn’t the sort of thing they wanted Harry doing. He might be appealing to a slightly older audience right now but that didn’t mean that he could go and act like he did. The vast majority of his fans were still girls under the age of twenty._ _

___And they apparently don’t like the thought of me sucking cock_ , Harry’s text had read and Louis laughed to himself. Way to be blunt._ _

__*_ _

__“I spoke with the big guys and our table will be next to Harry’s next week. You don’t have to run as far to congratulate him when he wins,” Liam informed Louis with a smile at lunch._ _

__“How do you know he’ll win? He’s up against Adele. Powerful woman,” Niall pointed out._ _

__“He’ll win,” Louis said confidently, “you know he’ll win. His fans are about ten times more dedicated than ours and even we won back then.”_ _

__Niall shrugged, “I’m just saying, there’s a chance…”_ _

__“There’s no chance. He’ll win,” Louis cut off, causing Liam to laugh._ _

__“Don’t mess with his boyfriend, Nialler,” he said. Zayn and Niall shared a glance and smirked._ _

__“Wouldn’t dream of it.”_ _

__Louis zoned out as they carried on talking about various things; suits, arrivals, etc._ _

__Harry had picked just around the worst time to come out with a boyfriend. He was sure that Harry’s team had informed him of that too. The voting was open and Louis really hoped that their relationship wouldn’t affect the voters._ _

__It would be Harry’s first Brit award. Louis still remembered how much he and the lads had been looking forward to it. Especially Liam, who hadn’t been talking about anything else. ‘Do you think we stand a chance, Lou?’ had been a question he’d asked a lot._ _

__They were all excited and nervous. On one hand, they were absolutely sure they were going to win but on the other hand – what if they didn’t? They couldn’t get arrogant and assume they’d win because there was a chance that someone else beat them to it._ _

__That was why they’d spent a lot of time and money promoting their nomination. Three promo videos, lots and lots of tweets – and back then, Louis was ready to get on his knees on live television and beg for the people of the United Kingdom to vote for them._ _

__And in the end, it had paid off. The moment their name was read out, Louis had never felt happier. It was definitely one of the highlights in their career. That and performing in a sold out Madison Square Garden._ _

__Louis really missed performing in sold-out venues. Their last tour had been almost a year ago and it had been a flop. Sure, they’d been able to gather two to four thousand per concert but it was not nearly the same amount of people that had attended their concerts on their last tour._ _

__They weren’t ungrateful. Alright, maybe a bit. But they’d been so popular. And then suddenly they weren’t. Any unknown or unsigned band in England would give their right arm to be where they were. It wasn’t enough. When you’ve first had a taste of fame, you couldn’t just sit back and watch it be taken away from you. You couldn’t._ _

__Harry was living their dream and therefore Louis knew how much being nominated for a Brit award meant to him. And Louis’d be right next to him to share his happiness when the presenter read out ‘Harry Styles – Could It Be Forever’ Tuesday night._ _

__If Louis played his cards right, Harry and him might become one of the highlights of the evening._ _

__*_ _

__The weekend before the Brits arrived faster than Louis could count to ten. He hadn’t seen Harry many times that week, just one time on Tuesday where they went out for dinner and then back to Louis’ place for a night of passionate shagging._ _

__Right before falling asleep, Harry had said it again. _I love you_ , he’d mumbled. He was already half asleep and Louis wasn’t sure he’d even noticed that he said it._ _

__And Louis hadn’t responded this time either. He had promptly closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep until he could hear how Harry’s breath changed and became heavy, knowing for sure that he was asleep._ _

__Why did Harry keep telling him that? Why? It bothered Louis a lot. Just when he’d blocked out Harry saying it the first time, he went and said it again. It wasn’t fair._ _

__Friday night was dinner at Liam’s. Zayn was out with a couple of mates getting pissed and he wouldn’t be home until late. Knowing Zayn, he’d probably call Liam up around two am asking for a ride back. Some things never changed. Louis didn’t really know where Niall was but then again, he wasn’t his nanny, he didn’t have to keep track of him all the time._ _

__“You think he’ll win?” Liam asked as he dug into the lasagna he’d made._ _

__“I’m positive he will,” Louis replied._ _

__“I think so too. It’s a good song.”_ _

__Louis smiled slightly and stuffed his mouth with food to keep from saying ‘the song’s shit’. While Harry had turned out to be a sort of alright person – when he wasn’t declaring his love for Louis, that was – it didn’t change the fact that Louis strongly disliked Harry’s music._ _

__It wasn’t very different from One Direction’s music, though, but it was still shit._ _

__During one of their many conversations via text, Harry had told Louis that bubblegum pop music wasn’t really the kind of music he wanted to make. Louis understood – pop wasn’t really the kind of music he wanted to make either._ _

__Before Louis had auditioned for the X Factor, he’d seen himself making rock. The only problem was that his voice didn’t suit that genre._ _

__“How’s it going with you two, by the way?” Liam asked and added: “I know it’s only been a month but you seem pretty serious.”_ _

__“Yeah, it’s pretty serious. He loves me,” Louis let slip._ _

__“He does?” Liam didn’t seem surprised at all. Nor had Zayn and Niall. Was Harry really that obvious?_ _

__“Yeah. Told me a week ago.”_ _

__Liam clearly sensed that Louis wasn’t too happy about that, he didn’t manage to hide it very well. Louis had gone from feeling guilty to feeling angry. Angry with himself for getting into this mess, angry with Harry for saying those three words, angry with Niall for coming up with the plan, angry with Zayn… just because._ _

__Although he felt angry with both himself and Harry - and everyone involved, really - he knew that the anger was just masking his guilt. He hated knowing that within a week Harry would be heartbroken and it would all be his fault._ _

__The fact that Harry kept saying ‘I love you’ had only made it worse._ _

__“I take it you’re not too happy about that?” Liam asked, clearly not understanding._ _

__“It’s just that… It’s complicated, Liam.”_ _

__“Having someone tell you they love you is always a good thing, even if you don’t love them back,” Liam stated and Louis laughed weakly._ _

__Not in my case it’s not, he thought._ _

__“I’m sure Harry isn’t expecting you to say it back right now,” he assured him and Louis just nodded, not wanting to get into explaining that Harry’s expectations weren’t even the problem here._ _

__“I know,” he mumbled._ _

__“Actually, there’s something I’ve got to ask you. Danielle wanted to hear if you and Harry were up for a double date sometime? Perhaps around Friday next week, if Harry can find a hole in his schedule,” Liam asked._ _

__“Sure. I’ll ask him,” Louis replied._ _

__He didn’t have the heart to deny the invitation, even though he knew that the double date would never take place._ _

__His and Harry’s relationship would be over and done by then._ _


	12. The Brit Awards

_I’ll be there in five, love you x ___

__“He’ll be here in five minutes,” Louis informed the lads as they were all trying to get comfortable in their new suits._ _

__Up until two months ago, there hadn’t been a very big chance of them attending this year’s Brit Awards. Their album and tour had flopped. They weren’t performing. They weren’t presenting. They weren’t nominated._ _

__Louis was sure that Harry had been the sole reason for their invitation. It was good publicity, right? The LGBT poster boy and his boyfriend plus band._ _

__“Do you think people will notice if I get rid of this thing after we’ve passed the red carpet?” Niall asked, struggling with his bow tie. Louis shook his head._ _

__“Nah. The cameras won’t even be on us. You’re safe,” he said as he texted Harry back, purposely ignoring Harry’s ‘love you’._ _

__Louis felt like Harry was trying to guilt him into saying it back because Harry kept reminding him. It was irritating but after the tenth time, Louis decided that Liam was right; having someone tell you they love you is always good, even if they don’t know your hidden agenda. He might as well enjoy the affection while it lasted._ _

__“Piece of shit,” Niall muttered to himself - or rather - to his tie. Louis smiled in amusement before helping his band mate out of his misery._ _

__

__True to his words, Harry was outside their building five minutes later. Louis was the first one to go downstairs since all three friends discovered that they still had some last-minute things to do. Harry was leaning against the limousine, a burnt out cigarette balanced between his fingers._ _

__“Didn’t know you smoked,” Louis commented after kissing his boyfriend, tasting the nicotine on his lips._ _

__“I don’t, normally. You would’ve noticed. I’m just nervous and I needed to calm myself down,” he replied, letting the remaining parts of the cigarette dump down on the ground._ _

__“Why’d you be nervous?”_ _

__“Because this is a big deal for me. I want to win so much and I’m scared that I won’t. I’m up against Adele –“_ _

__“Harry, you’ll win,” Louis cut him off._ _

__“See, that’s what everyone keeps telling me. My mum, my friends, my fans, everyone. Don’t tell me I’m going to win if you’re not a hundred percent sure. I feel like I’ve been getting my hopes up so high since the nominations came out and no one has sat me down and explained that I’m up against so many powerful and talented singers. That I have plenty of competition for the award. Everyone has been busy telling me that they’re sure I’ll win and I feel it’s rubbed off on me. It wasn’t until this morning that I realized with everything that has been going on lately in the tabloids, it’s bound to affect the result, right? So please, don’t tell me that I’m going to win when you don’t have a clue,” Harry barked, fishing his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket to light a new one._ _

__Louis kept his mouth shut for a few seconds. He hadn’t expected Harry to snap at him like that but he didn’t really mind. Harry was clearly nervous that he’d been too arrogant about winning and now it was Louis’ job as devoted boyfriend to make him feel better – to play the part for a little while longer._ _

__“Listen, Harry,” Louis began and positioned himself in front of Harry looking him in the eyes, “you have no reason to worry. I’m not saying this because you’re my boyfriend and I hate to see you this frustrated and nervous, I’m saying it because it’s true.”_ _

__Harry just shrugged, not really believing it, so Louis continued:_ _

__“The tabloids have been kind to you – more kind than they’ve been to me for a long time. Coming out of the closet when you’re as big as you are was going to have some negative consequences but it seems to me like your publicists have done a great job focusing on the positive. In fact, I have only seen a few people talking badly about it.”_ _

__“Your fans are still dedicated, Harry. They love you even if you’re with me. They won’t let you down. I promise,” Louis said convincingly and it seemed like Harry’s nerves were calmed a bit._ _

__There was not a shred of doubt in Louis’ mind that Harry would win. Even if the other artists and bands in Harry’s category had better songs; they absolutely didn’t have the Harry’s fan base. Hell, Louis was pretty sure that Harry had won everything he’d been nominated for since he came out with his CD a year and a few months ago._ _

__Harry would win. He was sure of it._ _

__“I don’t know Louis…”_ _

__“And when you win, I’ll be right there next to you to say ‘I told you so’. I mean it. You’ll be fine. Come here.”_ _

__And with that, he took a hold of Harry’s blazer with both hands, pulling him down for a slow kiss._ _

__Of course, Louis had noticed the effect he held over Harry. He had discovered it early on. Every touch, every kiss seemed to set Harry on fire and frankly, knowing that Harry wanted him that much made him strangely happy. No one had reacted to him that way for quite a few years. It was nice knowing that he had such a big effect on someone that he could kiss them and his lips pressed against theirs, his hands buried in their hair would be the only thing they cared about._ _

__It was nice, Louis thought, even though it would probably have felt better if their relationship was real._ _

__“So, eh, do you want us to take a taxi so you can have the limousine to yourselves or what?”_ _

__Louis pulled back from the kiss and turned his head to see all three of his band mates standing a few feet away from them. Cracking a cheeky smile, he let go of Harry’s blazer._ _

__“Shut up and just get in the car,” he said as he turned his head back towards Harry, raising an eyebrow questioning, “you alright?”_ _

__“Yeah, I’m great. Thanks,” he said lowly and smiled gratefully back at him._ _

__“Good,” Louis replied and adjusted Harry’s bowtie quickly before getting into the limousine, feeling genuinely pleased with himself._ _

__*_ _

__The red carpet was a nightmare in a dream. It was stressful – everyone was yelling their names, wanting a few pictures, and asking them questions. They loved every second of it._ _

__Most interviewers wanted to talk about Harry’s chances of winning for Best British Single and a few even had the nerve to bring up the fact that his coming out had collided with the release of the nominations and that the timing wasn’t the best. Louis had wanted to punch them all but had to settle for to squeezing Harry’s hand to let him know that it’d be alright._ _

__He didn’t want Harry to feel like his coming out was a bad thing because it wasn’t. Sure, he might have picked a better time to do it than a few months before the Brit Awards but there was no changing that now. He couldn’t crawl back into the closet even if he wanted to. Besides, it made Harry happy to be able to be who he was without constantly having to think of keeping up a straight appearance._ _

__“What does it matter if he’s gay, straight or bisexual? His voice is still the same. He’s still the same person. It shouldn’t change anything,” Louis had said defensively when one interviewer had been particularly rude._ _

__“I know but the fans-“_ _

__“- still love him and are happy that he’s happy.” Louis finished for her, resulting in Liam elbowing him in the side to make him leave the poor rookie alone so she could do her job and finish her flop of an interview._ _

__“You don’t have to stick up for me, you know,” Harry had told Louis afterwards._ _

__“I know but she was being rude. I know it’s all about the sales for your management but that doesn’t mean that they can turn you into their own personal robot. You should be allowed to have a life and be who you want to be,” Louis replied, holding Harry’s hand tightly, “and just because the bosses are scared that your sexuality is going to affect sales, doesn’t mean you have to put up with people like her. You’re a person, Harry, and that comes first, no matter what anyone says.”_ _

__Louis didn’t know why he was saying that. He should feel bad, and he’d probably feel bad in a bit, but the interviewer had angered him and the fact that Harry had been nice to her even though she was a pushy cow had irritated him. She blatantly told him that his relationship would be a problem for a lot of fans and that they probably needed more than just his music to stick around. Harry just stood there and had barely even defended himself._ _

__“You don’t have to stick up for me… but I appreciate that you did,” Harry said and smiled._ _

__“Good. Now, let’s get this thing over with so you can win that Brit and show them all that you’re still the best,” Louis replied with an encouraging smile and let go of Harry’s hand to wrap his arm around his waist._ _

__

__Just like Liam had said, One Direction’s table was right next to Harry and his team’s. The show had begun and when Niall took off his tie ten minutes in, Louis decided that he’d spent enough time by his own table and moved to sit by Harry._ _

__“Oh, we’re not interesting enough?” Zayn asked as he got up and Louis was confused until he saw the cheeky grin on his face._ _

__“Afraid not,” he replied as he sat down next to Harry, directing his next question to him, “did I mention that you look incredible handsome tonight?”_ _

__“No, I think you left that out,” Harry said in an amused tone._ _

__“You should consider wearing this every day. You should probably get it cleaned every once in a while, though,” he suggested, making Harry laugh._ _

__“Nah, my trousers are too tight. They’d rip. I’m even afraid they’ll rip if I have to go up those stairs.”_ _

__Louis glanced down at Harry’s trousers to see that they indeed were incredibly tight. How had he even managed to squeeze himself into those? Louis had no idea. But then again, he had no idea how Zayn had managed to get into his suit either because all it’d take was one wrong movement and that seams would pop._ _

__“Don’t be nervous. Everything will be fine. They won’t rip. Even if they do, which they won’t, I’ll be right there with my jacket to protect your virtue,” Louis assured him with a grin, stroking his thigh._ _

__“You’re amazing, you know that?” Harry asked in a slightly lower voice to make sure that only Louis heard what he was saying._ _

__“So I’ve been told,” Louis replied in the same tone of voice._ _

__“Really, Louis. You’re incredible. I’m so happy you’re here. It means a lot to me.” Harry sounded very serious and Louis wasn’t sure that he liked where this was going._ _

__“Sticking up for me to that interviewer made me realize just how happy I am that you’re mine. This probably isn’t the time for a conversation like this,” Harry said with a shrug, “but I just wanted you to know that the things you say and do, well, I really appreciate them.”_ _

__Louis smiled and opened his mouth to reply but didn’t get to say anything other than ‘Harry’ before Harry cut him off._ _

__“You don’t have to say anything. And while I’m at it… I know it makes you uncomfortable when I say I love you,” Harry began and Louis couldn’t help but bite his lip. Yeah, he definitely didn’t like where this was going. He could ignore Harry’s words when they were in bed or via text but he couldn’t just brush them off when they were sitting like this._ _

__“Exactly,” Harry said smiling. “Please just know that I don’t want you to feel pressured to say it back. It’s fine. We’ve got loads of time, right?”_ _

__Louis just nodded, even though he knew that they hadn’t._ _

__“You don’t have to say it back just because I’m saying it. I love you and I want you to know that. I love you so much, Louis, and I think I did from the second I heard your voice through the phone the first time you called me.”_ _

__Louis’ cheeks heated up and he more than anything wanted Harry to just stop talking._ _

__It wasn’t so much that he felt bad, in fact that was only a small percentage of what he was feeling right now, it was more that what Harry was saying made him feel special and good and loved._ _

__And none of it was real._ _

__Harry loved the Louis he thought he knew. He didn’t love _Louis_. He was in love with an illusion. And no matter how nice Harry’s words were, Louis couldn’t let it get to him._ _

__“Just take your time. Don’t feel pressured,” Harry said lowly with a happy smile on his lips, a spark in his eyes._ _

__Louis moved in to kiss him. It was all he could do, really. He couldn’t tell Harry he loved him when he didn’t and simply just saying ‘thanks for understanding’ seemed a bit lame. A slow, intense kiss would have to do for now._ _

__They were in public therefore Louis decided that the kiss couldn’t be long. They were possibly being filmed every second and both Louis and Harry knew that although they were both out and proud, snogging in front of the entire country and probably also a few thousand livestreams online in other countries wasn’t the best thing they could do. Homosexuality – or bisexuality in their case – still wasn’t widely accepted._ _

__Louis recalled how people had freaked out when the American Idol singer, Adam Lambert, snogged his keyboard player on stage. If he and Harry had been girls, they might be able to pull it off – like Britney Spears and Madonna._ _

__Someone at the table cleared their throat and Harry pulled back, leaving Louis wanting more. If it hadn’t been because Harry’s category was coming up soon, they would’ve probably been on their way to the toilets right now._ _

__

__Louis hadn’t been paying attention for a while when Harry suddenly squeezed his hand. Making a face from the sudden pain that didn’t seem to stop because Harry’s strong hold didn’t falter; he focused on what was happening on stage._ _

__The presenter, James Corden, had just introduced Tinie Tempah and the words ‘British Single’ had appeared on the screen._ _

__Oh God, Louis thought and noticed that they were in fact being filmed, this is it._ _

__As Tinie Tempah did his talking, Louis moved in to talk to Harry who looked incredibly nervous. He was still squeezing Louis’ hand tightly but it didn’t really hurt anymore - Louis assumed his fingers had probably gone numb – and he could practically hear Harry’s fast beating heart._ _

__And Louis felt just as nervous. His heart was pounding all the way up to his ears and his throat felt dry. Looking at Harry certainly didn’t calm his nerves._ _

__What if Harry didn’t win? What if?_ _

__He hadn’t allowed himself to ask that, not since he delivered his ‘don’t worry, you’ll win’ speech before they got into the limousine._ _

__“I’m right here, okay? It’s okay to be nervous, I know how much you want this,” he told Harry and wasn’t sure he did a good job keeping the nervousness out of his voice._ _

__“I know,” Harry whispered back, “thank you.”_ _

__After what felt like forever, Tinie finally said the words that he knew that Harry was both dreading and looking forward to._ _

__“And the winner is…”_ _

__Open the damn envelope, Louis cursed in his mind when Tinie seemed to have a bit of trouble getting it open; it’s not that hard._ _

__One Direction had won quite a few awards: Two VMA awards, two EMAs, one Brit Award and countless small awards from different countries. But none had been as important as the Brit – the first award they’d ever won._ _

__Louis still remembered the moments before their name was read out. It was like torture. Seconds felt like hours and Louis had at the time felt like he was going to have a heart attack._ _

__And now Harry was in the exact same position. Louis felt as nervous as he did back then and it wasn’t even his award._ _

__“Harry Styles with Could It Be Forever!” Tinie practically shouted into the microphone and it took a second for the words to reach their heads._ _

__The fans were the first ones who reacted by screaming like they’d never screamed before. Everyone at the table got to their feet and they all wanted to congratulate Harry immediately but thanks to Louis, they didn’t get to._ _

__“You won, Harry!” he managed to get out as he took a hold of Harry’s shoulders, “I told you you would!”_ _

__Harry’s smile was impossibly wide and he looked happier than Louis had ever seen him._ _

__“I can’t beli–“ Harry’s attempt to reply was cut short when Louis practically threw himself at him, connecting their lips in a messy kiss._ _

__See, Louis had already planned to kiss Harry when he won. Everyone knew that. Zayn, Niall and even Liam. Harry probably did as well and he had decided on a short kiss for the cameras._ _

__But this wasn’t a short kiss for the cameras. This was messy and eager and not for the cameras at all. Harry had looked so happy – his eyes filled with happiness, a smile that practically reached his ears and Louis just couldn’t help himself._ _

__They were snogging on live television and he didn’t really care._ _

__The kiss in itself didn’t really last long but Louis knew that it had been way too graphic and that both of them would probably hear for it later on._ _

__“Louis, mate, he needs to go on stage.”_ _

__Niall’s voice was what made him react. He broke the kiss and let go of Harry at the same time. He barely got to look at Harry before he was rushed off towards stage._ _

__“Right,” Louis mumbled, not quite being able to remove the smile from his face – _Harry had won.__ _

__He sat back down along with the rest of the people by the table and turned to watch his boyfriend get on stage. Just like Louis had told him, nothing bad happened – his trousers didn’t rip, he didn’t fall and make a fool of himself, he didn’t accidentally drop the award._ _

__“So… thank you for that, Lou,” Harry chuckled while looking down at his award and Louis was sure that there was a slight pink blush on his cheeks._ _

__Louis laughed lightly and winked, even though Harry couldn’t see it, just in case there was a camera on him._ _

__“This is absolutely incredible,” Harry began, talking so low at first that it was like he couldn’t quite believe he had actually just won. “First of all, I want to say a massive thanks to the fans. You guys are incredible, I would be nowhere without you. And obviously, I’d be nowhere without my team either, so also a massive thank you to Simon, everybody at Syco and everybody at Modest. Thank you so much.”_ _

__Louis knew that Harry had had another speech prepared. One that was a bit more structured that also contained a few more names – Louis had heard some of it over the phone a few nights ago. But it seemed that Harry had forgotten everything he was going to say. It was probably Louis’ fault, though._ _

__“It was a nice speech,” Louis commented when Harry got back to the table, the award still in his hand. It probably wouldn’t leave his hand for the rest of the night._ _

__“Wasn’t as nice as the one I’d prepared. You made me fuck it up,” Harry replied, making Louis’ cheeks heat up._ _

__“It’s okay, though. It’s better when it’s not rehearsed, right?” Harry added shortly after to make sure Louis didn’t think he was angry._ _

__“Yeah, definitely. Congratulations, by the way. I don’t think I got to say that.”_ _

__Harry laughed and shook his head._ _

__“No, you were too busy snogging me senseless. I blame you if I looked like an idiot up there,” he said and Louis smirked._ _

__“I just can’t keep away from you.”_ _

__“It’s okay because I don’t want you to,” Harry replied and Louis muttered a short ‘good’ before kissing him again._ _

__After sharing a few short kisses, Zayn’s voice was heard from the other table._ _

__“Someone’s getting laid tonight.”_ _

__Louis flipped him the middle finger before pulling Harry into yet another kiss, not caring about his friends, Harry’s team or any camera that might be lurking around._ _

__Zayn was right, though. He’d definitely be getting laid tonight._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's interested, the song Harry won with is a David Cassidy song, and yeah, it's pretty good, if you're into that sort of cheesy stuff :)
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lwLbx1_ZmA


	13. The Mistake

”I look like an idiot.”

Harry was sitting on Louis’ couch watching his acceptance speech over and over again while Louis mindlessly flicked through the channels, trying to find something even remotely interesting to watch. He simply refused to watch the Teen Mom marathon that MTV was currently showing.

It had been less than a day since the award show, and Louis had decided that he’d wait a few days before breaking up with him. Dumping Harry right after the stunt he’d pulled when he’d won would seem too suspicious. Doing that would probably have the fangirls go mad trying to figure out what exactly happened and if one of the boys’ managements had anything to do with it.

Needless to say, there had been a few complaints about the kiss. Ann hadn’t contacted him but he assumed he’d get a call sometime during the day.

“I look all flushed. It’s your fault,” Harry commented while watching the first part of his speech.

“Didn’t hear you complaining.”

“Guess not,” Harry mumbled in return before clicking away from his speech on YouTube.

*

When Friday came around, they were still together but Louis had a perfectly good reason for that. Danielle cornered him after dinner at Liam’s Thursday night and reminded him of his promise of a double date.

So there they were.

Louis wanted to go to a small and quiet place but after explaining to Zayn why he still hadn’t broken up with Harry, he found himself with his phone in one hand and number of one of the most high-profile restaurants in London in the other.

“Might as well milk it for all it’s got,” Zayn explained and left Louis to call for reservations.

Liam hadn’t questioned it when Louis pulled up next to the restaurant; he had merely smiled and mumbled “you certainly went all out.”

Louis shrugged and with a smile he grabbed Harry’s hand, walking toward the entrance. Photographers snapped and chattered away at them. While Liam didn’t seem to have anything against slowing down to answer a few of the totally irrelevant questions and take a few pictures, Louis did. He tugged Harry closer and sped up, just wanting to get past them as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, as sweet as Liam and Danielle were, Harry and Louis were the ones the photographers were most interested in.

When one of the men almost hit Harry with his camera, Louis stopped. Sure, it was an accident but one that could’ve been prevented if he had just known the term ‘personal space’.

“You just hit him in the head with your camera,” Louis stated.

“He didn’t hit me in the –“ Harry tried to explain but Louis wouldn’t have it.

“Your hair’s a part of your head, Harry. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel it,” Louis said before turning back to the man, “I wasn’t aware that close-ups of Harry’s hair sold nowadays. Look, we’re just trying to have dinner, so please, back off.”

Determined not to make any bad press now that they only have a few days left together, Louis shut his mouth and dragged Harry with him the rest of the way. Once they were in, Louis sent Liam a ‘hurry the hell up, mate’ glance and the other couple joined them shortly after.

The dinner in itself was lovely, and surprisingly, Louis had a lot of fun. Danielle and Harry really hit it off and talked like old friends.

“You really are a cute couple, you know,” she observed and Harry couldn’t seem to hide his smile at the comment.

“I like to think so,” he replied.

Louis knew deep down that this double date thing was a bad idea. Getting Liam involved in this was bad enough, getting Danielle involved only made it worse. If Louis had his pick, none of them would’ve spent time with and gotten to know Harry. It was easier to end it that way. A clean break.

Even with that in mind, he put his arm around Harry’s shoulders and placed a kiss on top of his head.

“Of course we are,” he said with a grin and squeezed Harry’s shoulder before going back to eating his meal.

Afterwards, Danielle and Harry exchanged numbers with the promise of doing something together soon. If this was real, Louis wouldn’t have minded. He’d probably have been ecstatic about his boyfriend befriending his band mates’ girlfriend. That would make a lot of things easier. But it wasn’t real, Louis reminded himself, and a friendship between Danielle and Harry probably wasn’t the best idea.

*

A week passed and nothing happened. Louis had had the chance to break it off with him many times, came close, but didn’t pull the trigger.

When Niall asked him why he hadn’t done it yet during early vocal recordings for the almost finished album, Louis simply shrugged.

“Our album is coming out soon, we need all the publicity we can get,” he said. “I’ll do it soon, though.”

Niall arched an eyebrow and shook his head, “guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am. I know what I’m doing,” Louis said, though he wasn’t so sure he was being truthful.

Later that same night, he was lying in bed. The television was running in the background; some soap opera that he had stopped following after the narrator and her boyfriend had broken up and gotten back together twice in the same episode. He was browsing through different websites to see which headlines he’d made this week while simultaneously texting Harry.

After letting Harry persuade him into going out for late lunch the next day, he got a text from Zayn.

_Niall said you’re not planning on getting rid of him before the album is out?_

Damn you, Niall, Louis thought as he typed out his reply.

‘I never said that. Trust Nialler to twist my words,’ he wrote.

_What did you say then?_

Louis barely got to answer Harry’s next text before Zayn had sent another one.

‘I said we need all the publicity we can get.’

_What’s going on? I don’t understand what you’re doing. We agreed that you’d do it after the Brits. You can’t just string him along like that, it’s cruel._

Louis couldn’t hold back a snort and shook his head. Zayn was impossible.

‘That’s what’s cruel? Look, I’ll break up with him soon. I promise.’

Instead of waiting for Zayn’s reply he put his phone down and closed his laptop. No more guilt for tonight.

Zayn had been up his business a bit too much lately and it was starting to bother him. He knew that Zayn was just being protective – the longer they kept this going, the worse the break-up would be – and that he just wanted it to be over and done so they didn’t have to worry about it anymore.

Even if both Zayn and Niall thought they’d gained enough publicity, Louis didn’t think it was quite enough yet.

*

“Will you just leave it already? I already said I’ll do it tonight,” Louis snapped.

A month had gone by since he first promised Zayn that he’d break up with Harry soon. His promises grew and grew but remained empty. Zayn put up with it for a while, though, which was more than Louis probably would have.

The only good thing about prolonging the relationship was that Harry spontaneously invited him to join his photo shoot with the Attitude magazine. That led to Louis joining the interview as well. The next issue of Attitude would be very focused on the wonder boy and his boyfriend and that definitely wasn’t bad publicity.

“That’s what you said last time, Louis. You need to do it. The longer you’re together, the worse it will be for him, ergo, the worse it will be for you when word gets out you broke his heart. You don’t know what kind of person he is when he’s sad. What if he acts out of anger and goes to the –“

“ _I said_ just leave it already.”

Zayn crossed his arms and shot Louis a displeased look.

“I said I’ll do it tonight and I will,” Louis confirmed and turned away from him.

“Fine. Do it quick. I’ll be here in an hour.”

A few moments later, the front door opened and closed, leaving Louis alone in the flat to get ready.

He still hadn’t figured out how let him down gently which was probably partly why he hadn’t broken it off yet. The break-up would have to be calm, not just to spare Harry’s feelings but also because a nasty one break-up wouldn’t look good in the eyes of the media.

He didn’t have a lot of time to think about it, he realized when the doorbell rang a good twenty minutes later. Zayn would be back within an hour and then it would all be over.

“I’ve had the worst day,” was the first thing Harry said, and Louis’ first instinct was to post-pone the break up once more. But no, he couldn’t do that.

“I was seconds away from ripping John-, my publicist’s head off. Seeing you tonight is literally the only reason that kept me going. It’s just been such a bad day.”

Louis swallowed and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.

“I’m sorry.”

Harry shrugged in his embrace, “it doesn’t matter now.”

Knowing that he was going to make Harry’s day a whole lot worse kept his mind busy for the next twenty minutes while Harry raided his freezer for ice cream, headed into the living room and started spilling the details of his day. Louis stopped listening after a few minutes and just let Harry rant, occasionally saying ‘yeah’ or nodding.

Eventually Harry stopped, and just when Louis was about to tell him that they needed to talk, Harry kissed him.

By the time Zayn came back and made his way through the flat in an attempt to find Louis, he was naked on his back on the sofa with Harry on top of him riding him with everything he had.

“Shit,” Zayn cursed loudly the second he saw the two of them on the sofa, instantly backing out into the kitchen.

Surprised gasps escaped both boys and they immediately pulled apart, searching for their clothes.

“Zayn,” Louis hissed when he walked into the kitchen, leaving his boyfriend behind, “don’t you _knock_?”

“I didn’t think it was necessary because you were supposed to _break up_ with him, not shag him!” Zayn whispered back.

“Shh!” he whispered frantically, “keep your voice down, he’s right in there for God’s sake.”

Zayn shook his head, sighed and turned around, leaving Louis standing in the kitchen with a mild panicking expression on his face.

Louis knew it was getting out of hand – but how was he supposed to end it when Harry threw himself at him like that? He’d have to talk to Zayn later.

Unless Harry was staying over, that was.

*

Harry did stay over, and after he left the following morning, Louis thought it would be best to just get it over with. Locking himself into Zayn’s flat, he found that his band mate was already awake.

“Want a beer?” he offered after Louis had followed him into the kitchen.

“It’s barely noon yet. Water’s fine,” Louis said, letting Zayn fill a glass for him even though he knew very well where everything was, “and since when are you drinking this early?”

“Since yesterday.”

“Yeah, that was… unfortunate. But come on, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” Louis said, trying to reason with him, “I mean, you bring home as many lads as girls. And it’s not the first time you’ve caught me in the act.”

“I know. It’s just him, you know? I’d have preferred not to see him naked bouncing on your dick- don’t give me that look, he was _bouncing_ ,” Zayn replied while opening his beer.

“And you were supposed to break it off with him, do you remember that?” he added, malice and disapproval laced his words. Of course Louis remembered, there wasn’t a moment he could forget.

“Yeah, I remember. I’m sorry. I said I’d do it and I didn’t. I’ll do it tonight, I promise,” Louis promised.

Zayn chuckled and shrugged.

“Stop with the promises, Louis. You’re not going to do it. You’re going to come up with another lame excuse and put it off some more. Jeez, it’s almost like you’re in love with him or something.”

That only made Louis more determined. He needed to end it and he needed to do it now. If Zayn had those thoughts about him, it had definitely gone too far.

“I’m not in love with him,” he said firmly. “When I say I’m going to do it tonight, I _will_ do it tonight. And I mean it this time.”

“I know you’re not,” Zayn sighed. “I’m just tired of having him around. He pisses me off. And the fact that you’ve been dating him for so long pisses me off too because his psycho fans will have your head when you finally get your act together and break up with him.”

Louis sighed deeply and put his glass of water down next to him on the counter.

“Listen,” he began, “I know I’ve been putting it off for quite a while. But I’m doing it tonight. Come by my place around ten and we’ll have a celebration drink.”

Zayn cracked a smile and took a large sip of the can before saying:

“I’m going out with a few friends tonight. I won’t be home until early morning. But if you’re actually serious, I’ll probably see it in the tabloids tomorrow.”

“Oh, believe me, you’ll see it everywhere. I’ll make sure of that,” Louis smirked.

*

As cliché as it sounded, Louis took Harry out to experience London by night. Even though both of the lads had lived there for several years, there was still something romantic and new about going up London Eye with your boyfriend when the sun had set.

Even though they’d been recognized by a fair amount of people, no one bothered them as they flew the eye. They were even sane enough for Harry to trust a young, foreign girl, who was clearly a big fan of him, to take their picture with his iPhone when they reached the top.

“This was a brilliant idea,” Harry mumbled as they were standing next to each other, looking at the city. “I’ve never actually been up here this late. And I’ve only been here twice. More of a tourist thing, I guess.”

“I’ve been here once. When you’re famous you don’t really do this stuff, you know?” Louis asked and looked at him for a moment.

Harry smiled. “Yeah, I know.”

No words were exchanged for a few minutes as the wheel continued to bring them down towards the exit.

“I’m really glad I met you,” Harry said suddenly, still looking out of the window, “I’ve never been this spontaneous and carefree. Well, I was, once. Before the album came out. I guess it’s my own fault. I hadn’t even thought I’d be this big. I mean, I dreamt of it but for it to actually happen? And I didn’t know how many fans I actually had until I got swarmed when I got to Los Angeles. There was police and everything, it was crazy. And it didn’t seem to stop. There were fans everywhere all the time.”

He paused and let out a chuckle, shaking his head.

“I guess I thought that was what celebrity life was like. That I could no longer do all the things I wanted to do without having people stick their noses in it. Stuff like going to the movies, going out clubbing, going out with my friends and family, going _home_. It was a big thing to adjust to. God, I’m making it sound so depressing. Of course it wasn’t depressing. I love my life. I love my fans. I love that I get to do what I love every day. But sometimes I wished I could just do what everyone else did and be anonymous for a few hours.”

“And I guess I shielded myself a bit, made it worse than it was. I don’t know if you remember but I’m pretty sure I told you during one of our first dates that I hadn’t been out like that in nearly a year. Of course I’d been out for dinner and stuff, but usually I stayed away from public places. You changed that. So… yeah, I’m just really glad I got to know you,” he finished and looked a Louis to send him a smile.

Placing his hand on top of Harry’s on the rail, Louis returned the smile.

“You’re welcome.”

He wanted to say something else but couldn’t think of anything. Harry didn’t seem like he minded Louis’ lack of words and just turned back to watch the city as they slowly reached the end of their ride.

Afterwards Louis spontaneously brought him to a small restaurant in the heart of London, ordering fish and chips for them both. He just wanted Harry to feel normal for the night, to feel like he wasn’t a huge popstar with millions of teenage girls lusting after him. He was just Harry tonight. Just Harry.

And it seemed to work. Harry was enjoying himself a lot, Louis could tell. There were a few other people in the restaurant but everyone seemed to be minding their own business. Harry snapped a picture of Louis looking particularly stupid while stuffing his mouth with food and tweeted it before Louis had a chance to stop him and seconds later a food fight had erupted. The waitress didn’t seem pleased.

“You sure you don’t want to come back to my place?” Louis asked as he parked the car in front of Harry’s building.

“I would but I’ve got to get up really early tomorrow. I’ll stay over next time, though,” Harry said with a grin.

They shared a few kisses before Harry finally got out of the car, leaving Louis to his very mixed feelings. Zayn was going to kill him. But he couldn’t do it tonight. Not tonight. But next time. Yes, he’d do it next time, no matter what.

*

It was barely 7 am when Louis woke to his phone buzzing off the nightstand. He decided that whoever was calling him this early was a proper idiot and could wait a few more hours. When the phone rang for the third time, he snapped.

“Listen, I’m trying to sleep, please call back at a decent hour,” he said in a slurred voice and suppressed a yawn.

“Is it true?”

Louis heart stopped. It actually stopped for a few second. Or at least that was what it felt like. He took the phone away from his ear to confirm that it was indeed Harry who was calling him.

Shit.

“Is it true?” Harry repeated, his voice sounding incredibly shaky.

“What are you talking about?” Louis asked, trying his best not to sound as panic-stricken and scared as he felt.

Harry couldn’t possibly be talking about… that, could he? No. There was just no way. Nevertheless, Louis’ heart beat couldn’t seem to slow down as the mere thought of Harry finding out was probably enough to make him pass out from stress.

“Is what The Sun is saying true?” Harry asked again.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Harry,” Louis breathed, probably not sounding very convincing.

He took a deep breath – it probably wasn’t what he thought it was. It wouldn’t be the first time he had panicked because he thought Harry had found out? And just how many times had that actually been the case?

Harry couldn’t have found out. The only people who knew were him, Zayn and Niall, and they wouldn’t tell a soul. It had to be something else.

“Are you only dating me because you need publicity?”

Louis closed his eyes and shook his head slowly.

Shit.

“Of course not!” he denied, his tone of voice being surprisingly convincing. “You actually believe I’d do that? Gee, thanks, Harry.”

He knew saying that wasn’t the best thing to do. Making Harry feel dumb for believing it was a bad, bad thing to do when it was true.

“I didn’t… Not at first,” Harry said and the ache in Louis’ gut only got worse from hearing how broken Harry sounded.

“And why did you change your mind? I can’t believe that you actually believe what _the Sun_ says, Harry. I’d have expected you to be able to tell bullshit from truth. After all, you know how the tabloids get better than anyone I’ve ever dated.”

You’re a fucking terrible human being, Louis told himself but he couldn’t afford to stop lying now. Harry would ruin them.

“Yes, I know how the tabloids get which is why I didn’t believe it at first. But if it’s not true, how would they know that Zayn walked in on us having sex, Louis?” Harry asked accusingly.

Louis’ heart stopped for the second time and he didn’t know how to respond. What?

“What does Zayn have to do with this?” he asked, not understanding.

How did they know that Zayn had walked in on them having sex? It didn’t make any sense. Zayn definitely hadn’t told anyone about that incident. He was too busy forgetting it to ever bring it up again. Louis knew that for sure.

“What Zayn has to do with this? Everything. He’s the one who spilled it. He was drunk, of course, and at a club with a few friends, according to the article on their website. Apparently he talked a bit too loudly because a few people heard and went to tabloids with it. Do you think I’d just take the Sun’s word for it? Of course not. But how would they know that he walked in on us if Zayn didn’t say anything?”

Louis was too busy trying to find a way, any way, out of this to feel bad about Harry and the way he sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

“Do you want to hear some of it?” Harry asked and didn’t wait for Louis’ reply before he started reading: “ _Zayn went into great detail about their plan to use Styles for publicity and he didn’t seem to care enough about people finding out to keep his voice down. Niall Horan was the one who came up with the plan and Louis was originally supposed to break it off with him after the Brit Awards but since the band was doing so well at the moment and they were still gaining fans and publicity every day, they decided to ‘keep him’ for a while longer._ ”

Louis hid his face in his hand and almost dropped his phone. Shit. He was going to kill Zayn.

“ _Styles knows absolutely nothing, in fact, Zayn was really taking the mickey out of him. Louis reported back to them after every date, apparently… and he even told them the details about their sex life,_ ” Harry’s voice cracked halfway through but he continued regardless of that, making Louis feel worse and worse for every word.

“Stop,” Louis mumbled while Harry paused, shaking his head in disbelief.

“ _He made a great deal out of having walked in on them, although his friends didn’t seem to feel very comfortable with hearing how Styles ‘rode it like he had no other purpose in life’. He told them that Styles is 'very whipped' and that he is ‘incredibly oblivious’,_ ” Harry stopped and was obviously waiting for Louis to explain, to deny it, to admit it, to _say something_.

Zayn was a dead man, Louis decided as he frantically thought of something, anything, he could say but came up with nothing. How could he possibly explain that? Well, he could easily explain it but could he explain it well enough for Harry to believe it? No.

“I’m sorry,” he said instead.

“Is it true?” Harry asked and Louis said nothing but Harry seemed to understand.

“I’m such an idiot. I should’ve known. Can’t fucking trust anyone.”

He tried to sound like he was okay but it wasn’t working. He still sounded absolutely heartbroken.

“I’m sorry,” Louis repeated as he didn’t really know what else to say.

“Don’t… don’t ever talk to me again. I want nothing to do with you. Stay out of my life,” Harry demanded, hesitated for a moment as though he wanted to say something else and then decided not to and hung up.

Louis sat on the bed undressed; face buried in one hand, phone in the other. He was absolutely screwed.

And he was going to kill Zayn. How could Zayn do that to him, to _them_? Unbelievable.

*

After getting over the shock of Harry actually finding out, he got dressed and headed to Zayn’s place with the intention of letting him know just how much of an idiot he was.

He found Zayn lying in fetal position in front of his front door, keys in one hand. It wasn’t a surprise. Usually when Zayn had been out drinking and got home by himself, he ended up sleeping outside his door as he was unable to fit the key in the lock when he was completely smashed. That was also why Liam had told him to call him whenever he needed a lift home. An offer that Zayn clearly hadn’t taken advantage of today.

“You absolute _git_!” he roared unable to stop himself as he reached Zayn, hovering over him.

Zayn mumbled something incoherent and Louis bend over and grasped his arm, forcing him to sit up.

“Do you have _any_ idea about how big of an _idiot_ you are, Zayn? Do you?!” 

Even though Zayn was still only half awake and probably suffering a terrible hangover, Louis couldn’t make himself calm down. Drunk or not, he had ruined everything.

“Louis,” Zayn groaned and pulled his arm out of Louis’ embrace.”Wha’ you yellin’ for?”

“You _ruined_ everything, you complete prat!” he shouted and watched as Zayn got on his feet.

He looked like shit. The bags under his eyes were scarily visible, his hair was messed up and – was that vomit on his shirt? Louis didn’t even want to know.

“Christ,” he mumbled under his breath before continuing loud enough for Zayn to hear it. “Give me those keys and I’ll tell you exactly what you did.”

Not waiting for Zayn to actually hand him the keys, Louis reached for Zayn’s hand and pulled the keys out of them.

“I can’t fucking believe you, Zayn,” Louis said as he unlocked the door and took a firm hold of Zayn’s wrist, pulling him inside.

*

“Ann?” Louis asked as his publicist picked up, “it’s Louis.”

Zayn was sitting by the table, his face hidden in his hands. He’d been sitting like that since Louis started telling him what had been the consequences of his drinking had been. Between the hangover and his cock-up, Louis was sure there was nothing Zayn wanted more right now than to dig a hole and bury himself in it.

“Yes, I know it’s early.” he said, looking down at his feet.

“Listen… I fucked up. _We_ fucked up. So bad.”


	14. The Realization

” _It’s widely known that Zayn Malik, nineteen, cannot hold his liquor. Over the years, Malik has been responsible for many drunken scandals, most recently an episode in December last year where he decked a paparazzi. Little did he know back then that he would also be responsible for exposing himself and his band mates as liars,_ ” Niall read out loud from the screen of his laptop.

Niall, Zayn and Louis were gathered around Zayn’s kitchen table, all of them drowning in misery. It had been an hour since Harry’s call so they were all slowly preparing themselves for the massive reaction from the public.

Louis’ call to Ann ended only minutes ago. She was angry. More than angry. Louis had kind of expected her to throw a tantrum but she didn’t, even though he was sure she was thinking about calling him every bad name in the book.

And to be honest, he deserved it.

“ _The relationship between Tomlinson, twenty, and Styles, eighteen, has been surprisingly accepted in not only United Kingdom but also the rest of the world. There is no doubt that the following revelation will be devastating for everyone who has supported the young couple – and even for Styles himself,_ ” Niall hesitated for a few seconds before moving on: “ _Last night, Malik and two unidentified friends partied at an unnamed club. According to different reliable sources, Malik very quickly became very intoxicated and that’s when he allegedly started spilling the beans._ ”

Zayn shook his head, face still buried in his hands. He had been a very talkative drunk for as long as Louis had known him. And when someone got him talking, he had absolutely no boundaries.

Louis tried his best not to make Zayn feel any worse than he already did, he really did. They had all screwed up. Niall by coming up with it, Louis by going through with it and Zayn by opening his mouth. They had all contributed equally to this disaster.

But Louis still couldn’t keep himself from thinking that it would never have come to this if Zayn had just done the responsible thing and stayed sober.

He didn’t even want to imagine Liam’s reaction when he found out.

“ _'His mate brought up the topic of the relationship and Zayn immediately started laughing and told them it was all fake,’ a source told our reporter, ‘he told them that it was a scam for publicity because the band wasn’t doing well sale-wise.’ It was no secret that One Direction was slowly becoming a has-been…_ ” Niall trailed off and scrolled for a bit, seemingly having decided that the bit about how One Direction was slowly but surely fading needed to be read out loud.

“ _Thanks to recently publicity, One Direction is slowly gaining fans. Especially on Twitter it is clear that the relationship between Tomlinson and Styles has done the band good, and with a new album coming out in a few weeks, the band surely hasn’t wasted their time while being back in the spotlight._ ”

“Can you please skip to the important bits?” Louis asked and Niall nodded, eyes skimming the article.

“This is, uh, something from a source,” Niall clarified before he continued reading: “ _Zayn went into great detail about their plan to use Styles for publicity and he didn’t seem to care enough about people finding out to keep his voice down. Niall Horan was the one who came up with the plan and Louis was originally supposed to break it off with him after the Brit Awards but since the band was doing so well at the moment and they were still gaining fans and publicity every day, they decided to ‘keep him’ for a while longer._ ”

Louis’ gut ached painfully as his band mate read the last sentence. Either the source who had contacted the newspaper or Zayn himself had made it sound like they treated Harry like a dog.

“ _Styles knows absolutely nothing, our source stated very firmly, in fact, Zayn was really taking the mickey out of him. Louis reported back to them after every date, apparently, and he even told them the details about their sex life._ Fuck, Zayn…” Niall shook his head in disbelief.

“I’m so sorry. I’m such an idiot-“

“Yeah, you are,” Niall replied before Zayn even got to finish his sentence, “but we are too.”

Rather than wait for Niall to finish reading the article, Louis pulled the laptop towards him and let his eyes run over the different paragraphs to find the one Niall had just read. Taking a deep breath, he started reading.

“ _He made a great deal out of having walked in on them, although his friends didn’t seem to feel very comfortable with hearing how Styles ‘rode it like he had no other purpose in life’. He told them that Styles is very whipped and that he is incredibly oblivious._ ”

If it hadn’t been for the seriousness of the situation, Louis would have probably pointed out how bad journalism this was. Not to mention that they actually put those details in the article actually made Louis feel sick – who did they think they were? It was one thing for them to reveal that Louis had in fact gone and told every aspect of their sex life to his mates but it was a whole other story to tell the entire country – and if you counted Harry’s fanbase as well, the entire world – the details. Even if Zayn had spilled it, it didn’t mean they had to go and embarrass Harry like that.

It’s your own fault, Louis reminded himself, if you hadn’t agreed to the plan in the first place, none of them would have happened.

_When the news of the Tomlinson-Styles relationship hit the internet, many people around Tomlinson were surprised. Not because he has never publicly come out of the closet but because of the way he treated Styles before Styles announced on live television that he fancied him._

_A source close to the band told our reporter that Tomlinson, along with the rest of the band, blamed Styles for every bad thing that happened to their band and that they thought of him as an untalented 'twat' who didn’t deserve to be where he was._

_Many people close to him didn’t believe the relationship was real at first but Tomlinson surprised them all with his excellent acting skills and managed to make not only his close friends and family but also the entire world believe that he was in love with Harry Styles. Quite an achievement._

He wasn’t even remotely surprised that someone had sold him out. He wouldn’t be surprised if it had been common knowledge among journalists that Louis hadn’t been able to stand seeing Harry’s face everywhere. The fact that it hadn’t come out earlier was the real surprise.

Surprisingly, there weren’t any more quotes from Zayn. There were a few from a source close to Harry confirming that he was a hundred percent in love with Louis, and it served its purpose and made Louis hate himself even more, just like millions of people now did too.

Since he didn’t want to feel worse than he already did, he ran his gaze over the last few paragraphs without really reading it and then reached the end.

_Could it be forever? No, it could not._

Awful pun, Louis mentally commented as it was obviously referring to Harry’s first big hit. Pushing the laptop back in Niall’s direction, he let out a deep sigh.

“So what do we do now?” he asked.

“You heard what Ann said – damage control,” Niall replied. “I have no idea what she’s going to do. Deny it?”

Zayn huffed at that, “but who would believe it?”

“No one,” Louis answered, “not when Harry tells them all the truth.”

As he said those words, the reality of the situation hit him hard. He knew it was serious, he knew the band was in danger. But he hadn’t gotten around to fully realize that this was actually the end of them and to accept it yet.

He felt as though he had just been punched hard in the stomach. It felt just as bad, if not worse, than when their name was called out and they placed third on the X Factor. The idea about going home and potentially never seeing the three lads who had in the mere span of four months had become some of his best mates again was horrible. Sure, they’d keep contact for a few months but that would eventually die out. And then what? The second they got off stage, the reality of what had just happened hit them and none of them knew how to react. Should they cry? Hug? Or try to keep a positive atmosphere?

And now… now they had fucked it all up. There was absolutely no way for them to survive this. Ann’s way of damage control would probably be to deny it. But as soon as the news of Louis sodding Tomlinson denied having used him reached Harry, he would end them. There was no way around it.

Zayn had gone back to hiding his face in his hands. Niall was reading the article. Louis was having a minor panic attack. And Liam was…

Shit.

“Who’s going to tell Liam?”

*

Telling Liam turned out to be surprisingly easy because by the time he knocked on the door to Louis’ flat, Ann had already sorted out a story. One that Harry’s team hadn’t even denied. One that Louis had to memorize because there was no doubt he’d be forced to repeat it later on.

He couldn’t believe it. When word got out that Louis had denied using Harry, he had expected Harry to make a comeback, to get back at him for being a deceiving twat, to do something other than just confirm the break-up.

Ann had called him up and told him what he needed to say if anyone asked which was that he and Harry broke up the evening before the Sun published their article, that it had unfortunately collided with it being written and that yes, it was true that he had bad mouthed Harry in the past but that was the only true accusation in that article.

He didn’t think people would buy it. It didn’t seem like Ann and their manager, who had called him twice, did either.

“Would you care to explain why everyone is saying that you used Harry to gain fame?” Liam asked immediately after Louis opened the door.

“It’s not true,” Louis replied immediately, trying to make it as convincing as possible.

This was risky. It was really risky.

Not only was there still a chance that Harry could come forward and expose Louis as not only a manipulative, heartless idiot but also a manipulative, heartless, _lying_ idiot. And if Harry did that, he would without a doubt lose Liam as well.

And losing Liam would definitely be worse than losing their job. Definitely.

Louis had considered telling Liam the truth, of course he had. But he couldn’t. None of them could. It just wouldn’t be the same. How would he even be able to trust them again?

It would be better if he just didn’t know, Louis had concluded.

“Bullshit,” Liam shot back, “don’t lie to me.”

Liam was angry, no questions about it. He didn’t look particularly angry. More serious than angry. But the swearing gave him away. Liam wasn’t an innocent kid who never swore, Gods no, but swearing wasn’t a natural part of his vocabulary so yeah, Louis could definitely conclude that he was angry.

“Come inside instead of standing out there,” Louis offered and opened the door wide, giving his band mate enough space to step inside.

Once inside the kitchen, Liam turned to face Louis and crossed his arms.

“Don’t lie to me,” he repeated.

“It’s not true, Liam. I’m serious,” Louis said again.

“Louis –“

“Liam, please just listen to me. It’s not true. Zayn went out, had a few too many drinks and said some stuff about my sex life with Harry that he shouldn’t have said. Yes, I talked about it with them and yes, it was stupid and I shouldn’t have done it but I’m a guy, alright? We like to brag.”

Liam didn’t comment, didn’t even move. He was just standing there – arms crossed, lips pressed together, eyes looking a little too serious for Louis’ liking.

“Harry and I broke up a few hours before Zayn went out. I was angry. I called him up and I vented. I made Harry out to be the bad guy, and believe me, he wasn’t, and when Zayn was asked about it, he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. I talked to him about it and he’s sorry. He thought Harry had really hurt me and let it control his feelings towards him.”

Thank God for Ann’s story, Louis thought as Liam seemed to start believing him - or rather, his expression softened a little which Louis knew for a fact meant that he was buying it.

Keeping this from Liam was difficult and made him feel guilt ridden. And to be fair, he had told Ann that Liam didn’t know anything (to which she had replied ‘you utter moron’ in a harsh tone) and had asked her if she thought telling him the truth would be a good idea. The question had made her pause before finally half a minute of weighing their options saying:

“I don’t think that would be the best idea right now.”

Her reason was that the band was already in so much shit - yes, Louis had actually been shocked when she cursed - and adding Liam’s inevitable fit definitely wouldn’t do them any good at the moment.

“Just give it a few days, let the scandal die down,” she had said and Louis agreed that no matter how much Liam deserved to know the truth, telling him now would only do more harm than good.

“I have no idea where they got it from. Me supposedly using Harry, I mean. I wouldn’t do such a thing,” Louis finished.

Liam observed him quietly for a while and just when Louis was beginning to feel paranoid, he spoke up:

“I’m sorry you broke up.”

Louis offered a short smile and shrugged, “yeah... Thanks.”

“And I’m sorry I thought you’d actually do that,” Liam apologized. “You obviously don’t need one of your friends distrusting you along with the rest of the country right now. I know how much Harry meant to you.”

Stop, Louis mentally begged, just shut up.

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s cool. You have the right to be paranoid. It was one hell of a coincidence anyways,” Louis replied with another smile, really just wanting Liam to stop talking because everything he was saying just made him feel worse.

“Right, okay. I gotta get back, Dani’s waiting,” Liam stated with a nod and sent Louis a silly smile before walking towards the exit of the kitchen.

“Sure. Just remember we’ve got to be at the studio at seven,” Louis reminded him as he passed through the door. Liam barely got to say ‘I’ll be there’ before he was out the door.

Louis sighed and dumped down on a chair by the kitchen table. And for the first time ever, he genuinely wished that he was someone else.

*

The hysteria died down a few days later, thanks to Harry not commenting further on the subject, but by then it was already too late to tell Liam that it was all a lie. If it had been a real break-up, Louis would probably have been grateful for how great of a friend Liam had been. He texted Louis jokes a few times a day since he figured that Louis would need a laugh or two so he didn’t dwell in the split. Which was also the reason why he had invited Louis over for dinner every day since.

They did a few interviews in the following week and Liam seemed genuinely surprised when the first interviewer asked about the break-up. Louis smiled and replied that sometimes things don’t work out and that no, he most certainly had not used Harry in order to gain some positive publicity. Afterwards, Liam had pulled him aside and asked him why Louis hadn’t asked Ann to tell the interviewers that they couldn’t ask about the break-up.

“I need to clear it up,” Louis explained. “People are still making assumptions and calling me names and I just want them to stop.”

“No one would think less of you if you didn’t want to answer, you know. You don’t have to convince anyone. If his fans don’t believe you... that’s their loss,” Liam tried to reason and Louis almost hated him for being so damn caring.

“It’s alright. It’s just a break-up. It’s nothing I haven’t tried before and it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

Liam just nodded, even though he didn’t seem very convinced which didn’t really make any sense at all.

“Okay. I’m here if you need me,” he said to finish off, “but we should probably catch up to Zayn and Niall. Don’t want the van driving off without us.”

Louis just grinned.

*

Not having Harry around was weird.

At first he had to get used to have him over all the time, to share his bed with him, to have his hair brush, toothbrush and what not in his bathroom, to sometimes have to do some of Harry’s laundry along with his own. It had been weird but now that he didn’t have to do the extra laundry and didn’t have to make an extra pile for Harry’s clothes... well, that was, if possible, even weirder.

He didn’t miss Harry. Of course not. It was just that Harry had actually become a part of his routine. It was the small things, such as waking up alone in a big bed instead of waking up to a warm body pressed against his. That wasn’t weird. That was just depressing.

He was doing great, except for the weirdness that appeared whenever he was home alone in front of the television watching a random film and no one was there curled up next to him commenting on how bad the acting was or how the plot didn’t even make sense or how the characters developed in a way that was totally unnatural to how the film had portrayed them earlier. He didn’t miss Harry, he just missed being entertained while watching a bad comedy, that was all. Really.

The band was doing great as well. Sure, they’d lost a number of followers on Twitter thanks to the article but the tabloids seemed to all have bought the story and the hysteria that had followed was at a minimum. Studio, meetings about their upcoming tour and PR kept him busy for two weeks, since the release of their new CD was in just a week’s time, and suddenly he didn’t really get a lot of time to hang around his place and feel guilty for taking advantage of Harry’s fame and lying to Liam. It was probably for the better.

“I’m thinking about asking Ann to ban questions about Harry,” Louis said one night when he and Niall was sprawled across Niall’s couch eating take-out.

Niall raised a single brow at that comment and asked: “Why would you do that?”

“It just gets old,” he shrugged, “no one really cares anymore.”

“Shut it, Tommo, you know people care,” Niall replied and turned back to his china-box, trying to figure out how to hold those damn chopsticks.

Niall was right, though. People still cared about the break-up. Especially because even though Harry hadn’t commented further on the subject, he still did nothing to hide the fact that he was absolutely heartbroken. The first few days after their relationship had ended, every time Harry had been photographed, he looked so tired and so _sad_ , he looked like a mess. And the magazines and especially fucking _Twitter_ made a huge deal out of how he had broken Harry’s heart and how he was a cold-hearted shit (which to be fair, he sort of was).

Louis had tried to keep up with how people were taking it but after seeing tweet upon tweet stating that they hoped that he’d get AIDS because that was what he deserved for breaking Harry’s heart and even a few saying that he never deserved Harry’s love to begin with because he was such an ugly son of a bitch who should just die already, he gave up and got the hell out of his mentions.

“I guess,” he mumbled.

“The album is out in a week, just keep milking the break up until then,” Niall said and seemed to give up on his chopsticks as he put them down, got up and headed out into the kitchen to get himself a fork.

“Yeah, I’ll just keep milking it,” Louis replied, even though Niall couldn’t hear.

Milking it wasn’t a problem, not really. He was just afraid that he’d say something that would push Harry too far, leading him to tell the public the truth. If that happened... Louis didn’t even want to think about it.

*

Disaster struck two weeks later.

Louis had been irrationally angry for two weeks straight, and it seemed like everyone did everything they could to try and tick him off. And to make things even worse, Harry had a bloke, probably a friend of his, a cocky twat, drop a box of stuff off at his apartment. Christ, it wasn’t even a real break up yet the unopened box on the dinner table made his gut ache.

The album did better than they expected it to, especially considering the unfortunate scandal they had brought upon themselves. It went number one in a few countries such as Germany and Brazil but didn’t go higher than number four in England. But they definitely considered that a success. Their first single which had been released a few weeks before the album went number one in numerous countries - and England was among them.

Even though the fact that their album was doing well, Louis wasn’t really all that happy. And there was no reason for that. Their manager had informed them that the tour they were going on in a couple of months wasn’t quite sold out but it definitely looked like it would be by the time they actually started touring.

He should be happy. But he wasn’t.

And it had absolutely nothing to do with Harry. It had absolutely nothing to do with how sad he had looked when the paparazzi caught up with him the day after the break-up. It had absolutely nothing to do with how broken he had sounded over the phone that morning. It had absolutely nothing to do with being reminded of how much of a wanker he was every single day.

If only he’d put his foot down the moment Niall suggested it... Well, that was too late now, there was no way of changing things.

Thursday night was Avengers night. All of One Direction went to the London premiere, even though Louis didn’t particularly feel like going. Even though he quite fancied Tony Stark, he wasn’t really feeling up to having cameras shoved in his face all night.

It wasn’t as bad as the last time he went. Of course last time, he went with Harry and it was their first public appearance together. There was no way this could top that.

After they’d gotten to their seats, the four lads began discussing who was cooler, Tony Stark or Captain America. No matter how much Niall argued for the Captain, Louis wasn’t even remotely convinced - Tony was obviously the coolest of them all. 

Just a few minutes after the previews began; Louis had to go to the toilet.

“Just hurry back,” Liam whispered as Louis got up.

“It’s just commercials and previews, I’m not missing much,” Louis replied before trying to get past all the people in the dark, almost tripping over a lady’s feet.

Still feeling sort of embarrassed by the fact that quite a number of people had seen him nearly fall over and try to keep his balance, he walked into the toilets and stopped.

Panic.

That was the first emotion that hit him when he identified the curly haired bloke by the urinal furthest from the door as Harry fucking Styles. Completely frozen, he watched Harry turn his head in curiosity to glance at who had just entered, and within seconds that look was replaced by a hurt expression that quickly turned into a hard, emotionless one.

“Harry,” he heard himself saying and watched as Harry zipped up, turned away from him and walked towards the sinks.

“Don’t even talk to me,” Harry replied immediately after, keeping his head down while washing his hands so that Louis couldn’t even see his face in the mirror.

“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Louis apologized, regardless of Harry’s demand.

He didn’t really know why the need to apologize for being there was so strong but it was. All he wanted was to get out of there before he said something else and before Harry got a chance to reply, but his body wouldn’t cooperate.

“Or what? You wouldn’t have come? Right,” Harry commented and dried his hands off in his blazer, leaving two wet marks on each side.

“I wouldn’t have,” Louis assured him. “Really.”

Harry looked like he wanted to say something else but didn’t. He just shook his head and walked in Louis’ direction, heading for the door that Louis was blocking.

Instead of moving aside to let Harry past, Louis spoke up.

“I’m sorry,” he said honestly. “I never meant to-”

“- hurt me?” Harry guessed, standing only a few feet away from Louis, “use me?” Harry's voice cracked, and Louis' heart felt like it had literally broken into two.

Both, Louis wanted to say but couldn’t quite make himself. He had meant to use Harry. He hadn’t really meant to hurt him, although at first he didn’t particularly care if he did.

When Louis didn’t respond immediately, Harry added ‘that’s what I thought’ in a shaky voice and caught Louis’ eye for the first time since he entered the bathroom. Taking a few seconds to study his ex-boyfriend’s face, Louis couldn’t help but notice how Harry seemed to struggle with keeping up the strong appearance. It was like he wanted to seem like he was angry - which he definitely was - but the hurt and the betrayal seemed control his emotions a bit more.

“I’m sorry,” Louis repeated, “I mean it.”

Harry shook his head slightly, muttering something that sounded a lot like ‘fucking wanker’ under his breath, before pushing Louis aside to get past him and through the door.

“Sod off, Tomlinson,” he mumbled as he passed by him.

Later that night, when he was sitting in the car on the way home, he couldn’t get Harry’s hurt expression out of his head and he briefly wondered if he should talk to Niall or Zayn about it. Before he had even finished that thought, he debunked it. It would seem silly if he even tried to bring it up; they wouldn’t understand. Hell, he wasn’t even sure _he_ understood.

The way his curious expression immediately transformed into one that practically screamed ‘Please leave before I break down and cry’ when he recognized him. The way the corners of Harry’s mouth had twitched just before he walked out the door kept replaying in his mouth. The way he tried so hard to hold himself together and pretend that seeing Louis hadn’t set off a river of emotions inside him. The way it ached inside Louis’ heart whenever he thought back at it.

No, he couldn’t talk to Zayn and Niall about it. He considered telling Liam because telling someone would probably take a massive weight off his chest, but the idea of saying it out loud was terrifying because that would make it real.

So he didn’t. Instead he went to bed and forced himself to think about something else.

*

They had been scheduled for quite a few interviews the next day and with lack of proper sleep, Louis felt like he was about to pass out any second. First interview passed by like a blur, he only managed to answer one or two of the questions they were asked. Second interview, however, wasn’t all that great. Zayn fetched him a coke in the break between the interviews and the caffeine made him a bit less sleepy.

But as soon as Louis heard the name ‘Harry Styles’ come out of the female interviewer’s mouth, Louis knew he’d just had his day ruined.

“Everyone is curious, Louis, so if you don’t mind clearing up the rumors, that would be absolutely terrific,” she said and urged him to tell the same story he had been telling for the past week.

“Sometimes relationships don’t work out,” Louis began in a monotone voice, “and none of the rumors are true. Our break-up had nothing to do with that article and I certainly didn’t use Harry for anything.”

“You have confirmed that parts of what these ‘sources’ say are true, though, so you can imagine why people would be a bit hesitant about believing it,” the woman said, clearly wanting Louis to elaborate, to give her something new, something he hadn’t repeated over and over.

Louis didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then he made up his mind.

“You know what, I don’t really want to talk about it,” he said. “Break-ups are hard enough on their own; I just want to deal with it by myself.”

The album is already out, he thought, I don’t need to keep going on about this.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his back and turned his head to see Liam’s concerned face that was clearly asking ‘are you okay?’, so Louis nodded.

“What he means,” Zayn took over, “is that going through a break-up is already hard and having ridiculous accusations thrown at him only makes it harder. He’s doing his best to clear up the lies and answer any question people might have, yet everyone keep accusing him of stuff that is so far from reality that it’s not even funny.”

Louis closed his eyes for just a second and hoped that Zayn would just stop talking soon so they could move on to another topic.

“Yeah, parts of what the sources say are true. But that doesn’t matter, it’s in the past. They were great together and I’m sad it didn’t work out,” he finished and sent Louis a ‘we need to talk’ glance as he put the microphone down.

As Louis had expected, Zayn was next to him the second the interviewer was out the door and Liam left to go take a wee.

“What was that about earlier?” he demanded to know and Louis shrugged.

“It was nothing.”

“Nothing? You know, Niall told me that you wanted to ban them from asking about Harry. And now you go and do that? I don’t understand, Louis, I thought you wanted this as much as we do,” Zayn said accusingly.

“I do want this as much as you. I just don’t think it’s necessary to keep talking about him,” Louis snapped and Zayn raised both eyebrows.

“Not necessary? You’re aware that half the country thinks you’re a liar, aren’t you?”

“And whose fault is that?” Louis shot back and regretted it immediately as he watched Zayn’s face harden.

“Fine. Do what you want.”

The rest of the interviews went fine. Harry was brought up a few times, and every time he replied with ‘I don’t want to talk about it’, he could feel Zayn’s eyes on him before he would take over and answer the question for him.

Zayn didn’t talk to him all the way back and even though Louis felt bad for saying what he did, he couldn’t quite make himself apologize.

 

Later that night, Liam showed up at his door with take-out in one hand and a film in the other.

“Are you up for some quality male bonding?” he asked with a grin and let himself in.

“Do I have a choice?” Louis asked while following Liam into the living room.

“No,” he replied, put the take-out on the living room table and went to the television to put on the film.

Louis couldn’t help a smile as Liam was obviously just trying to be a good friend and distract him from thinking about today’s events.

“That’s what I thought.”

*

Four hamburgers, two bags of chips and four large cokes later, both boys felt like throwing up. The film was still playing but none of them really paid much attention to it.

“You’re not okay,” Liam suddenly said, “I know you want to make it seem like you are but you’re not fooling me, Louis. It’s okay.”

Glancing at Liam, Louis tried to figure out how to respond to that. He really wasn’t in the mood for talking about this again.

“I’m fine, Liam,” he settled with.

“Don’t you think I saw how your face fell today when that woman brought it up?” Liam asked. “I don’t know what went wrong between you two but I just… I just wish you could work it out. Because I hate to see you like this.”

“It’s not that easy,” Louis sighed.

He hadn’t come up with a good excuse for his and Harry’s break-up yet and Ann hadn’t come up with one either, so if Liam wanted an actual reason, then he was pretty much screwed.

“You’ve been miserable for the past month, Lou. You’ve been moping around this flat for weeks and I just want you to be happy. What’s so bad that you can’t work through it? I mean, you love him, right?” Liam pressed.

Louis gave up.

He probably should’ve thought it through before deciding to do so but he was exhausted both mentally and physically. It was Harry’s fault, really. If he hadn’t been there yesterday, Louis would have had a proper night’s sleep, one that didn’t include tossing and turning all night while trying to get the image of Harry’s heartbroken face out of his mind.

“No,” Louis said, “I don’t.”

“What do you mean?” Liam said, being so confused that Louis didn’t even need to see his face to tell. “Is that what this is about? He loves you and wants you to say it back but you’re not ready for that?”

Louis let out a chuckle; if only it was that easy.

“He hates me,” Louis stated, “he doesn’t love me.”

Liam reached for the remote and put the film on pause before sitting up properly on the sofa so he could see Louis’ face.

“Are you kidding me, Louis? Harry practically worships the ground you walk on. He doesn’t hate you.”

“Oh yes he does. He might have loved me but he sure doesn’t anymore.” 

That only confused Liam even more.

“What exactly happened between you two? I get that it was a nasty break up but I’m positive he doesn’t hate you,” he said.

“It’s…” Louis paused and bit his lower lip. “I… I did something.”

“You cheated,” Liam guessed, even though he made it sound like it was more of an accusatory statement than a guess.

“Believe it or not, that would actually have been better than this,” Louis replied with a chuckle.

“How can _cheating_ be better than…” Liam trailed off and Louis looked up at him and could practically see him connecting the dots.

“You didn’t,” he said, “Louis, tell me you didn’t.”

Instead of answering, Louis looked away, looked that the paused television screen, as he didn’t want to face Liam’s judgmental gaze.

“You _used him_?!” he asked with a raised voice. “That article… it’s true?!”

“Yes.”

Liam was staring at him with his mouth hanging opened. Louis couldn’t quite tell what he was thinking but he guessed that his mind was one big chaos of surprise, anger, disappointment and shock.

“Before you say anything, just let me explain,” Louis hurriedly added. “Yes, what the article said, it’s true. We did use him and we did do it behind your back.”

“Wha-, I-, you-,” Liam stuttered.

“Just let me explain,” Louis repeated, although he had trouble coming up with a proper explanation. “It wasn’t supposed to go this far-”

“So that makes it okay then?” Liam asked, sounding very frustrated.

“No, _no_ , of course not. As I said, it wasn’t supposed to go this far. It started out as just... I don’t know, Liam, I really don’t know. We were just tired and when he said he was into me, I don’t know, we just came up with this idea.. It was stupid, I know. It was completely moronic and stupid. And at first I didn’t care. He was never supposed to find out and I wasn’t supposed to-, he wasn’t supposed to be so nice and it wasn’t supposed to go on for this long.”

Louis didn’t even think his sentences through before saying it out loud which was why he was babbling. He didn’t think there was any reason to. Liam knew, he might as well just get everything off his chest.

“You know how I felt about him. He was everywhere and we-, we weren’t. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Just date him for a few months and then break it off, no one was ever supposed to find out. He didn’t matter, his feelings didn’t matter, because we couldn’t stand him. Fuck, we didn’t even know him,” Louis continued, surprised that Liam hadn’t tried to cut him off yet.

“But I got to know him and he’s... He didn’t deserve it so I kept putting it off. I didn’t want to be the one to hurt him like that. I’m not a fucking mean person, I made a mistake. Zayn didn’t understand, I think Niall might have, but Zayn didn’t and he kept, fuck, he kept pestering me about it. But the thing is, he wasn’t going to be the one who actually did it. He wasn’t going to be the one to tell him that it wasn’t working out. He wasn’t going to be the one who broke his heart, I was. So I just didn’t do anything about it. Shit.”

It felt good. Well, as good as confessing to being an absolutely wanker could feel. Maybe Liam would understand that he had never felt worse about himself than he did right now. It was a long shot, especially considering his reaction a few minutes ago.

“I know you’re disappointed and angry, and I wouldn’t expect anything less. Believe me, I hate myself more than you or anyone else hate me, except maybe Harry,” he confessed, “I just wish I hadn’t done it. Hearing how broken he was when he called me after he found out and then meeting him again yesterday in the toilets at the cinema... It was like being thrown against a wall repeatedly.”

Despite that Liam didn’t respond immediately, Louis was happy that he finally got this off his chest.

“I don’t even know what to say,” Liam finally concluded. “I can’t believe you, any of you, would do such a thing.”

Louis ducked his head in shame. Somehow, though he was aware that this was without a shred of doubt the worst thing he’d ever done, Liam just managed to make him feel even worse.

“Me neither. I wish I could take it back. I keep seeing his hurt face, I couldn’t even sleep last night.”

“That’s not really a surprise,” Liam mumbled, “but your feelings will go away eventually. No way Harry will take you back after this.”

That made Louis raise an eyebrow in confusion and ask:

“What do you mean? I don’t have feelings for him and I don’t want him back.”

“Right,” Liam replied with an eye-roll, “whatever you say.”

“I’m serious,” Louis stated flatly.

He didn’t really understand why Liam would suggest something that ridiculous. Sure, he had grown to care enough for Harry to not want him to get hurt. But having feelings for him? No way.

“You’re not that good an actor, Louis, believe me,” Liam said in an annoyed tone of voice. “I’ve seen the way you look at him, even when he’s not looking. Those looks were the reason why you had me fooled. You think I believed it in the beginning? I didn’t. But the more we hung out, the more I began noticing and the more I believed it. And now you’re telling me that you’ve magically turned into a brilliant actor? As if.” Liam scoffed. “I know what you’re like when you’re into someone and believe me, Louis, you’re into him. Not that you deserve him after what you did.”

“I don’t-,” Louis started, “that’s ridiculous. I don’t like him. I never did.”

“You’ve been miserable since you broke up. If you didn’t have any feelings for him, you would have reacted differently. You’ve been snapping at our crew, you’ve been moping around the flat, you don’t want to go out and it’s obvious that you don’t really want to talk about him. We both know that what you said in the interview today was true.”

Louis shook his head and didn’t bother replying to Liam’s stream of words with other words than a simple but firm ‘no’.

“So you’re telling me that you have no feelings for him at all?” Liam asked.

“Yes. I mean, of course you can’t... do what I did without caring a little bit for the person but there’s nothing more to it than that. Yes, it was nice sleeping and waking up next to him practically every day, and yeah, it was nice to have him around sometimes, no one likes being alone. But that’s it, Liam, really,” Louis replied and tried to make it sound convincing but from the look on his friend’s face, he wasn’t succeeding.

“Okay,” Liam sighed. “Let’s just forget this situation for a bit, Lou, and just listen to me. Do you remember Mark?”

Louis cringed; how could he not remember his first real love?

Liam clearly didn’t need any other confirmation that Louis did indeed remember his ex-boyfriend. Louis didn’t think it was fair of him to bring up the man who had so cruelly broken his heart, who Louis was trying so hard never to think of again. It was low, even if he was trying to make a point.

“Exactly. And when exactly did you realize you were into him?” Liam replied but didn’t seem like he wanted an answer, as he just continued: “You’re so bad at this love thing, Louis. Let’s go over this _again_ \- you can’t stop thinking about Harry, right? You miss waking up next to him? You miss having him around? I’m guessing the whole going from disliking him to like having him around happened a few months ago, right? I know you probably don’t want to have feelings for him because it wasn’t a part of your _plan_. But you do. You know you do.”

Shit.

_Shit._


	15. The End

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He couldn’t be into Harry. God, this was so bad.

“You alright, mate?” Liam asked and Louis shrugged as if to say ‘yeah, I’m fine’, although both of them knew that he wasn’t alright - far from it, actually.

“This doesn’t mean I think it’s okay,” he added.

Louis hadn’t expected him to think it was okay, because it wasn’t. It most definitely wasn’t.

“I know,” Louis replied, “you have every right to hate me. Us. I don’t know, Liam, I can’t… think straight right now.”

Louis closed his eyes tightly and rubbed his forehead in an attempt to make his stress-related headache go away even though he knew it was a lost cause. He needed some painkillers or a glass of strong alcoholic liquid. Or maybe he just needed to lie down, go to sleep and not wake up until these _feelings_ were gone.

He couldn’t do that, though, because he still had the band. He still had an image to uphold, a truth to keep covered up and most importantly; he still had to make it up to Liam.

Because he knew that Liam, no matter how friendly and loyal and how absolutely angelic he could be, was disappointed, angry and feeling betrayed.

“I don’t hate you. I just have this incredible urge to punch you. How could you do that to him, Louis? You know how it feels to be lied to, how it feels to be betrayed,” Liam said in a voice so calm yet firm that Louis was about to burst out a thousand apologies.

“After you found Mark in bed with that girl –“

“Liam, stop,” Louis immediately pleaded, “I get it. You don’t have to… bring _that_ up.”

“My point is that you’ve been there. You’ve been lied to, cheated on and betrayed so bad that you should know better than to ever do this to someone,” Liam said and Louis could feel his eyes on him, but he didn’t dare look up.

“Even if you hadn’t been through that, even if you didn’t know _exactly_ how Harry feels right now, it’s still a thing that you just _know_ you’re not supposed to do. I really thought I knew you. All of you.”

“You do know us,” Louis said weakly.

“Apparently not. Because the people I know wouldn’t take advantage of another person this way,” Liam argued. He sighed deeply and got up from the sofa. “Harry is one of the most genuine and nicest people I’ve ever met. He’s so in love with you. And you know that.”

Louis couldn’t even deny it; of course he knew. That was the entire idea behind this idiotic plan: make him fall so hard that he won’t even realize that it’s a scam.

“I’m sorry,” Louis said, not knowing what else to say.

“I’m not the one you have to apologize to, Louis. I’ve got to go. I need to not look at you right now. I need to think. Don’t… Don’t call or text me, I’m going to Dani’s. I need to deal with this. And you…” Liam trailed off.

When Louis looked up at him, Liam was looking directly at him and Louis was sure he’d never felt so low in his entire life.

“You need to sort yourself out,” and with that, Liam turned around and stalked out of the room.

As Louis heard the front door close, he pulled out his phone and quickly sent a text to both Niall and Zayn that said nothing other than ‘Liam knows’ before finally letting himself realize that he was completely and utterly fucked.

*

(Liam knew that he probably shouldn’t be standing in front of Harry’s door ringing the door phone and waiting for him to open up, but he felt like he owed him that much. Right or wrong, after Louis’ confession, all Liam wanted to do was to see if Harry was alright. Judging from the seriousness of the situation, chances that Harry was actually okay were slim.

“Hello?” came Harry’s voice through the speaker.

“Hi, Harry,” he replied standing close to the receiver, “it’s Liam.”

There was silence on the other end and Liam was afraid Harry wasn’t going to let him in.

“Fuck off,” was the response he received and he wasn’t really all that surprised.

The fact that Liam hadn’t attempted to contact Harry after the break-up, which was now nearly a month old, would’ve definitely given Harry the impression that he was in on the plan.

“I had nothing to do with it. I didn’t even know about it until yesterday. Please let me in, Harry,” he begged and when Harry didn’t reply, Liam wasn’t sure if he was even still there.

Half a minute passed and just as he was about the press the button again, he could hear the door unlock. Harry decided to let him in after all. Thank God.

Despite what Harry was probably thinking, he wasn’t here to beg for forgiveness on behalf of Louis or even try to justify his best friend’s action in any way. He simply wanted to know if Harry was okay, although he was fairly sure he wasn’t. Who would be okay when coming out of a relationship that had turned out to be one big scam?

Louis was in a bad shape, and there was no doubt that Harry would be worse off.)

*

Even after his talk with Liam, it took him four full days to fully understand and accept that he was into Harry and that there was no way Harry would ever give him the time of day again. And it hurt.

But for some ridiculous reason, the fact that he had become aware of his feelings only made him miss Harry even more. Knowing that he couldn’t talk to Harry made him want to talk to him all the time. Knowing that Harry wasn’t going to be there when he woke up made him want to stay in bed. Knowing that he would never be on the receiving end of that perfect smile made him actually google ‘Harry Styles smile’ just so he could torture himself some more (not that he would ever admit that to anyone, that was a moment of regret). Knowing that Harry wasn’t his anymore made him full on snap at and unfollow the first user on his Twitter timeline who brought up a rumor about some radio bloke being Harry’s rebound.

Liam hadn’t talked to any of them for those four days either. Zayn had completely panicked when he found out that Liam had requested that they kept from contacting him until he was ready to forgive them. After fifty or so calls, Liam finally sent Zayn a text – not a very positive one, though. ‘Stop fucking calling’, it read. And he did.

Niall had taken it a bit more calmly. Instead of bothering Liam, he’d texted Danielle a few times a day to hear how Liam was doing, if he was still angry, if she had any idea how long it would take before he’d talk to them again, if she knew how he could make it up to Liam.

Louis hadn’t done anything to try to contact Liam. And in contrast to Zayn and Niall, Louis had a lot of other things on his mind – such as these feelings he had that he absolutely could not have.

And in order to get rid of them, he went out with Niall Friday night, got absolutely pissed and attempted to talk a curly haired bloke – who Louis liked to believe didn’t resemble Harry in any way – into coming home with him which sadly didn’t work out. So he had to settle for a blonde girl who waited until they were back in Louis’ flat to tell him she didn’t want to go all the way because she was afraid he would think of her as just another groupie and wouldn’t respect her in the morning and asked if a blowjob would do. At that point, Louis was already half asleep and by the time he woke up the next morning, there was no trace that she’d ever been in his flat.

Louis still felt like shit. He couldn’t remember much from the night before but he was sure he had passed out before she even got a chance to get a hand in his pants which he was weirdly thankful for.

The whole sleeping with someone else to try to move on thing wasn’t working out for him because he didn’t want to move on. And as he had now become aware of, he didn’t really want to sleep with anyone other than Harry either which was also why he had consumed large amounts of alcohol. He wanted to be with Harry and the idea of picking up some random person was so far away from him that he felt like he had to get way past drunk to be able to go through with it. It was a foolish idea and not one he would be repeating until he no longer felt like he was cheating on Harry whenever he thought about sleeping with other people, he concluded as he got up to make himself a proper hangover breakfast.

*

“Danielle says he’ll probably be back in a few days,” Niall murmured and stuffed his cell phone back into his pocket.

Zayn, Louis and he were in Louis’ car on the way into the center of town to attempt to have a good night out. After all, there was no point in sitting at home on the couch on a Sunday night just waiting for Liam to come back and accept their many apologies.

“ _Probably_ ,” Zayn mumbled, “probably isn’t good enough.”

“No, but that’s all you’re getting for now,” Niall said sternly.

Louis had been busy sorting out his feelings the past few days and hadn’t talked to Zayn or Niall – with the exception of the night they went out – other than a few texts here and there. But from what Niall had told him Friday night, Zayn had been moping a lot, explaining Niall’s lack of time for Zayn’s negativity towards Liam. He had already been listening to it for pretty much six days straight.

“Whatever,” Zayn replied and Louis was happy that that seemed to be the end of their conversation as this was definitely not a way to start a night out.

They drove in silence for a few minutes; the tension was weirdly awkward and Louis couldn’t find a topic that would break it. Luckily, Niall could and within seconds he and Zayn were in deep conversation while Louis zoned out completely and just focused on the road. While trying not to get ticked off by the Sunday night traffic, he couldn’t stop thoughts of Harry and Liam and the lies and the stupid, pointless feelings from coming back, no matter how hard he tried.

He hates you, Louis told himself again; as if he hoped that Harry’s loathing would somehow make him stop liking him, make him stop missing every single annoying yet sweet thing about Harry. So far it hadn’t worked. If anything, it only made it all harder.

“.. you say, Louis?”

“What?” Louis asked as they had suddenly decided to make him a part of their conversation.

“Told you he wasn’t listening,” Zayn said with a grin.

“Well, you’re going to listen,” Niall replied, “because you’re going to be Zayn’s wingman tonight. I don’t want to get stuck with him again.”

“I feel loved,” Zayn said sarcastically from the backseat.

Louis didn’t particularly want to help Zayn pick up some random guy or girl – you never knew with Zayn; one moment he’d be looking for a shag for the night in form of a bloke and the next he’d be on way to the toilets with a bird – especially since he didn’t really need a wingman. He knew he’d end up scouting for the perfect lay with Zayn later, though. He always did. Well, as long as he didn’t have to join Zayn in the hunt and as long as he ended up hammered by the end of the night, he supposed it was fine.

“Alright,” he said in agreement.

“Maybe we can find a little something for you too,” Zayn suggested and Louis shook his head.

“Not in the mood,” he replied and hoped that was the end of the conversation. Though neither Zayn nor Niall thought so.

“Not in the mood? You’re always in the mood,” Zayn commented and it was true. Or, it used to be true.

“Aw, man,” Niall said with a sigh. “Is it because of Liam? Because he’ll come around, you know. Just because we fucked up doesn’t mean you have to punish yourself by not getting laid tonight. He’s not going to mind, I promise.”

Louis couldn’t help but chuckle at that and reply:

“It has nothing to do with Liam. It’s - look, it’s personal, can we drop it? It’s not a big deal, I’m just not in the mood.”

Even though he had said it in a somewhat light tone, Niall just didn’t seem to understand that Louis wanted that to be the end of that conversation. Who was Niall to decide over his love life, anyways?

“If something’s bothering you, you can talk to us about it.”

“Who even says something bothering me?” Louis asked sharply, determined to make this conversation stop before he said something he wouldn’t want them to know.

“You did,” Niall clarified and Louis sighed; yeah, he had accidentally pretty much confirmed that he wasn’t just ‘not in the mood’.

Zayn agreed and with every second, Louis got more and more irritated.

“Leave it,” he demanded but Niall just kept pressing.

“Come on, Louis. You can’t enjoy yourself if something’s keeping your mind occupied. You obviously don’t have to be Zayn’s wingman if you don’t want to and you don’t have to either but at least tell us what’s bothering you?”

“Yeah, it’s not healthy to suppress your feelings. Or something like that,” Zayn joined in from the backseat.

And then it happened.

He didn’t mean to say it out loud; didn’t really think he had before the car went quiet.

“You’re… Into him?” Niall asked, clearly shocked. Louis didn’t even need to look at them to visualize his and Zayn’s expressions.

“Yeah. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to get pissed and forget all about it, okay?” Louis glanced at Niall to get confirmation that he had understood and would leave it alone, and Niall hurriedly closed his mouth and nodded. “Good.”

And they _did_ leave it alone, all up until Zayn and Louis were lying side by side in Louis’ bed, absolutely pissed and dateless.

“D’you really like him?” Zayn said, his words slurred and his eyes barely open.

“Yes,” Louis replied and closed his eyes as the ceiling started spinning, making him feel nauseas.

“But why? You _hate_ him.”

“I dunno. He’s annoying,” Louis replied.

Zayn didn’t say anything else for a while. Louis barely managed to note that he was probably asleep before he was slowly drifting off himself. Just when Louis was about to cross the border between conscious and asleep, he thought he heard Zayn mumble ‘if ‘e makes you happy, then ‘ts okay’ but he might just have made it up.

*

None of them mentioned Louis’ crush the next day, although Louis could feel Niall’s gaze rest on him several times and he could just imagine Niall biting his bottom lip while weighing his options – bring it up or not? He settled for the latter every time.

There was an elephant in the room and no one dared to bring it up. It hadn’t been a part of their little plan and although both of them were most likely dying to bring it up, they both remembered Louis’ strict order of ‘drop it’ from the conversation in the car the night before. So they didn’t talk about it, not one of them.

On the 8th day after his realization, Liam messaged Louis. A wave of relief ran through him as he texted him back. After a few messages back and forth, Liam made it clear that this didn’t mean things were okay and Louis accepted that.

It wasn’t until the 10th day that Louis found himself standing in front of Harry’s flat, glancing up at the window to see that the light was on.

Zayn texted him out of the blue the day before, finally acknowledging the gigantic elephant in the room – ‘ _You need to talk to him_ ’, was all it had said. Louis didn’t reply.

But there he was; pathetically standing in front of Harry’s building, the courage he had gathered up just hours ago gone.

He hadn’t thought this through, he realized as he was staring at the ‘H. Styles’ on the door phone. He had no idea how he would break this to Harry and he had no idea if he would even get the chance; the probability of Harry letting him was unlikely. He was completely out of control of the situation and it was scary, even scarier than admitting to his feelings in the first place. As soon as he rang the bell, the ball would be in Harry’s court.

Placing a finger on the button and squeezing his eyes shut, he pressed down and immediately regretted his decision to do so. He wanted to leave, to run off, before Harry answered but his legs stayed put. Fucking hell.

“Hello?” came Harry’s husky voice through the speakers.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, Louis thought, say something before he hangs up.

“… Hi,” he said lowly, his pulse rising with every second, “it’s me.”

There was silence on the other end and just as Louis concluded that Harry had hung up, he spoke up.

“Leave,” he demanded.

Not that that was much better than hanging up. But Louis took it as a good thing, as a little bit of hope, that Harry at least gave him the time of day, even if it was to tell him to leave.

“Please, let me in. I need to talk to you. _Please_ , Harry,” Louis begged.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

Louis held back a sigh; he knew this would happen. But he had to convince Harry to let him in, even if he had to make an absolutely fool out of himself out here. If he was inside then Harry couldn’t ignore or avoid him like he could if Louis had just called.

“Please, Harry. I’m so fucking sorry. I feel horrible. Please,” he cringed because of how utterly pathetic he sounded, begging like that, but continued to, regardless. “Let me in, Harry, please. I’m not - I’m not leaving, Harry. I’m not leaving until you listen to me. I know I have no right to demand that of you considering how much of a fucking wanker I’ve been but please, just give me ten minutes. Please.”

Silence.

And then the door clicked open. Louis breathed a sigh of relief as he pushed it open, his heart racing as he made his way up the stairs. He hadn’t felt this determined in ages; he needed to make Harry believe him, believe that he was truly so fucking sorry, and he needed Harry to take him back, whatever it took. If he had to crawl on his knees and worship the ground Harry walked on for the next year, he would do it. Louis would make it up to him, as long as Harry would just give him a second chance.

It was actually interesting because in just those ten days of being aware that Harry had become an irreplaceable part of his life, he had gone from being in denial to completely wanting to get rid of his feelings, to realizing that he really just wanted Harry back and being determined to try to make that happen. Never in his life had he had so many changes of heart at once.

When he reached the right floor, he found Harry standing in the doorway, a lifeless expression on his face.

“Hi,” Louis breathed, feeling out of breath.

Harry’s expression didn’t change as he moved aside so Louis could walk into the apartment.

“You have ten minutes,” he declared and waited until Louis had closed the door before walking into the dining room.

He sat down by the table and gestured for Louis to sit down opposite of him, maintaining the distance between them. Louis did as asked and the second he sat down, his mind went blank and he had no idea how to even begin telling Harry how he felt.

“Nine minutes,” Harry commented after glancing down at his watch.

“I’m so sorry,” Louis began, “I know you probably think I’m saving my own ass and I know you probably don’t believe me. But I am. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I wish I hadn’t been such a complete idiot. I can’t believe I did that to you. I’m so fucking ashamed, Harry-“

“I’m glad to hear that,” Harry said drily.

“I didn’t realize it at the time. I was so obsessed with fame. I wanted to be the one everyone talked about. I wanted - fuck, I sound like I’m making excuses. There is no excuse. It was a horrible thing to do, there is no excuse,” he rambled and began feeling frustrated as Harry glanced down at his watch, checking the time.

“Seven minutes.”

Stress, frustration, panic, determination, all wrapped up in one single body, Louis was feeling like he was going to pass out. Harry wasn’t listening. He had to do something; he had to say something, anything, to make him listen.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he blurted out. “I know it’s the last thing you want to hear right now but I… I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since… Yeah, fuck, I don’t even know. I miss you.”

Harry’s eyebrows rose in surprise, and he looked genuinely jolted by Louis’ words.

“Bullshit,” he said defensively, he shook his head and got up. “You know what; your time is up, get the hell out of my flat.”

Louis rose from his chair as well and moved to stand inches away from Harry, shaking his head furiously.“I’m serious, Harry. I miss you so fucking much-“

He didn’t get to finish his sentence before Harry lost it and slammed him up against the wall. It happened so quickly that Louis didn’t even register the hand Harry placed on his chest before his back violently hit the hard surface.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Louis?” he asked angrily. “You are seriously fucked up if you think I’m going to fall for that.”

Never had Louis seen Harry so angry. They’d had a few arguments over the months they had dated and Harry had been angry. But this was something completely different. This was months of pent up anger and Louis couldn’t even blame him for snapping.

“I’m not lying,” he replied, “I promise. I know it’s fucked up, but I’m not lying.”

Harry’s eyes narrowed and he kept looking intensely at Louis as if he was trying to work out if he was lying or not before finally backing away. Louis took a step forward so he wasn’t pressed against the wall and straightened his jacket.

“As I was saying,” Louis said tryingly, not sure if Harry would let him continue, “I miss you. And I can’t get you out of my head. Wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, there you are. I don’t have to be a genius to figure out that it means I’m into you.”

“And what exactly am I supposed to do with that?” Harry asked sharply, making Louis back up a few inches in fear that he might snap again.

“I… I was thinking that…” Louis couldn’t even make himself say it.

“That what? I’d just forget that you _used_ me, that you _lied_ to me, that you _humiliated_ me in front of the entire _world_ and then continued to lie to save your own ass? That I’d take you back, just like _that_?”

Louis avoided Harry’s gaze. God, he really had never felt so ashamed of himself and his actions in his entire life.

“I’m sorry,” he said lowly then coughed to clear his voice before looking up and repeating himself. “I’m sorry, Harry. If I could take it back, I would. You know I would.”

When Harry said nothing, Louis added ‘you know me’, hoping to get some sort of positive reaction from him.

And that’s when Harry’s hard exterior cracked. Louis watched as Harry bit down on his lower lip, blinked rapidly and looked away.

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” Harry said, his voice breaking even though he tried to prevent it from doing so. “I don’t know you. I never have.”

Louis wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him, hold him close and assure him that yes, Harry _did_ know him, even if it was hard for him to believe. But he couldn’t. Instead he reached out and put his hand on Harry’s shoulder, only to have him immediately shake it off.

“Don’t touch me. You have no right to touch me,” he stated and Louis bit his lip for a second, suppressing the urge to put his hand back on Harry’s shoulder. “You have no right to come here and say those things. Not when you know how I felt-, how I feel about you. No fucking right.”

Before Louis could even say something, Harry continued:

“Part of me wants to hate you. Part of me wants to punch you in the face repeatedly for betraying me like that. Part of me wants to tell everyone how much of an asshole you really are. And the other part of me…” Harry paused and fought back the tears, not letting a single one spill. “The other part of me knows I can’t do that. I tried. After I got off the phone with you, I called my manager. I wanted to destroy you. But I couldn’t make myself actually say the words.”

There was another pause. Louis wondered if he should do or say something but the look on Harry’s face clearly told him to keep quiet for now.

“I found out my boyfriend had been playing me all along and I couldn’t make myself destroy his career.”

“I would have deserved it,” Louis said, sensing that it would be the right thing to say and he meant it.

“You more than deserved it,” Harry replied, his gaze focused completely on Louis. “But unlike you, I could never do that to someone I love, even if they deserved it. And that’s the worst part – I love you, even though you hurt me worse than anyone else ever has.”

He allowed himself to feel a little bit hopeful. If Harry still loved him, maybe he could convince him to give him another chance, even if it required taking it awfully slow until he gained Harry’s trust. Maybe.

“So don’t give me that shit, Louis. You’re not _into me_ , you’re feeling guilty and you think that telling me this will somehow ease your conscience and make you feel better. But please just… don’t.”

He was no longer talking in that superior tone that made Louis feel ashamed, instead he sounded like he was seconds away from bursting into tears which, really, didn’t make Louis feel any better.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” he said, for what felt like the hundredth time that day and watched as Harry shook his head and turned around, stalking out of the room.

Louis knew that was probably his cue to go and finally leave Harry alone, like Harry obviously wanted him to. But no. He had to make Harry listen.

“I want you to…” Louis began as he entered the kitchen and found Harry leaning against the counter, not facing him. “I want you to give me another chance.”

Harry’s head snapped up and Louis took a step back, just in case Harry decided to fling himself at him again. He wouldn’t put it past Harry to do that – Louis would probably do a lot worse if Mark asked him for another chance.

“Before you say anything,” Louis said, sensing that Harry was about to say or do something. “I want you to listen to me. I know I have no right to demand that but I’m here and I want you to listen to me.”

Harry looked at him with an unreadable expression; Louis had no idea if he was angry or sad or something entirely different and therefore had no idea how to approach it.

“I know I don’t deserve you,” he said and walked slowly towards Harry, “and I know that what I did is… is unforgivable and that trusting me will be practically impossible. But I’m truly sorry. I’m so sorry, Harry. So fucking sorry.”

Harry looked away.

“If you could just… Give me a second chance, I promise you that I will do everything to make it up to you,” he said and kept walking until he was standing right in front of Harry who still didn’t want to meet Louis’ gaze.

“I know you still love me. And I’m… I’m going crazy without you. I need you, Harry.”

That made Harry look up, finally looking directly into Louis’ eyes. Louis could tell he was torn. On one hand, Harry wanted to give in and give him a second chance but on the other hand, he knew that it was a dangerous path to go down again. Louis had betrayed him once, who was to say that he wouldn’t do it again?

“I don’t know,” Harry mumbled and bit his lip, looking like he was fighting an inner battle.

Tryingly, Louis reached out and stroked Harry’s hand with two fingers for a couple of seconds to see if he was going to snatch away his hand. When he didn’t, Louis carefully entwined their fingers and sent Harry a trying smile.

Harry still looked indecisive and Louis figured that since Harry was okay with his small attempt to intimacy, maybe, just maybe, he would be okay if Louis moved a little closer, and maybe it would be okay if Louis reached out and carefully pulled him closer with his free hand, and maybe it would be okay if Louis gave him a little kiss, just a little one.

Harry let him. Oh, he let him.

Letting go of Harry’s hand, Louis took full control of the kiss while Harry simply placed both his hands around Louis’ waist and let Louis show him exactly how crazy he was about him. It wasn’t crazy, no tongues were battling for dominance, no unfortunate erections were happening, no teeth were knocking together; it was just Louis trying to channel all his affection into that one passionate kiss.

Eventually, he had to break away, though. As much as he wanted to just keep on kissing Harry until his lips were sore, he couldn’t. He needed Harry to say yes, he needed a second chance.

“I need you,” Louis breathed as Harry rested his forehead against Louis’. “I need you in my life, Harry.”

Harry didn’t say anything; instead he placed another few short kisses on Louis’ lips.

“I know I fucked up,” Louis whispered in between kisses. “I know. But if you let me, I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.”

Another few kisses followed before Louis got to continue:

“Please, Harry,” he begged, his forehead resting against Harry’s, their eye contact being almost too intense. “Please give me another chance. I promise I won’t fuck up.”

Harry was completely unreadable but Louis had a good feeling as he was pulled into another kiss, one that lasted even longer than the first and was if possible even more breath-taking.

And for the first time in what seemed like ages, Louis felt happy. Truly, genuinely happy. The idea about not having to wake up to a bed Harry wasn’t in was enough to cause his heart to flutter in the best ways – ways he hadn’t really experienced since the very beginning of his relationship with Mark. The idea that Harry was most likely willing to try to work through this and to give Louis a second chance made him feel like a bloody school girl.

In the middle of everything and far too soon, Harry pulled away from the kiss and rested his forehead against Louis’, keeping his eyes closed.

“I love you,” Harry whispered, “but…”

“But what?” Louis asked.

“I can’t trust you,” he said and opened his eyes. “I can’t trust you, Louis.”

“Harry…” Louis tried but the look in Harry’s eyes told him that he was serious.

And just like that, Harry let go of Louis’ waist and backed up so that he was leaning against the counter. He looked absolutely torn up, like he was doing everything he didn’t want to do.

“I can’t. I can’t do this, Louis. I can’t,” he said lowly. “I can’t trust you. What you did, it’s… I _can’t_.”

“Please,” Louis whispered and moved in to kiss Harry again as if that was going change his mind.

It didn’t work out, though, because Harry put his hand on Louis’ chest to stop him.

The flutter in Louis’ chest had been replaced with an ache that was even more painful than the one he’d had after Harry found out about their ridiculous plan. He had experienced this joy and hope, only to have it cruelly snatched away again.

“You have no idea how much this kills me. I love you so fucking much, Louis. But I can’t trust you not to do it again. I can’t trust that this isn’t another stunt to gain more fame. Don’t you understand that?” Harry asked, sounding just as frustrated and sad and absolutely wrecked as he looked.

Of course Louis understood that – and that was the worst part of it; he couldn’t put it past Harry to be paranoid about this because Louis himself was why he had a reason to be.

And admitting that to himself was also what made him realize that Harry wasn’t going to give him another chance because it would be foolish to do so. That was what caused a few tears to spill from Louis’ eyes.

“Please, Harry. I fucked up. I’m human. I make mistakes. I promise you I will-“

Harry didn’t let him finish his sentence.

“Fool me once, shame on you,” he said, unable to keep his voice from breaking midsentence, “fool me twice…”

Louis’ entire brain went numb and he was shaking his head furiously. No, no, no, no. This couldn’t be the end. It couldn’t.

“Harry, please,” he begged, the pain unbelievably apparent in his voice, “ _please_.”

After what felt like an eternity, Harry looked up and caught Louis’ gaze. Louis could see the pain, he could see the hurt, he could see how absolutely broken Harry was. He could _feel_ it too, Harry’s appearance mirroring his own feelings. It was all right there and there was nothing he could do about it.

As Louis watched a single tear roll down Harry’s cheek, Harry opened his mouth and whispered:

“Shame on me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading - and I hope you don't hate me too much for ending it the way I did. I hope you liked it and yeah, feedback would be nice :)


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